Venting Have you ever heard someone tell you that you're broken?

[FormerlyFe(IV)]

I was talking to my psychiatrist this week. He was describing life between two concepts, pain, and happiness. According to his thoery, we, as humans, run away from the pain. The pain hurts so we try and solve it. Not being in pain is just survival. And happiness doesn't come close when we run from pain. We have to run towards it. Like life goals, leisure etc.

Problem is, my whole pain system is broken. I went to a psychologist last year who was specialized in patients with autism. I told her that I don't really have any impetus to fix disaster situations. It's like my house could be in flames and I would be deaf to the smoke detectors.

She told me, yeah, I'm broken. That's common among people with autism. That alarm bells don't go off and stress me into fixing an emwrgency.

How the fuck am I expected to dig myself out of a hole, with no shovel? My whole "survival instinct" is broken.

I'M BROKEN

And now I need that survival instinct. Or something. I don't have forever to find a job and pay my debts. I can't afford to lose my independence.

Thank god my BDO is with friends.



Has anyone else have to hear such harsh words?

 

[suicidalloser]

No, I was told I am nothing but a slug that needs to die.

 

[MrDarkness]

I had this talk to this girl I had feelings for, i said the only time in my life I was truly happy and mean truly, was the day I was going to die, she said that was awful, I told her knowing all my issues going away, me being a failure etc gone, I told her later on, I wanna help her get better, she was extremely depressed, I said I wanna devote my energy and life to making her smile and laugh and how I essentially loved her, 2 days later she told me how she fucked a guy that was just using her for sex, I've never felt so sad and angry in my life, she later on said she had feelings for me, it was a lie, a fucking lie, love isn't real, it's fake

 

[The anhedonic one]

I had this talk to this girl I had feelings for, i said the only time in my life I was truly happy and mean truly, was the day I was going to die, she said that was awful, I told her knowing all my issues going away, me being a failure etc gone, I told her later on, I wanna help her get better, she was extremely depressed, I said I wanna devote my energy and life to making her smile and laugh and how I essentially loved her, 2 days later she told me how she fucked a guy that was just using her for sex, I've never felt so sad and angry in my life, she later on said she had feelings for me, it was a lie, a fucking lie, love isn't real, it's fake

Love is beautiful yet utterly brutal.
I hate it . So sorry She did this to you, it's happened to me too.

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

When I was in the psychiatry a supervisor told me that the only reason I wanted to get out of there was so that I could ctb. I was scared of being locked in and wanted to get out of there. Not to ctb but to just be able to leave.

However that was the first time a person actually told me I was broken. Bluntly. Stressed. Directly to my face without backtracking. Before professionals had always downplayed my suffering.

That was when I realized people acknowledging my suffering doesn't mean they'll actually listen to what I'm saying and how I'm feeling. Before that I thought that once people realize how bad I actually am everything will be better. Though after that talk and after the talk with my psychologist in there I now believe there are only a handful of people out there who are genuinely interested in my opinion, my feelings and what I have to say. Everyone else just wants to get paid.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I'm the same way, I told one person how I felt towards life casually and they responded with saying how I was delusional, there was help etc. I don't really open up anymore but most certainly people who knew me thought that, I've had it implied against me a few times. I don't really bother with all that nonsense anyways. I already know what I want and it's no use for someone else to waste their time explaining something so pointless.

I can't bring myself to really care anymore, I'll be dead in a few years anyway. I can't pull my life together so I'll just ride the shipwreck until I finally ctb.

In my opinion it's not really a case of being 'broken' but rather just not wanting to put the work in to get better. It's implied everywhere that any suffering person does want to get better excluding ctb as most people don't take that into their worldviews. It's natural you'd be an anomaly to most people based on a flawed line of thinking.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Other people are not real.

 

[𖣂𖣂𖣂.]

I was talking to my psychiatrist this week. He was describing life between two concepts, pain, and happiness. According to his thoery, we, as humans, run away from the pain. The pain hurts so we try and solve it. Not being in pain is just survival. And happiness doesn't come close when we run from pain. We have to run towards it. Like life goals, leisure etc.

Problem is, my whole pain system is broken. I went to a psychologist last year who was specialized in patients with autism. I told her that I don't really have any impetus to fix disaster situations. It's like my house could be in flames and I would be deaf to the smoke detectors.

She told me, yeah, I'm broken. That's common among people with autism. That alarm bells don't go off and stress me into fixing an emwrgency.

How the fuck am I expected to dig myself out of a hole, with no shovel? My whole "survival instinct" is broken.

I'M BROKEN

And now I need that survival instinct. Or something. I don't have forever to find a job and pay my debts. I can't afford to lose my independence.

Thank god my BDO is with friends.



Has anyone else have to hear such harsh words?

No the last person I vented too said they don't care

 

[Forever Sleep]

No- I expect most people think I'm more or less ok. Struggling perhaps but basically ok. I suspect, if I completely just gave up, people would say I was lazy rather than broken. Maybe they would be right- I don't know.