I also feel these post are my cry for help and I'm sorry to waste your time. This site isn't for help but for solutions
Don't apologize for coming to this site looking for help. This site, to me, is a place of acceptance and reassurance that what you are feeling is valid, and if you need help, there are people here who can help by listening to your story and treating you like the human being that you are, with respect and dignity. I respect you sharing your story. I respect that you've been "successful " by society's standards and we're still not happy. And I personally care about anyone who's in pain, because none of us chose to be here, much less chose to feel down, hurt, depressed, or numb.
I believe many of us are here to be helped and to help; that's what a community is. Be it for solutions and encouragement to die or live, whichever you personally want to choose.
I wish you nothing but he best, Lrdhlpme.