Hate being so scared

[shadow_sunset]

I am so jealous of the people that actually have the guts to do it. I've wanted to for as long as I can remember and I still don't know why I am so scared to. I wish there was just a pill I could take and just fade away forever.

 

[Jadeith]

Fear is one of the most natural responses your body can give. Suicide is a decision, a calculation of sorts of pros and cons of staying versus eliminating oneself. If your fear keeps you here, it means that subconsciously you've made a calculation and result is that whatever shit is happening to you is not worse than death. Not yet at least.
It's not a reason to feel ashamed or guilty.

 

[shadow_sunset]

Fear is one of the most natural responses your body can give. Suicide is a decision, a calculation of sorts of pros and cons of staying versus eliminating oneself. If your fear keeps you here, it means that subconsciously you've made a calculation and result is that whatever shit is happening to you is not worse than death. Not yet at least.
It's not a reason to feel ashamed or guilty.

No it's because literally and logically suicide is the best choice for me, it's just this stupid survival instinct I can't get rid of

 

[Jadeith]

And survival instinct tells you that it is not so literally and not so best as you want to believe. Everyone fears death, maybe except selected few who drugged themselves, got heavily drunk or have some specific brain damage. Yet, thousands upon thousands each year off themselves, reaching point where their problems over weigh fear of death.
Look, i know you are in a shitty place rn and you want out, otherwise we wouldn't be talking here. All i'm saying - trust your gut. Your body tells you "not now, not yet". And that's fine.