Help Has anyone here "ruined their life" because of what they did when they were depressed

[Gunnersup]

Depression has ruined every aspect of my life. Health, education, work, friends, family, hobbies, appearance, etc. etc.

I often wonder if trying to recover is even worth it. Even if I come out of it, I will find myself in this life that I don't want to live.

I came out of my depression spontaneously about 2 weeks ago after dealing with it for about a year, and now I'm stuck trying to rebuild the pieces. And I also have the fear hanging over me of my depression returning just as fast as it left

 

[Rockman]

So your saying that you regret going to college?

Totally yes. Nobody in jobs never asked me about diploma. As long as you don't aspire to become a doctor or lawyer, it doesn't make sense. Better to go to work and get experience that really suits you.
Personally i regret much. I could do for a year to shitty job then travel the world rest of college years and get real exeperiences instead of paper toilet.

 

[Grave]

They didn't really understand what was going on when I couldn't submit things on time, but kept telling me to 'get help' for what appeared to be anxiety and I kept saying there was nothing wrong even though I was very actively suicidal. There's help for people who want help, but you need to feel deserving of it and I wanted to die, largely for other reasons which were exacerbated by my lack of academic success. I have a second chance now but I'm fucking it up again because I can't seem to do anything. It's a truly vicious cycle. I seem to be ruining my life in every regard, and I don't know how to stop being so self destructive

I'm really sorry about that, my situation is much the same. I'm a clever guy, but because of my depression I can't get any work done and I'm just getting more and more behind, and while my college know this and try to be helpful, there's not much they can do because they can't just give me good grades without the evidence.
Even if I tried to get better now, my life would still be fucked up because of how badly I've done in the past.

 

[strangeceleste]

I'm really sorry about that, my situation is much the same. I'm a clever guy, but because of my depression I can't get any work done and I'm just getting more and more behind, and while my college know this and try to be helpful, there's not much they can do because they can't just give me good grades without the evidence.
Even if I tried to get better now, my life would still be fucked up because of how badly I've done in the past.

Me too. I relate so hard. I'm crippled by anxiety. The fear of failure has got so intense that I don't even try to do my work, so people think I'm just lazy and not a hard worker but every breath takes immense effort right now. But you are more than your grades, maybe that's not your niche and sometimes you just need to readjust your expectations for yourself in a given moment. I hope you manage to feel achievement again

 

[Nurse T]

Iv lost friends, my husband is now practically my carer, I'm ruining a career of 15 years I worked so hard for!! Risk loosing my horses if I can't work and afford to keep them, it's endless!!! Each attempt is traumatic and has had consequences, I now also have someone after me probably because of something Iv done whilst being suicidal

 

[popcorn]

no i ruined my life years ago before the realisation if depression hit home lol

 

[Gunnersup]

I'm really sorry about that, my situation is much the same. I'm a clever guy, but because of my depression I can't get any work done and I'm just getting more and more behind, and while my college know this and try to be helpful, there's not much they can do because they can't just give me good grades without the evidence.
Even if I tried to get better now, my life would still be fucked up because of how badly I've done in the past.

Man the same shit is happening to me. It sucks. Although I have miraculously (literally) healed from my depression a few weeks ago yet my school situation is in shambles due to my prior negligence to do any work lol. I'm even afraid to open up my school email because I know it will have hundreds of emails from my guidance counselors and professors wondering where the hell I've been for the past semester

 

[sparkie]

Good question and 100% yes

 

[Isisnefert]

A decir verdad, me siento bien mentalmente en este momento. Pero durante el año pasado estuve muy, muy deprimido y logré hacer absolutamente nada de mi trabajo universitario. Así que ahora estoy pagando el precio por mis acciones anteriores y apesta. Tengo que tratar con mis consejeros escolares y profesores para arreglar mi situación escolar.

¿Le ha pasado esto a alguien más? Me siento mejor mentalmente que nunca, pero mi situación en la escuela se destruye debido a mi depresión anterior. Por ejemplo, si mis calificaciones subieran de repente, sería un ser humano feliz. Pero estoy atrapado tratando de arreglar mis acciones pasadas

Me too
I can relate to all of you

 

[AnnonyBox]

I walked away from a lot of friendships, I'm not sure I regret it or not.

 

[xaea13]

Truth be told, I feel mentally fine right now. But for the past year I was very, very depressed and managed to do absolutely zero of my college work. So now I am paying the price for my prior actions and it sucks. I have to deal with my school guidance counselors and proffesors to fix my school situation.

Has this happened to anyone else? I feel mentally better then ever but my situation in school is destroyed due to my prior depression. Like, if my grades would go up all of a sudden I would be a happy human. But I'm stuck trying to fix my past actions

I'm in your exact same position, lol. Started slacking like crazy because I was 100% sure I'd CTB soon, but the damn ammo shortage here means I might not have a reliable method for a long time (and no, I am not trying SN, seen too many survival horror stories) and now I'm mega f**ked.

 

[Gunnersup]

I'm in your exact same position, lol. Started slacking like crazy because I was 100% sure I'd CTB soon, but the damn ammo shortage here means I might not have a reliable method for a long time (and no, I am not trying SN, seen too many survival horror stories) and now I'm mega f**ked.

It sucks, right. I'm failing all my classes and have yet to speak to a counselor, and the semester ends in a month. Fuck

 

[k75]

My life isn't ruined because of it, but I definitely do a lot of unwise things that have sent me back and made it very difficult for me right now. And a lot of it was caused by the mentality that I'm killing myself anyways so what does it even matter?

I'm really struggling financially because I give into the depression shopping trap. I just keep buying stupid shit I think will make me feel better, and then I get it and I don't even feel like opening the packages anymore. And then I feel guilty because I spent money that I didn't need to spend on stuff I'm not even going to touch.

Sometimes things feel like super urgent, like I have to have them right now or else. And then I get there and I don't even know why I cared. I think for sure I'm going to enjoy something and then I don't and then it's just 10 times more disappointing. Always such a letdown. I've lost count of how much stuff I've returned to Amazon over the last several months... but I just turn around and buy more crap to return and eventually I just don't even bother.

And because I give up and don't stick to my budget, I don't have enough money for things like food for half the month. But it doesn't matter because I don't bother to feed myself either. I just want to sleep, and I never get anything done.

On top of that I stopped taking all of my medications, which is an instant setback. And not just psychiatric meds. Things I actually need to live, like thyroid hormones because my thyroid was removed. And insulin, because I'm diabetic. And all that makes me feel even sicker, which majes me more suicidal. But it's stupid because my illnesses are part of what made me feel like that to begin with and I got worse basically by choice. Or neglect, really.

So I'm trying to pick up the pieces again and I don't know how it's going to go. I just really kind of just feel like withering away...

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Failed at college three times and failed at three different jobs because of mental weakness, now I have a completely blank resume for the last four years. Still think I can get hired if I get through vocational training and make some shit up about my mother having cancer (or even being suicidally depressed, haha). If this excludes me from ever having a job then I guess it's time 2 hang, heh. Well, I'm going to hang for not being normie enough to experience love anyway, but still. Lots of fun reasons to die, I guess.

 

[Isisnefert]

Estoy exactamente en tu misma posición, lol. Comencé a aflojar como loco porque estaba 100% seguro de que pronto tendría CTB, pero la maldita escasez de munición aquí significa que podría no tener un método confiable durante mucho tiempo (y no, no estoy probando SN, he visto demasiadas historias de terror de supervivencia ) y ahora estoy mega jodido.

I'm afraid by SN too

My life isn't ruined because of it, but I definitely do a lot of unwise things that have sent me back and made it very difficult for me right now. And a lot of it was caused by the mentality that I'm killing myself anyways so what does it even matter?

I'm really struggling financially because I give into the depression shopping trap. I just keep buying stupid shit I think will make me feel better, and then I get it and I don't even feel like opening the packages anymore. And then I feel guilty because I spent money that I didn't need to spend on stuff I'm not even going to touch.

A veces las cosas se sienten súper urgentes, como si tuviera que tenerlas ahora mismo o si no. Y luego llegué allí y ni siquiera sé por qué me importaba. Creo que seguro que voy a disfrutar algo y luego no, y luego es 10 veces más decepcionante. Siempre una decepción. He perdido la cuenta de la cantidad de cosas que he devuelto a Amazon en los últimos meses ... pero simplemente me doy la vuelta y compro más basura para devolver y, finalmente, ni siquiera me molesto.

Y como me rindo y no me apego a mi presupuesto, no tengo suficiente dinero para cosas como comida durante la mitad del mes. Pero no importa porque tampoco me molesto en alimentarme. Solo quiero dormir y nunca consigo hacer nada.

Además de eso, dejé de tomar todos mis medicamentos, lo cual es un revés instantáneo. Y no solo medicamentos psiquiátricos. Cosas que realmente necesito para vivir, como hormonas tiroideas porque me extirparon la tiroides. E insulina, porque soy diabético. Y todo eso me hace sentir aún más enferma, lo que me hace más suicida. Pero es estúpido porque mis enfermedades son parte de lo que me hizo sentir así al principio y empeoré básicamente por elección. O descuido, en realidad.

Así que estoy tratando de volver a recoger los pedazos y no sé cómo va a ir. Realmente tengo ganas de marchitarme ...

I've been addicted to usseless shopping to

 

[TheLomboq]

I´m not sure to be honest. I find it harder and harder to say, whether I´ve ruined my relationships because of depression or myself. Cuz I recall many days when I was at least sure that I was happy, but my mind and action would not change. As if taking some performance enhancing drug like Ritalin, but only experiencing its side-effects, like minor OCD or something. Don´t get me wrong, most days are horrible slogs, but there are some pleasures.

The only conclussion that I´ve come to at this point is, that depression certainly conjured a set of bad habits in me. And they persisted to this day and gradually made me the human that I´m today. Like it makes me want to still blame depression for everything, but only because if I don´t, the only thing that is left is me. And that is something I just couldn´t bear. I´m just too tired. Pseudo-rant out

 

[rotten]

Kinda. There's a lot of people that will never look at me the same and I've missed out on a lot of opportunities.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Yeah when my girlfriend broke up with me I basically lost my mind I didn't sleep for a month… And in this state of madness I managed to sell a lot of stock a huge loss during a little tiny mini crash at the start of the day… Not something I would ever do normally… Basically fucked my entire life up and put me here beyond help

 

[...]

Yep, after my suicide attempts all the relationships I once had will never be the same. There was perhaps the tiniest chance that my ex and the love of my life would get back together with me but now that will never happen. My parents hate her now, and she hates all of us.

Im now also in an overdraft after spending 1k within about a month's worth of depression - the majority of which were gifts to my ex on my birthday.

Basically being depressed has turned me into an active psychopath unless I am in bed all day doing nothing. My ex has told me she doesn't feel safe around me. Her friends and all our mutual friends (which are basically the only other people I know) all think I am dangerous. Because she's so fucking popular now I would not be able to walk around the city and university I loved without being recognised so I've dropped out and moved back in with my parents and I have nothing to do all day but hate myself

 

[ddd1234]

I ruined everything because a stupid misake. Cannot live with the consequences of my mistake. This is why I want CTB

 

[8AEM]

Yes. Depression aggravated one of my other mental disorders and it's now severely affecting my quality of life/functionality.

 

[myopybyproxy]

yes. I am now unable to purchase a firearm due to one failed attempt that was put on my medical record.

more recently, my grades and finances are a wreck because I have been living with the mindset 'I will be dead soon, no need to care about maintaining those'. but I don't have a concrete date yet nor all the materials for my method. I need to create a facade of getting my shit together before university starts sending probation letters to where I live - family will see it and I will likely get sectioned. or I need to hurry up and die already.

I keep delaying because I've not put in enough effort to gathering the materials quickly. first it was delayed to last summer when I first found a source, then it took months due to his unresponsiveness or being out of supply and sidestepping his paranoia to where I realised it will take a bit longer than I prefer to gather everything. finally I thought I would be ready three weeks ago but I only obtained one complete module this week. now it is delayed to mid-march - one more module and a few minor details left to sort out - but will likely end up delaying to summer if the past pattern is any indication.

 

[readyforsleep]

Yeah, I basically don't have any chance at a good future at this point.

 

[Bunyips]

I did the exact same thing. Instead of graduating in a year I'll graduate in 2 years. Feels like shit.