Discussion Has anyone here found a reason to want to live?

[aeoliandawn]

Hello. I LOVE this question, so much so that when I was a kid I used to ask people, flat out, word for word "Why don't you kill yourself?". Not in a rude way, I was sincerely interested. I NEVER, not even once, got a clear response, my guess is that most people don't have a reason to live. They just *do*.
This, I think is the key, as a recovering person myself. No calling? No problem.

At this moment, I'm living just because I can, giving this whole life thing a spin for the heck of it, if it doesn't work out CTB is always an option I have in the back of my mind, I know exactly what my method is, and I've done trial runs before so I know how to execute it in practice, too.
I've been told it's not a good idea to have CTB in the back of your mind, but for me it's freeing to have the awareness that comes with it, your mileage may very. I don't even think about it that much lately, but anyways, I digress.

To directly answer your question: I'm living just because, there's no bigger plan, nothing changed since I was a lot more sick than I am now.
There is no alternative, anyway, what'll await me after my death will be the same no matter how I choose to spend my time on this planet: eternal nothingness. Why rush?

Huh, I totally get you, most people just *live*, they don't think about it, it's just the norm to be alive, it's their instinct, I'm genuinely jealous of them.
Maybe the answer is just to not think about it, but I think too much and always get back to this thought
Thanks for replying either way buddy

 

[ravendrops]

My kids are my primary (honestly: only) reason to live. Everything else is ashes in anhedonia.

 

[JoeFailure]

Hello. I LOVE this question, so much so that when I was a kid I used to ask people, flat out, word for word "Why don't you kill yourself?". Not in a rude way, I was sincerely interested. I NEVER, not even once, got a clear response, my guess is that most people don't have a reason to live. They just *do*.
This, I think is the key, as a recovering person myself. No calling? No problem.

At this moment, I'm living just because I can, giving this whole life thing a spin for the heck of it, if it doesn't work out CTB is always an option I have in the back of my mind, I know exactly what my method is, and I've done trial runs before so I know how to execute it in practice, too.
I've been told it's not a good idea to have CTB in the back of your mind, but for me it's freeing to have the awareness that comes with it, your mileage may very. I don't even think about it that much lately, but anyways, I digress.

To directly answer your question: I'm living just because, there's no bigger plan, nothing changed since I was a lot more sick than I am now.
There is no alternative, anyway, what'll await me after my death will be the same no matter how I choose to spend my time on this planet: eternal nothingness. Why rush?

Can I ask what your method is? I would feel so much less anxious if I had my method secured. I agree that it would be freeing.

 

[kitty with love]

love.

 

[never mind me]

Travelling. Even when I was at my lowest at age 17 the thought that after finishing high school I will be able to travel abroad (by also working abroad and earning money) was a reason for me to not ctb. And when I finally got to travel I realized this is what I want to do in life, see as much of the world as I can. So I basically organised my life in a way that I can travel.
My partner is also a reason to live, at least most of the time.
Climbing or generally doing outdoorsy stuff tends to get more important in my life, so at that point it is probably also a reason to continue living.

 

[SlumberPunch]

my cat and my loved ones. i know how painful it is to grief for someone. i don't want to give that pain to them, they don't deserve it.

 

[red_cardinal]

I have plenty of reasons to live, it's that my mental and physical health aren't great, and my neurodivergence comes in the way at times

For me, some reasons are my partner and the experiences we have together, the fun, the good times, the emotional connection; traveling and seeing new places; nature; there are more books, movies, TV shows, art, and music than I could devour in a lifetime, and I want to explore as much as possible; food; cooking & baking, I love it and I love the process; crafts and exploring my creativity; sunsets; summer; museums; the likeminded people I can meet along my jouney through life; coffee etc. etc.

But I understand it can be tough to hang in and keep trying, motivation can run low, we become impatient, it's not easy to keep holding onto these things or seeing them as worth it sometimes. I wish you best of luck, no matter of your choice

 

[Higurashi415]

Huh, I totally get you, most people just *live*, they don't think about it, it's just the norm to be alive, it's their instinct, I'm genuinely jealous of them.
Maybe the answer is just to not think about it, but I think too much and always get back to this thought
Thanks for replying either way buddy

Sending big hugs you way bud. After writing that post I've practically hibernated, I've spent more hours sleeping than awake in the last 48 hours.
It definitely isn't a straight line. I know what it feels like to have a bug in your brain telling you evil things. Keep it up bro, and if you wanna talk for any reason feel free to DM.

Can I ask what your method is? I would feel so much less anxious if I had my method secured. I agree that it would be freeing.

Rope. I won't elaborate too much because it's the recovery section afterall,, but yeah, rope

 

[JoeFailure]

Sending big hugs you way bud. After writing that post I've practically hibernated, I've spent more hours sleeping than awake in the last 48 hours.
It definitely isn't a straight line. I know what it feels like to have a bug in your brain telling you evil things. Keep it up bro, and if you wanna talk for any reason feel free to DM.

Rope. I won't elaborate too much because it's the recovery section afterall,, but yeah, rope

I'll send a DM, obviously you don't have to answer, but if you want to

 

[FoxSauce]

Hmm family. I wanted to take my own life for years but I cant leave them behind with guilt.

I love my family but Im really considering ending it of not idk maybe some accident will take me away.

 

[Tomorrow Is Today]

I still think, stubbornly, that I can attain the life of my dreams if I had enough willpower, or if I believed hard enough. This conceited way of thinking kind of kept me hanging on, but in a counterintuitive way it also led to me not being able to pull away from these fantasies, to reframe and pivot my goals, which is cause for a lot of my unhappiness.

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

There are weekly board game nights at the community center in my hometown. I'm not looking forward to moving back, but I'm looking forward to that. I like playing games but have no one to play them with .