Maybe it's because I only have this website that I still interact with. I find myself making lots of posts and responding to everyone. I know that it's ridiculous to want to hear 1 message from some people I've never met online versus people that call me their best friends... but I'm starting to fade. Nobody really talks to me at my job and it's only for two hours. Honestly, I think that, and my studies is the only thing I'm really putting effort into, with some vain hope that if something gets better, if something blossoms, that I won't fall flat on my face when i reenter.
Distancing yourself can be very scary and sometimes you may find yourself wanting to speak to someone. It's strange, at least, that's what happening to me. But when one person comes over, the only thing they end up doing is just sitting next to me and patting my back until I go while I lay there. Fake laugh at a few things they say, and utterly make them miserable until they leave.
If it makes you feel any better, or, if you at least appreciate the sentiment, I'm sure a couple people on this site would lay with you. Just to lay in a room without a word where people know. Maybe have some hugs. I genuinely mean my hugs I give ppl on this website, and I wish you could get a hug that would make you full again.
