Wondering if I am alone in this it's like I've barricaded myself from the world and people I love. I turn my phone off so I don't get calls or texts and sleep all the time and cry. Leading up to this I was distancing myself from new people too but now it's happened to the people closest and the people helping me. I've put up walls and am sabotaging everything but can't stop it's not that I want to be alone I just don't want to waste people's time I'm not worth it. This past week where I wanted to CTB was planning to several nights and chickened out I didn't step outside my apartment for over a week. Wondering if I'm alone in this
Actually they distanced themselves from me. But definitely worse things have happened since then so that's sorta receded to the horizon.
For me it went both ways everyone distanced themselves from me too but I never made an effort to get contact back real bad except for some where I was rejected so I just distanced myself even more when I feel people distancing
TheDevilsAngel
LetMeFree
- Apr 22, 2019
- 768
I am in the prosess of me distancing myself from irl people... Usually they distant from me and I just don't bother then or else they will only talk to me every few weeks or so.... I am done with them users and non understanding judgemental f**ks! This forum imo is the only place where real people and like minded people are... The irl people are even more delusional than myself, myself as in a woman who lives mostly in a fantasy world but at least I am not suger coating life.. It is what it is...
WhyIsLife56
Antinatalism + Efilism ❤️
- Nov 4, 2019
- 1,075
I have completely withdrawn from everything. I just want to die already.
BPD Barbie
Visionary
- Dec 1, 2019
- 2,361
I've withdrawn from 99% of friends I used to have, quit my job, stay at home now and just interact with my mom and maybe less than a handful of other people. I now find it hard to talk to new people.
mesohappy
Cat piss sammich??
- Jan 10, 2020
- 674
Yeah,Im right there with you..Ive either pushed everyone and everything away or they pushed me away,completely dropped out of society.Rarely leave the house..I had a lot of money saved,bills on autopay,but now that's run out and if Im going to keep going I have to get out there and start hustling.Problem is I don't want to get out there, I don't want to deal with society.I don't want to deal with all the politics and being a wage slave again.I don't think I can.Ive been out of it for a looong time,and I waited to long to do anything about it.
Thereisnothing
Enlightened
- Jan 4, 2020
- 1,604
I have withdrawn alot and feel scared...........noone really IRL seems to get what is going on with anything, even if its staring them in the face.
1DayItWillBover
Student
- Dec 21, 2019
- 148
how long have you been feeling like this? You're not alone. It's the worse feeling to want to isolate yourself and just block everyone else out, because it's so much easier to do. I often block and cut everyone off because I don't want anyone to become skeptical of my plot, how I sound, body Language etc so it's easier to cut them off and or block out the world. I truly feel like this I been blocking everyone else I just go to school don't talk to any of the students, and go to work and not talk then I go home and sleep it's not healthy however I can't be around others who want to socialize when I can't I'm so deep in thought all the time constantly stressed just thinking of when I take my last breath I try not to think of it often however my Mind always wonders back to it. Sometimes I cry for no reason and tear up for no reason. I do have depression so isolation and wanting to be isolated is what I deal with daily. So yes I understand how you feel completely
thx1138
Student
- Jun 28, 2019
- 160
Everyone has distanced themselves from me, but I also helped them... Broke up with my long distance boyfriend 5-6 months ago, moved to a new city, and I haven't had any relationships or friends since. Sometimes I talk to my mom and co-workers but only because I have to. They think I'm just shy. But actually, I'm paralyzed with fear and dread. I don't want to interact with people in any way whatsoever. But if I don't go to work, I can't eat. Fuck society.
BlueWidow
Visionary
- Oct 6, 2019
- 2,179
I keep attempting to. I'm already naturally a loner and I don't really like to be around people, even when I'm feeling well.
I was doing really well detaching myself from everything because my SIL had surgery at the end of last month, so she had to recover from that for a few weeks. Then she got pneumonia and was in the hospital and then she had to recover from that also. While I don't wish her ill, the problem is when she's not ill or distracted by someone else's problems, she seems to focus solely on me. I had to go out to lunch with her the day before yesterday and she's already called me twice in the last day and a half. My only hope is that she'll find someone else to focus on and leave me alone again.
It's really hard to separate yourself from everything when you constantly have someone nagging at you to go out and constantly interfering in your life. I really wish I hadn't moved so close to her. I just had no clue she was going to be acting like this.
I was doing really well detaching myself from everything because my SIL had surgery at the end of last month, so she had to recover from that for a few weeks. Then she got pneumonia and was in the hospital and then she had to recover from that also. While I don't wish her ill, the problem is when she's not ill or distracted by someone else's problems, she seems to focus solely on me. I had to go out to lunch with her the day before yesterday and she's already called me twice in the last day and a half. My only hope is that she'll find someone else to focus on and leave me alone again.
It's really hard to separate yourself from everything when you constantly have someone nagging at you to go out and constantly interfering in your life. I really wish I hadn't moved so close to her. I just had no clue she was going to be acting like this.
Scooby-Doo
Student
- Oct 10, 2019
- 133
I'm exactly same. Can't be assed with anyone and nobody can be assed with me.
Garbage Person
Eating snowflakes with plastic forks
- Jan 17, 2020
- 305
I've always found more buoyancy in quarantine. Due to current circumstances, I've taken it a bit far. I can't withdraw completely, since I'm living in someone else's home but I don't do anything. Im spending all my time in bed. If I'm on my phone, I'm likely browsing here. The only person that contacts me is my ex, typically asking for money or some favor. I eat about once a day. Living off dry goods and fast food since we don't have a proper kitchen. My hygiene has gone to complete shit, psoriasis is leaving me feeling like I'm rotting away both physically, and mentally. Nothing sounds particularly fun, cant convince myself to watch or play anything. I'm ultimately becoming a ghost,and at the same time working on giving up the ghost.
Broken Chimera
The abyss also gazes into you
- May 27, 2019
- 972
I avoid dealing with people when I can because I'm a loner. I wish I could stay at home for good, but I have to get up and make things happen for myself. But when I'm ready ctb I'm gonna stay home until it's over.
AlreadyGone
Taking it day by day
- Jan 11, 2020
- 917
I have. I reached a point where I am just so unhappy with life, i just wish to not be bothered. I stopped socializing with my friends, family, and coworkers because I am just not happy anymore and I find this to be a waste of time at this point.
BabyYoda
F*ck this sh!t I'm out
- Dec 30, 2019
- 552
I don't really have the motivation to socialize anymore which isn't a good thing since tomorrow's the first day of the second semester of the school year and I have new classmates. Guess I'd just have to deal with making a bad first impression
Conker
Specialist
- Oct 22, 2019
- 351
Yep, gonna have to completely dissolve my soul soon enough so why bother with a poisoned world who's destiny isn't intertwined with mine. Reincarnation wouldn't be so terrifying if it weren't for humans being kept in a perpetual state of amnesia & hypnosis. Exhausted from having this artificial matrix imposed on me, and I've never found any tangible real hope that actually soothed my biggest worries/fears.
So, off to formlessness we go..
So, off to formlessness we go..
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NaNo210
Member
- Jan 9, 2020
- 21
I've distanced myself too, over 2 years I've just slowly cut down my communication with people outside. Deleted all social media a few weeks ago, changed phone numbers, left university, stopped looking for work or anything that will force me to interact with new people. If I still lived alone I'd be totally cut off right now. I want to slowly fade off so when I ctb it'll be like nothing has changed.
I feel for you buddy. The best thing for psoriasis - which i had really bad as a kid - sometimes still get flareups on shins is sunshine. That would be impossible ATM in Illinois. Try herbal cream Thuja or med i cannot mention here but will try - daivonex- plain vitamin E works also. I would go with thuja - miracles can happen it is safe and made from some species of European pine tree!
Garbage Person
Eating snowflakes with plastic forks
- Jan 17, 2020
- 305
@Tim101 Thanks for the recommendation, I'll check it out. I've been fighting it for over a decade now, seems to get worse as I age. Wouldn't bother me much if it was just on my scalp but it's also covering around a third of my face, leaving redness and/or scaling that's very off putting. Seems to build up a resistance to anything that starts working. It's easily my biggest issue with how I look. Gets old when people don't look you in the eyes or straight up mock you in some way for it.
porfin1234
Arcanist
- Dec 26, 2019
- 476
Pretty much except for couple of people. I still crave company and such but feel like I've become such a failure and waste that people are better off without me.
I finally completely pushed away a person that I honestly have not treated well (no clue why she keeps trying to be my friend) and I get so angry and triggered by her constantly trying to check on me and give me advice even when I ask for space that I am just simply not engaging with her anymore. She has a good heart but I get so irritated by her trying to be almost like a mom I am done. Mostly because I do feel like I will be ending things soon enough.
I got off Facebook. Don't need to be reminded of what a piece of crap I am compared to my friends and of the brief period I had where I actually could post positive things about my life and aspirations etc. That period was short and done.
I finally completely pushed away a person that I honestly have not treated well (no clue why she keeps trying to be my friend) and I get so angry and triggered by her constantly trying to check on me and give me advice even when I ask for space that I am just simply not engaging with her anymore. She has a good heart but I get so irritated by her trying to be almost like a mom I am done. Mostly because I do feel like I will be ending things soon enough.
I got off Facebook. Don't need to be reminded of what a piece of crap I am compared to my friends and of the brief period I had where I actually could post positive things about my life and aspirations etc. That period was short and done.
Ness
They/Them pronouns, please
- Aug 28, 2019
- 248
My only social contact is my classmates when forced to do a project for classes, my parents and/or lil bro by phone when they need something or all that, and discord friends. I mostly just don't answer my phone and excuse it with things like being in the shower or asleep or going to class... Because it's not important, they rarely call again, just throws me a message which I can then just react to on Messenger. So I use my voice only for class projects, and I have zero physical contact with pretty much anyone except for the extremely rare times (holidays really) I visit my parents so they won't nag me so much.
So discord. I write with people plenty there but I'm trying to lower the amount so I can stop whining and they can stop worrying. Interaction is tiring, yeah? I get that. You're definitely not alone, not even in the wanting to ctb part. I've been thinking of it every night and day since Friday and I keep not doing it. Don't know why. I've been skipping classes for almost a week, now.
So discord. I write with people plenty there but I'm trying to lower the amount so I can stop whining and they can stop worrying. Interaction is tiring, yeah? I get that. You're definitely not alone, not even in the wanting to ctb part. I've been thinking of it every night and day since Friday and I keep not doing it. Don't know why. I've been skipping classes for almost a week, now.
I often don't see anyone for over a week. Stuck in this shitty little house. I can make it as far as the shop but that's the only social contact I have due to health issues keeping me almost housebound.
Do you guys ever feel guilty after blowing people off when having your phone off etc and making back the contact later on?
Like missing appointments without explanation or not responding to people
Like missing appointments without explanation or not responding to people
FrailPaleStaleMaleSS
Hopeless addict druggicel
- Oct 21, 2019
- 140
Quite. I make an active effort to stay confined to my house as much as I can. I only really go the shop to buy alcohol. I have no real use for the real world. Theres 0 need to not just give in and keep myself away from people
You are not alone in this. I think once we have set our minds to leaving this world things like relationships and social interactions become trivial. In someways I don't want to make people form bonds that will only be more painful and broken. in other ways it is not worth the mental and emotional effort to socialize with people in person.
The exception is my children. They are tiny innocent creatures, and they need me to still be their mom. Being that they don't have the brain development and emotional tools to cope with me having severe depression or suicidal ideation I tend to suppress these feelings around them, and I still offer physical and emotional closenes.
The exception is my children. They are tiny innocent creatures, and they need me to still be their mom. Being that they don't have the brain development and emotional tools to cope with me having severe depression or suicidal ideation I tend to suppress these feelings around them, and I still offer physical and emotional closenes.
Been getting treated for my crps at this clinic and I stopped calling to cancel my appointments a couple times this week since I was just so depressed and planning to CTB and there was no one coming to help me go. But someone is coming today to help and now I feel guilty I don't even know if I want to show up I don't know what to do I feel like such a shitty human being who should have already killed myself. Those appointments could have really helped someone else but were wasted on me I don't think I'm worth it I don't know what to do I've been lying in my bed for weeks. But now I can finally get my meds and foods I just don't know what to do or say about my appointments what excuses to say or make I feel like a fool
I relate to this 100%. I'm still doing my best to be a dad and I'm upbeat and positive around them. They don't need to know how much I'm suffering.
In all other respects I've given up on life. I've quit working or looking for work, I'm staying at a relative's house and don't care to look for my own place. I isolate myself and try to avoid contact with anyone including a new friend I'd made last year. What's the point anymore?
foreveryoung
Member
- Jan 2, 2020
- 63
I tried and tried, sacrificed myself multiple times to "re-enter" into the rest of the world. Im just too different and raised in an isolated environment to relate to others. I don't have a place in this world even if i wanted. I stopped crying over it and accepted it as a fact. Through the literature i read I know that i am at least not alone. Its in fact a pretty common thing in this world to live in a isolated existence. I know that there are people who have it worse off than me who can still survive but will ultimately come face to face with death.
