Venting Hardest part of the day

[mlcs]

Every morning I wake up in disbelief that this really is my life. It could have been completely different but turned out the worst way possibl, I'll never be able to accept it. I feel like I was on the verge of something, that I'll just suffer a bit more and than enjoy life for couple of years but turns out it's just endless and pointless suffering and I have no control over anything.

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm seeing these posts daily and more frequently, it seems a lot of people are going through the life is a void right now. I hope life gets better for you

 

[mlcs]

I'm seeing these posts daily and more frequently, it seems a lot of people are going through the life is a void right now. I hope life gets better for you

I already reached a point of no return. If there was still hope I'd never search for this site.

 

[JustWantOut500]

Every morning I wake up in disbelief that this really is my life. It could have been completely different but turned out the worst way possibl, I'll never be able to accept it. I feel like I was on the verge of something, that I'll just suffer a bit more and than enjoy life for couple of years but turns out it's just endless and pointless suffering and I have no control over anything.

I feel this so much. The way I describe it is the inverse of having a nightmare. People have a nightmare and right when they wake up it still feels real, and there's just that pit of terror in you for a minute until you realize it was all a dream, and become relieved/relaxed. For people like us, we wake up into the nightmare.

 

[MrDarkness]

I already reached a point of no return. If there was still hope I'd never search for this site.

Same honestly same

 

[mlcs]

I feel this so much. The way I describe it is the inverse of having a nightmare. People have a nightmare and right when they wake up it still feels real, and there's just that pit of terror in you for a minute until you realize it was all a dream, and become relieved/relaxed. For people like us, we wake up into the nightmare.

I remember the period in my life when I thought I'm safe of extreme scenarios of others lives. When I would read about some random tragedy, or when someones life colapse or when they get seriously sick or mentally ill, I always thought of it as a movie scenario that is far away from me and could never happen to me because I live a normal life. Everything changed so quickly and I became completely different person. I thought everything has its limits and couldn't imagine to get to this point where I want to hurt myself and cease to exist.
Suffering continues and is developing into a bigger problem. I managed to block majority of the memories and everything that would remind me of my normal life. But now when I'm falling asleep or waking up those thoughts are hitting me while I'm half concious. I hate being awake and I hate being asleep.

 

[yetep30736]

I'm very closed to the non-return point. The point that brings me to this place.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I understand and I know how you feel and tbh be careful on who you associate yourself with, I remember this guy came to visit me and my mum didn't want him I around. I cooked for him, gave him some polo necks to wear because he said he wanted to show off his muscles (lol) anyway I even paid for his travel ticket to go back home (because he didn't have money) hhhm and he owes over a thousand of pounds till this day and guess what he is the one trying to destroy everything that I have ever had. Even when I visited him and his wife I gave him some money at the coach station etc and I even took my bank card to get a few things from this supermarket when I visited him and his family and he is the one trying to stop my bag for 5 years. Do not help any mf, those you have helped the most would end up doing the most f?ckery to you and I cannot stress this enough.

My mum always said to me I can't believe you lent him that money, his whole family is here and they are all working, they should have been the ones to help him and she was right. I never thought someone that I wanted the best in life would reach out at a local council where I was working to spread rumours about me and try to make me lose my job when I found out I lost it.

Devious people don't change and I get so angry when I think about all I did for him and this is the thank you I get in return. I'm so mad mad mad and mad because you know what I should have never allowed him in our house against my mum's wish, hard lesson learned here. Be selfish in this world because most people are and never ever help an outsider because they will be plotting whilst smiling in your face.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me suffering will always be unacceptable, existing here undeniably is so torturous, there really is far too much unnecessary suffering in existing and I find it horrible how we exist in a world where people suffer all through no fault of their own. One cannot escape from the possibility of extreme torture as long as they exist here, there is no relief in this hellish reality where chance so cruelly determines everything.

 

[ghost44]

Be selfish in this world because most people are and never ever help an outsider because they will be plotting whilst smiling in your face.

I felt that. The harshest truth of all.