Venting harder than expected.

[Tombadil]

I will probably be venting a lot, i am just thinking now. I am just now extremely stressed out while i was yesterday at peace, and the last time for the first time in decades.
After trying to order sn/kn i realize how much of a stressful ride it will be to realize it, and it will be for nothing if i am honest to myself, as i have no connections to dealers or whatever.
From what i know now, there is a high chance that is is impossible. And now the stress sets in. I wanted to spare my family the burden of me having a violent death. They are somewhat prepared for my passing, as the last years it was pretty obvious that i am reaching the end of my line. It has been a long road. The usual lifespan of people having experienced what i have is much much shorter, and i have lived with all that violence for so long. I have been dreaming of a non-violent end.
Srry just venting. I always write for stressrelief.

 

[auto138491]

we're here bro. vent away

 

[eternalpace]

There's no problem with venting... Write what you need to.

A few years ago, my attempts at partial suspension failed miserably... so I don't have many alternatives to a more graphic death. I've since moved to a state in which acquiring a firearm is much easier... and I purchased one a few weeks ago.

 

[seekingsafetyxoxo]

We're here to listen if you need to vent. I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. Wishing you peace.

 

[AstralMadness]

Where are you? maybe other users can help with sources?

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

my attempts at partial suspension failed miserably...

Nothing happened, right? Or were you found and rescued

 

[eternalpace]

Nothing happened, right? Or were you found and rescued

Neither. I tried in the home i rented by myself so there was nobody nearby... I attempted several times... I had to purchase a better rope... and then I struggled with positioning... and then my face bloating.. and then the survival instinct. It was a clusterf--- of problems.

 

[SaulGoodman420]

Its never easy, sorry.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

my face bloating

I played around with it a little recently and seemed to avoid this by placing the rope high and totally giving up on breathing and swallowing. You gotta just let it squish your throat once and for all and do nothing but relax, I think. I'm alive so not an expert lol

 

[Tombadil]

Where are you? maybe other users can help with sources?

i am in Malta, i visit Germany regularly. I am glad for all help regarding sources.