Hard time not talking about suicide

[Emerita]

Not even in a way thats confessing my intentions or a cry for help. But I find myself having to hold back in conversation because I just want to info dump on people things I have researched and learned about ctb. I know that is not something I should do, as it might come across as alarming especially because I tend to get excited when I can talk about something I know about. I love sharing knowledge with people but this is a topic that I can't, at least not with people outside of this community. Like I have the urge to talk about the medical/ physiological and mechanical aspects of it. Not that I want to depersonalize the experience of suicide hopefully thats clear. Does anyone else feel this? I plan on ctb later this year so I think that plays a part in it. If I was ctb sooner probably wouldn't be interested in info dumping. anyway luv yall <3

 

[Halfhourdays]

Yeah, I'm with you. I think it's natural to want to involve others in the actual act itself of catching the bus. Not wanting to be alone with all of this is what this community is predicated upon, and it's only natural to want to involve others/talk to people. Especially since our plans become something of an obsession.

 

[Namelesa]

I totally feel this. For me it feels like suicide is a core part of my personality now and I autistic hyper-fixate on methods so I really like talking about it but sadly suicide is such a taboo topic so it's often uncomfortable for others which makes me feel like people less accept and like who I am.

 

[snwcolt]

Yes 100% I've had to learn this lesson the hard way unfortunately. I've alienated several friends this way by either coming right on out and saying "yeah ima be dead by my own hand soon" or circling the subject enough for them to clearly just be ready to move on from a conversation with their disturbed friend who used to be somewhat normal.

 

[J&L383]

Yeah, I'm with you. I think it's natural to want to involve others in the actual act itself of catching the bus. Not wanting to be alone with all of this is what this community is predicated upon, and it's only natural to want to involve others/talk to people. Especially since our plans become something of an obsession.

I don't think it's going to happen in my lifetime but it would be nice if suicide could come up as a topic as easily as the weather, politics, or the stock market. If you're in such a place, let me know whether that is and I'll move there!

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

I feel the same and I have the bad suspicion, that I like all this thinking and talking about suicide too much. So much that it prevents me from doing it.

 

[MrBigSad]

Try not to get sectioned

 

[cjt11203]

Not even in a way thats confessing my intentions or a cry for help. But I find myself having to hold back in conversation because I just want to info dump on people things I have researched and learned about ctb. I know that is not something I should do, as it might come across as alarming especially because I tend to get excited when I can talk about something I know about. I love sharing knowledge with people but this is a topic that I can't, at least not with people outside of this community. Like I have the urge to talk about the medical/ physiological and mechanical aspects of it. Not that I want to depersonalize the experience of suicide hopefully thats clear. Does anyone else feel this? I plan on ctb later this year so I think that plays a part in it. If I was ctb sooner probably wouldn't be interested in info dumping. anyway luv yall <3

I've been wanting to die most of my life so the ideation is really alarming to me. But I do have to be selective with who I talk about it with. I am good at hiding behind irony so people don't take it too seriously.

 

[gothbird]

Yes, I relate to this more than I can probably articulate. There's a particular tension that comes with being a curious, knowledge driven person in the context of something as heavy as CTB. When you're wired to seek understanding, and especially when you find comfort in structure, physiology, or systems, it makes perfect sense that you'd want to process this the same way you would any other complex subject: by learning, organising, and sharing.

But, as you said, this isn't a topic that can be discussed openly without immediate consequence or misunderstanding. Even if your tone is analytical, even if your intent is purely academic, most people outside of spaces like this will hear alarm bells. To them, curiosity is a red flag. There's no room for nuance, and no real space for those of us who process death through logic rather than emotion. And it doesn't mean you're detaching from the emotion of suicide, either. I think it means you're trying to bring clarity to something that's otherwise overwhelming. You're not dehumanising the experience but you're just trying to understand it fully before stepping into it.

 

[grapevoid]

I info dump on people all the time, even about suicide, methods, statistics, all that. But, it's also my personality to dump random information, I read a lot, I've always got something completely random to talk about, so no one even thinks it's weird. I could very well be talking about SN and 5 seconds later be talking about how elephants are born and anyone who knows me wouldn't even bat an eye.

 

[needwaytohell]

Currently planning CTB here might take probably 2-3 years to set things up. It's glad that a community exists trying to find ppl here. Hopefully things go planned. I get it everyone wants to embrace hard times but as someone whose traumatized my brain is beyond cooked. I get dreams of bad things happening to me almost every week and everytime I hit the bed I choke myself by stopping to breathe. If I talk this to anyone else they laugh at me and ask me to move on . Life's hard!