Happy but suicidal?

[alivefornow]

I'm curious to whether there are people here who are happy or mentally stable, but still suicidal. Why do you wish to CTB? Why is a happy/normal life still not worth living? What is keeping you from doing it?

 

[metalpi]

I'm happy and I'm suicidal. I like being alive and a lot of things can be fun for me

I'm in severe pain, the DEA takedowns for people w/ pain doctors makes me afraid and the world we live in. wage slavery, psychiatry, and the things I need to do to survive with limitations I have make it insanely hard. I'm not wiling to wait for the better for shit to go down

What's keeping me from doing it? I play ball with what I need to do so I can do all the things I want to do in life before I die because otherwise it just feels boring and like a waste.

 

[disgugly]

Nice question, i'm not of those people tho. It's just reminded me of that suicide of nutritionist called Tara Condell. She had a pretty good life but did it anyway. Maybe it'll give you some insights on that. https://nypost.com/2019/01/31/young...st-hanged-herself-after-posting-suicide-note/

But pesonally, I don't think that people you've described are existing at all. I imagine those who are healthy, happy and mentally stable can wish that but only occasionally and not really meaning it, because they're generaly enjoing the life.

 

[metalpi]

Nice question, i'm not of those people tho. It's just reminded me of that suicide of nutritionist called Tara Condell. She had a pretty good life but did it anyway. Maybe it'll give you some insights on that. https://nypost.com/2019/01/31/young...st-hanged-herself-after-posting-suicide-note/

But pesonally, I don't think that people you've described are existing at all. I imagine those who are healthy, happy and mentally stable can wish that but only occasionally and not really meaning it, because they're generaly enjoing the life.

I think I agree but for me I want to enjoy life as much as I can because I plan on going out when I want to whenever I'm ready to. I've already got it down

 

[warmstrawberries]

happiness is a feeling not some permanent state. My life isn't just constant misery and there are many times where particular things will make me happy. It does not change the fact that there's suffering in my life that I do not have to experience anymore when I'm dead. Yeah there are good things I'll miss out on but I feel it's worth it to avoid the bad things, it won't matter to me once I'm dead

 

[dgdgtth]

Sometimes, when i feel happy, i think "there's no way life can get better than this. It will definetely get much, much worse, and i don't want to stick around to see it".

 

[AllMyDreams]

Most days I'm not depressed. I can distract myself with news or YouTube or personal projects. But when I don't feel much purpose in life, or sometimes, when I just genuinely wonder what the 'next phase' is after I die, and think that it might be a better fit for me than this dimension, I think about CTBing.

 

[Dextroid]

I am happy on occasion. When I hang out with others, when I consume media I love, etc. But whenever those things stop, the pain returns. It's always there even when I do feel joy, but it's so much worse when I'm not distracting myself with that stuff.

 

[immrw]

Maybe there's a difference between "feeling happy" and "being happy." There are definitely times I feel happy-- when I laugh at a funny meme, a new episode of a show I enjoy comes out, I earn a scholarship, when I received job offers, etc. (Arguably these are just mini dopamine rushes and not true happiness) However, even during these happy moments, I'm still experiencing pain from trauma. So, I feel happy, but I don't think I am happy. Like the above user said, these moments feel like distractions from my baseline.

I think from the outside, it looks like I have a good life. I get good grades, have excellent opportunities coming up, eat healthy, etc. However, the mental turmoil I experience on the inside just makes all this feel like not enough. I don't want to be depressed anymore, to have nightmares reliving my trauma, to feel alone amongst friends. It's getting to the point where I don't feel like these distractions are worth it anymore.

 

[Archness]

Happiness, dopamine, etc are quite temporary. I can still experience them but less and less as time goes on. Looking inwards, understanding myself and getting a good idea about this world, I realize that "Fulfillment" is essentially impossible. I'm quite useless, not completely, but I have nothing to make myself valuable apart from an able body. I'm more and more aware of how flawed human-nature is, but understand it's inevitable.

Still, I'm considering ctb. That's because I'm only living for brief flickers of dopamine and pleasure. I'll certainly miss alot not being here, but I wonder if what I'm missing is worth staying here? After all, life won't be much but base instincts, contributing to the social machine, and hedonism. The overwhelming majority of myself, my soul, my consciousness, just won't be needed. I'd be stuck in my own head, living of food, water, and pleasure.

Certainly, technology will make human life better, at the cost of making humanity itself redundant, and possibly obsolete. I'd prefer to die with dignity as a human, then to have to choose between becoming a machine or becoming a veggie connected to a pleasure machine.

 

[Nights]

Sometimes i'm happy, yet suicidal, i still want to die even if i'm happy, if the reasons for my happiness isn't the reasons that i want them to be, then i will still be suicidal