haaahh i miss them so much i want to die

[emptymiku]

it happened more than a year ago. ive been finally starting to recover from them leaving me in recent months. but i had a dream about them again and its the last straw i cant stop thinking about them god help me

the only time i have ever been truly happy was whenever i talked to them. i felt alive. ever since they indirectly unfriended me, i've been able to mostly recover, but for some reason that dream sent me over my fucking breaking point. i cant take this anymore. i wish so badly that i could kill myself and them at the same time, but i wont. that wouldnt be fair to them. it was all my fault, anyways.

they'll probably be happy when i die. i want so badly to make them happy again. i'd blow my brains out with a shotgun right this moment if it meant they could be happy because of my actions. they probably either forgot about me already, or hate me with all of their heart, and i can't tell which is worse.

i'm tired of being a failure. i'm tired of being a useless drain of resources. i'm tired of being without them. my life has no purpose if i'm still obsessing over this friendship i had with someone who doesn't even remember me and that has been over for longer than it lasted. if i had one wish i'd wish for them to like me again, like the selfish hog that i am. i'm irredeemable.

 

[23421]

i feel like i could've written this, except for me it was a romantic relationship and the person pushed me away instead of outright breaking up. i have so much shame from the way i was with that person, all that is on my mind every single day is that i need them to love me again but also i have to kill myself because i am a terrible, irredeemable monster that does nothing but ruin people's lives. i want to isolate again :')

 

[emptymiku]

i feel like i could've written this, except for me it was a romantic relationship and the person pushed me away instead of outright breaking up. i have so much shame from the way i was with that person, all that is on my mind every single day is that i need them to love me again but also i have to kill myself because i am a terrible, irredeemable monster that does nothing but ruin people's lives. i want to isolate again :')

same here dude. same. it was also more of a push away for me but sudden in a sense. i stopped messaging them to see if they would message me first and they didnt.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I feel the same things you described. And I used to wish and wish they would hate me because it would be so much better than forgetting me. I'm sorry you have to feel this pain. I'm here if you need to talk to someone

 

[emptymiku]

I feel the same things you described. And I used to wish and wish they would hate me because it would be so much better than forgetting me. I'm sorry you have to feel this pain. I'm here if you need to talk to someone

i wish they forgot about me because i still care about them so much and i dont want them to be angry...

 

[kunikuzushi]

i wish they forgot about me because i still care about them so much and i dont want them to be angry...

That is very kind

 

[emptymiku]

That is very kind

not really, i just dont want people to be upset if they dont deserve it

 

[Afterglow]

i feel that, the love of my life left me 4 months ago because she doesnt want me to rely on her anymore because she wants to kill herself. i would be there even in the end for her if she wanted me to, but shes shut me out so much now. she was the only thing i had in life. i cant go on without her. it makes me feel sick.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

No wonder so many people kill themselves out of heartbreak. I'll join the statistic soon, I'm tired of all this pain and life just breaking my heart with every chance I have at a romantic relationship. The two women I've wanted the most have been the ones who've hurt me the most: the first one almost killed me, the second one succeeded.

 

[23421]

i feel that, the love of my life left me 4 months ago because she doesnt want me to rely on her anymore because she wants to kill herself. i would be there even in the end for her if she wanted me to, but shes shut me out so much now. she was the only thing i had in life. i cant go on without her. it makes me feel sick.

i felt that so much, it sounds exactly like what happened to me. im so sorry. nobody gets it, the pain is soul crushing

 

[zentiiicharcoal]

i feel like i could've written this, except for me it was a romantic relationship and the person pushed me away instead of outright breaking up. i have so much shame from the way i was with that person, all that is on my mind every single day is that i need them to love me again but also i have to kill myself because i am a terrible, irredeemable monster that does nothing but ruin people's lives. i want to isolate again :')

Relatable. I was bpd discarded at the worst possible moment in my life and seems they are convinced and unwilling to even talk to me about it.