Venting Guys I need your thoughts…

[fruit-loops]

I ordered N (Italy https://www.pcmchimica.it/) and I received two envelopes like that.

N from Italy sounds impossible. Do you mean SN (SODIO NITRITO) ?

 

[LostSoul1609]

I am in a very dark place right now. Not because of me, because of my family. I don't know how I should be with them - kinda prepare them for what will happen and try to cheer them up to live without me or be absolutely cheerful and don't even mention anything like that so it would be unexpexted? What do you think? I go arond and around with these thoughts…

also how do you cope with thoughts that they will have a very hard time without you? Tell me anything.


I just find myself wanting to talk to my mum or dad to be strong and that they will be happy and how it is also my decision… don't know what to do with myself.

they also talk about future to me all the time it makes me going crazy. Basically the question is: insist that there is no future for me or don't say anything?
those of you who talk to me - thanks, I'm close to going insane these days…

Hi
Suicide will affect them no matter what you say, in the end it's their choice on how to move or if they want to move on, a suicide note might help, but you can't program their feelings, they'll feel pain and grief and there's no going around that.
Have you ever talked to them about it? Not suicide, of course, but rather about how you are feeling? People with good parents usually can get a great grip on life from that and I'd advice you to exhaust all possibilities before you resort to your last decision. You don't have to tell them you are planning to kill yourself, but discussing your emotions can help and it might make your passing more understandable to them, which might help in alleviate their pain.

I hope you make the right choices, peace <3

 

[angelus]

The way I see it, this scenario offers 2 choices:
1. you can tell them, but more then likely they are going to try and save, comfort, help you. It's very hard for a non-suicidal person to understand our pain. If you're not sure about your CTB, have second thoughts, you have hope, then I think that telling them is the right thing. Everyone needs help there is no shame in asking for it. And there is no shame in accepting it.

2. Not tell them in which case you'll feel guilty, and all the lies and pretending will be painful. This is my option at the present time. As I feel like I don't have much time left, I opted to speak to my parents 3 times a week via video chat (they live in another country), tell them I love them very much, tell them I'm fine, help them with daily life from a distance etc. In the suicide note, I made a section specific to them explaining my reasons, transmitting my love, reassure them that this is what I wanted and this is the best course for me.
I tried to live for others but I don't have the strength left to go on. For them not to suffer I had to suffer and I carried my cross for as long as I could, it's just too heavy now and I can't no more.

Consider yourself as the centre of the universe, just one time, and see which sacrifice makes you happy: sacrificing your life or sacrificing your fear of telling them and get help.

It is easy to speak. These scenarios seem so simple. But chosing one of them is the darkness. It's nearly impossible to make a choice, because none of them offers a full satisfaction and inner peace. The more you try to chose between them, the more you find it impossible. The more you find it impossible to take a decision, the more you suffer. And the more you suffer, the more you wish to die. The more you wish to die, the more you are not able to take a decision about how and when, which makes you suffer more.
I assume you are able to do it the moment it becomes unbearable, by an impulsive act.
But then, your exit would take place in a time of despair. I'd like to avoid that, this is why I want to ctb now when everything is still bearable and I can find moments of peace.
Yet, @anaboleyn might not be phisically able to do it in the future, so thjs is making her more anxious about it. It's hard to take a decision, but my recommendation is to work with your psyche. The difficulties in this area are only related to your subjectivity. Change that, and you change how you feel about it. Create in your mind solid arguments for your wishes, so you can support them heavily. Make them objective, believe them. Convince yourself that you're right, that your decision is the only possibility, consider how your suffering will will worsen in the future, consider you'll be feeling much more helpless, ignored and in more pain in the future. Your only enemy is your own mind. The battle is between you and your mind.
Yet, even if you dealt with these problemes and put them aside, you coud still find it difficult about the very moment and procedure. That is the SI. It cannot be defeated by any human being, but in two ways: by an impulsive act, when your will or your pain is greater than the SI, or by tricking it.