Help gun purchase to ctb

[summers]

Hollow points also have the advantage of less chance going through you, the wall, and a neighbor.

I have a Sig Sauer .45, a police type pistol. Love it!! Ammo for the semi auto .45's is labeled ACP (Auto Colt Pistol) or "Auto". Avoid Taurus. They are trash. The last thing you need is a cheap POS that may jam or misfire.

Jams only matter if you're firing more than one round. If you're using a gun to ctb, there will be a round in the chamber. No chance of that jamming.

 

[xaea13]

I've been looking to ctb w/ firearm for a few months and planned to buy one from Academy (big box retailer in the US) but just a month or 2 ago, their site stopped showing any ammo available for in-store pickup (not even limited stock, just nothing available at all). Anyone familiar with Academy or gun sales know whether there's just a huge ammo shortage these days or if they actually stopped allowing in-store pickup for ammo?

 

[summers]

@xaea13 Not sue about Academy specifically, but ammo has been stupidly hard to find lately. Best bet would be a local shooting range, prices will be very high, but they should have some ammo in stock. Otherwise check Armslist.

 

[olieolieoxenfree]

I have bought a gun with intent to kill myself twice, and both times no problems. I'm pretty sure I was practically in tears when I bought the bullets and no one seemed to have any hesitations of letting me buy them.

 

[lifeisbutadream]

A shotgun is by far the best for your purpose. If it has to be a handgun a *good* revolver is much simpler and more foolproof than a (semi) automatic. There are millions of first time gun buyers these days. All you need to say if asked is you want it for home protection. There are gun threads here that explain ammo etc. One very important point right now is that guns and, especially, ammo is very hard to find. The gun stores are sold out.

 

[summers]

@lifeisbutadream agree 100% on the shotgun. But with handguns, the min you would want is a 44mag. I know people swear by the 357, but that's a pretty small bullet - smaller in diameter than a .380 or 38 special. Very powerful, but that power goes into penetration and speed. A 44 mag revolver is going to cost you at least $400, you can get many models of 45 pistol for half that.

Reliability is not an issue when using a gun to ctb. You are not cycling rounds. You have one in the chamber. Unless there is actually an issue with your trigger, hammer or striker, it is going to fire. Even the cheapest and lowest quality pistol (ie, Highpoint or Taurus) will be more than good enough to ctb. Now, if you want to use a pistol for other things, like home/personal defense, or shooting at the range, then you should look into a Glock, S&W, HK, or Sig.

 

[lifeisbutadream]

@lifeisbutadream agree 100% on the shotgun. But with handguns, the min you would want is a 44mag. I know people swear by the 357, but that's a pretty small bullet - smaller in diameter than a .380 or 38 special. Very powerful, but that power goes into penetration and speed. A 44 mag revolver is going to cost you at least $400, you can get many models of 45 pistol for half that.

Reliability is not an issue when using a gun to ctb. You are not cycling rounds. You have one in the chamber. Unless there is actually an issue with your trigger, hammer or striker, it is going to fire. Even the cheapest and lowest quality pistol (ie, Highpoint or Taurus) will be more than good enough to ctb. Now, if you want to use a pistol for other things, like home/personal defense, or shooting at the range, then you should look into a Glock, S&W, HK, or Sig.

Bud Dwyer used a .357 magnum revolver. An auto has a bit of a learning curve, loading the mag, and inserting it fully and correctly, clearing the safety if it has one. Also loading the mag and pulling the slide back requires some hand strength. A revolver is simpler. We are in complete agreement on the first item though.

 

[bobjohn420911]

Definitely. I don't want anything to jam or misfire, this is a one time deal for me and it has to work. I plan on doing it outside

Hey bro. Listen serious question. Why do you want to die? do you have a physical problem causing pain? or do you just have emotional/mental problem. Because if you don't have any physical problems making it too painful to live you should definitely avoid suicide at any cost. That is last resort? whats the problem man. You can talk it out and fix any mental problems and get better.

Do you have physical problems? or mental? or both?

 

[summers]

Hey bro. Listen serious question. Why do you want to die? do you have a physical problem causing pain? or do you just have emotional/mental problem. Because if you don't have any physical problems making it too painful to live you should definitely avoid suicide at any cost. That is last resort? whats the problem man. You can talk it out and fix any mental problems and get better.

Do you have physical problems? or mental? or both?

You really think it's right to label someone's emotional/mental issues as "just"? These can be as or more debilitating than physical issues. Sorry, but you're really showing your ignorance here...

 

[iwanttodie000]

Hey bro. Listen serious question. Why do you want to die? do you have a physical problem causing pain? or do you just have emotional/mental problem. Because if you don't have any physical problems making it too painful to live you should definitely avoid suicide at any cost. That is last resort? whats the problem man. You can talk it out and fix any mental problems and get better.

Do you have physical problems? or mental? or both?

Appreciate the concern, but I have a rather long list of reasons. Mild physical, major mental with depression/anxiety. It's not "just" mental problems though, mental health is just as important as physical and can be just as dibilitating in different ways. It's unfortunatly not as easy as "just talking it out". It's put in years and years of fight and work to no avail and I finally made the decision that peace is worth more than fighting at this point.

You really think it's right to label someone's emotional/mental issues as "just"? These can be as or more debilitating than physical issues. Sorry, but you're really showing your ignorance here...

I didn't see your response until after I posted mine and we said the same thing

 

[bobjohn420911]

You really think it's right to label someone's emotional/mental issues as "just"? These can be as or more debilitating than physical issues. Sorry, but you're really showing your ignorance here...

well i mean mental problems are more solvable then physical pain. You can focus your mind. Take control of your thoughts. If you have the confidence or the right mentor/friend to help you.

Mental problems are usually solvable. Not all physical pain is.

No one should kill themselves just because of their own thoughts. Only reason you should kill your self is to evade torture or impisonment. Like a warrior doing seppuku to evade capture.

 

[TheGreatEscape]

Not the PP but with regards to "just" mental problems: I know that, with work, I might be able to change my mindset to accept my station in life: poverty, physical deformity and other conditions that are not physically painful or life-threatening. But I don't want to accept that. It is a terrible way to live and I'm ready to move on.

 

[iwanttodie000]

Not the PP but with regards to "just" mental problems: I know that, with work, I might be able to change my mindset to accept my station in life: poverty, physical deformity and other conditions that are not physically painful or life-threatening. But I don't want to accept that. It is a terrible way to live and I'm ready to move on.

Exactly, agree 100%

 

[booray]

Hey bro. Listen serious question. Why do you want to die? do you have a physical problem causing pain? or do you just have emotional/mental problem. Because if you don't have any physical problems making it too painful to live you should definitely avoid suicide at any cost. That is last resort? whats the problem man. You can talk it out and fix any mental problems and get better.

Do you have physical problems? or mental? or both?

You obviously have no clue how debilitating depression can be. I've been living with it for years and I'm not getting any better in spite of therapy and anti-depressants. And the worst part is that everybody presumes that I can just somehow magically better because it isn't a physical ailment. Why are you on here, btw?

 

[Nicothe13th]

Makes perfect sense. Looking into either a shotgun or a 45 perhaps, still doing research on what type for sure would be better for me since I will be doing it outside in a large park setting

No open casket for you my friend

 

[bobjohn420911]

You obviously have no clue how debilitating depression can be. I've been living with it for years and I'm not getting any better in spite of therapy and anti-depressants. And the worst part is that everybody presumes that I can just somehow magically better because it isn't a physical ailment. Why are you on here, btw?

I have dealt with depression for a long time. First time i remember is when i was about 10 or 11 and i had thoughts of hanging myself. I never tried it was just a temporary thought that I had. I grew up in a home without a dad and my mom would verbally abuse me all the time. Never let me do anything i wanted like have video games or stay up past 9 pm so i can watch family guy or futurama. Then I would get jealous because kids at school talking about how they saw the family guy episode and "IT WAS SOOOOO FUNNY" man i was so depressed about stuff like that. Not having Nike shocks because my mom says there too much money and i have shoes with holes in them while other kids have brand new nike shocks every week. I was always depressed about stuff like that. Mostly material stuff. In highschool i was really depressed. I was depressed about the world. How there is starvation and the country is being ripped off by central bankers. Lots of stuff out of my control and really out of my personal space I let it effect me. I also let things like not being aloud out past 10 pm to go to partys or my friends excluding me and not inviting me to most partys I let that make me really depressed. I also did not eat a lot. I rarely ate vegetables.

I realize now that lots of my depression growing up was because no one gave me instructions on how to live. For example i mean sure they tell you to eat veggies at school but no one actually sat me down face to face and told me "You should eat lots of vegtables/healthy food and drink lots of water so your brain works properly and you feel happy"

No one gave me any advice or instructions like for example to do focused breathing and breath in peace and exhale stress or meditate and clear my mind.

I had no one. My friends did not tell me anything i can remember important just focused on themselves and would call me perma fried because I told them i was smoking weed other day alone. and I looked burnt out. Realize now that all my friends were just assholes holding me back in life. Other dudes i know just ignored me.

My dad whenever i would see him or live with him in the summers would just smoke pot with me constantly and give me pot. Of course i would take it. I mean i was a kid (!6) if you gave me anything i would take it .... give me a bottle a water i would drink it. give me cookies or candy i would eat it. Of course he gives me a gram and leaves me alone in his house im going to smoke it I dont know any better.

So basically i let things like problems with the world/ my mom yelling at me putting me down/ my dad also telling me depressing stuff/ my friends calling me gay or a faggot or perma fried because "they are joking" i let that stuff REALLLY make me depressed.

However when i moved out and graduated i started feeling more free. I am able to go out late as i want. No one is saying negative things to me. However when my mom would phone she would nag me down and if i saw my dad he would also throw NEGATIVE energy my way.

Although i was determined to make something of myself. I had a real problem though when i was 19. I realize now that i was no in reality. I had no skills or know how to be able to talk to girls. I also had real confidence issue and thought i was unworthy and unattractive. It did not matter that in highschool a few girls said i looked really good. You are your own worst critic. And when i looked in the mirror i thought i looked bad. I think i had delusion from smoking so much pot.

anyways this was not all so bad. It was survivable. I mean i had plans to quit weed someday and go into business. However something terrible happened to me that has made my life a nightmare.

So mind you when i am 16 my mom is talking to my "step dad" (some drunk asshole who never talked to me) i ask them what they are talking about (curiosity killed the cat) my mom says oh we are talking about vasectomys! im like whats that? she says "oh thats when a guy gets a surgery to not have kids anymore!" i reply " that sounds wierd" she says oh well YOUR dad had one and HE never complained about it.

Fast forward i am staying with my sister at her house because she promised to help me get a job. She ended up just saying i am lazy because i sleep in and play video games and to get my own job and walk into town myself and got me to clean her house and clean up her 2 dogs dog crap in the back yard. Man i should have told her TO FUCK OFF!!!!!! but i was a little bitch back then. My mom had broken me like a farm animal growing up.

Anyways my sister out of no where asks me if i want kids? i say no because obviously my experience as a kid was shit i never got xbox or had fun or got to stay out with friends or even stay over at peoples houses. My sister then says oh well you should get a vasectomy my boyfriend had one. you should get one. I just say " uhhhhh" thinking in my head like wtf but the idea is SOOOOO above my comprehension and ability to understand the SEVERITY of what she just said that i forget about it like 5 minutes later....

damn. So then about 6 months later I am hanging out with a girl who is actually the daughter of my dads girlfriend. Yeah bad idea right? it gets worse. She tells me one night in tears crying her eyes out that a doctor told her she is unable to have kids. I tell her that thats fine its not the end of the world.... days later i tell her i want her to be my girlfriend because she was actually kind of cool she liked to play call of duty.

She just got dumped by her ex bf and that is why i was hanging out with her because she asked me to because she was sad about it. I never have had a girlfriend or had sex. I tell her this and she says that we can have sex in a month from now. So i wait and we hang out a couple times and then finally the day arrives she says we can have sex. Ok i am going to tell the dead ass truth. I go to have sex with this girl she gives me condom i put it on. first time ever putting on condom. Feels wierd. I go inside her. Dude she was so lose from her ex i could barely feel anything.

I tell her this and she kinda laughs. she then says well i cant get pregnant not like you have to use a condom. So i am dumb so i take it off. Try to make this as short as possible.... I am having sex with her no condom and she says to cum in her so i do because agian i am dumb 19 year old. dude immediately she says "wow i cant believe you did that" I SAY WTFF??? what u mean u said u cant get pregnant. She says ohhhhhh actually there is a small chance "WTFFFFFFFFFFF" dude i show up to her house 2 weeks later and look at her arms and she has cut marks all the up and and down her arm. Her whole arm had like 30 cut marks. I am so scared because i have never seen this before. she says she did it because she is depressed. Later tells me she thinks she is pregnant. week later says she is pregnant. I tell her i am not ready at all to raise a kid i can barely take care of myself/ handle my own issues.

I tell her to ask her dad because her dad is rich and she lives with him. Her dad i guess yells are her a bunch to get abortion. I stupidly agree with him and tell her that she should because this was an accident and we should not have had unprotected sex. Although she says that since she is pregnant we dont have to use condoms because she cant get pregnant again. I am dumb so i just continue having sex with her for next 2 months then she goes to get abortion and backs out of it. Tells her dad though lies to him tells him she got it done. Tells me to keep the secret. I phone her 2 weeks later ask her WTF is going on she says that she will only get an abortion if i get a vasectomy.

So month earlier she said that she is actually allergic to birth control and that she looked online about birth control methods and she read about vasectomy. She really manipulated/ seduced me into reading about it. She is like "look at this it is so easy then you can have sex with me when ever you want without a condom." at the time she actually got me to select a clinic i would go to if i hypothetically got it done.

I was not ready to do that and also suspicious but again the SEVERITY of how DIRE of situation i was being exposed to was OVER my comprehension OVER my wildest imagination.

So now after he backing out of an abortion and she is 3 months pregnant. I also quit my 50k a year job week before her attempted abortion because i wanted to make sure she got it and was able to go with her to the city to get it.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STRESSED OUT. i am smoking tons of pot FREAKING OUT. Thinking of suicide I JUST WANT THIS TO END.

So she says last minute " she will only book abortion if i book vasectomy." so i say " OK WHATEVER I WILL THEN. boom i book appointment she books hers. boom i am unlucky as fuck. her abortion and my vasectomy are same day. I go to my consultation for vasectomy. Of course i say i want to go alone but nooooo thats to lucky.... THE GIRL HASSSS TO GO WITH ME. yeah she insists and says over and over she wants to go to vasectomy consultation. we go there sit in office i start reading the papers they give me. RED FLAGS start apperaring. The paper work has a surgeons general warning of depression... suicide... pain in your balls.... hernia..... blood in seamen.... like 90 crazy nightmare HORRIBLE complications and risks from surgery i am like " he "girl" look at this in a concerned voice" she says "ohhh that is just complications MY ABORTION HAS THAT TOO"

so i just you know i felt bad that she was getting abortion to be honest so i guess i just was like welp i guess i have to ignore these risks now. Basically i felt like my child was being held hostage by this girl and i had to get this vasectomy no matter what. Dude this doctor that did vasectomy was telling me for like 15 minutes over and over to not get it not get it and wear condoms however i just lied to him and told him condoms dont work for me and i have to get vasectomy or i might knock this girl up again. i lied to him and told him she already had an abortion i dont want her to get another one. she also lies to him to and tells him she is not pregnant . i was only lying because i just felt forced and i had to in order for her to get abortion. basically i went crazy and delusional mode. mind you i was smoking lots of pot. probably had physicosis.

long story short. i get vasectomy she gets abortion. vasectomy HURT SO BAD IT WAS TORTURE IT WAS TORTURE i dont know how the fuck anyone says it does not hurt or it is good idea. IT WAS MOST PAIN I EVER FELT. and i have gotten 9 stitches in palm of my hand before.

after i get tortured with vasectomy i go to abortion clinic and my girl is drugged from the nurses and preped for abortion and she asks me to go in with her and i witness the abortion of my first born child murdered. saw the abortion and them putting the fetus into a garbage bag and then a medical disposal basket.

scarred me for life. Man after this i was cumming blood for weeks. I was in discomfort for months. the bleeding stopped but the discomfort from vasectomy did not. It has been 5 years and i have discomfort in my balls almost 24/7 365..... it is a nightmare. i cant lift heavy or run fast without my balls retracting tight up to my groin making it painful to move.

man i was LIVID the following years after this. Crying for months crying for years everyday. screaming at the top of my lungs "FUUUUUCK" FUUUUUUUCK" WHY"""" WHY" WHY WHY WHY WHY" i could not believe i did this. I could not believe i was so manipulated into getting neutered like a dog.

man. I have read lots of things. I have learned lots of things. Material possesions do not mean anything. Your body is the most priceless valuable important possession you have. So nike shocks or nice cars don't mean anything to me now.

Water food and shelter. That is all i need. the basics. I have that. My mind is just imagination. Imagination can be unicorns or fairys it is not always reality. So I try to control my mind and use it to help me not make me feel worse.

If i think about all the relationships i cannot have anymore and all the sex i am missing out on because of post vasectomy pain i will get depressed.

if i think about that i am lucky to be able to walk or lucky to be able to read or talk. then i will feel ok.

My life seems like a nightmare however i am fighting through it. I have alot more to say although i need to do some thinking before i write anymore because i think i am not ready to share my thoughts in a direct to the point way. i hate rambling/walls of texts.

anyways that is basically 70% of the story although there are lots of darker details i am leaving out

 

[summers]

No one should kill themselves just because of their own thoughts. Only reason you should kill your self is to evade torture or impisonment. Like a warrior doing seppuku to evade capture.

Yours are the musings of someone on the mental level of a child. Your points are invalid and contradictory. This is the real world, not some Japanese battlefield.

Good for you for overcoming your challenges. That doesn't make you superior to anyone on this forum.

 

[booray]

I have dealt with depression for a long time. First time i remember is when i was about 10 or 11 and i had thoughts of hanging myself. I never tried it was just a temporary thought that I had. I grew up in a home without a dad and my mom would verbally abuse me all the time. Never let me do anything i wanted like have video games or stay up past 9 pm so i can watch family guy or futurama. Then I would get jealous because kids at school talking about how they saw the family guy episode and "IT WAS SOOOOO FUNNY" man i was so depressed about stuff like that. Not having Nike shocks because my mom says there too much money and i have shoes with holes in them while other kids have brand new nike shocks every week. I was always depressed about stuff like that. Mostly material stuff. In highschool i was really depressed. I was depressed about the world. How there is starvation and the country is being ripped off by central bankers. Lots of stuff out of my control and really out of my personal space I let it effect me. I also let things like not being aloud out past 10 pm to go to partys or my friends excluding me and not inviting me to most partys I let that make me really depressed. I also did not eat a lot. I rarely ate vegetables.

I realize now that lots of my depression growing up was because no one gave me instructions on how to live. For example i mean sure they tell you to eat veggies at school but no one actually sat me down face to face and told me "You should eat lots of vegtables/healthy food and drink lots of water so your brain works properly and you feel happy"

No one gave me any advice or instructions like for example to do focused breathing and breath in peace and exhale stress or meditate and clear my mind.

I had no one. My friends did not tell me anything i can remember important just focused on themselves and would call me perma fried because I told them i was smoking weed other day alone. and I looked burnt out. Realize now that all my friends were just assholes holding me back in life. Other dudes i know just ignored me.

My dad whenever i would see him or live with him in the summers would just smoke pot with me constantly and give me pot. Of course i would take it. I mean i was a kid (!6) if you gave me anything i would take it .... give me a bottle a water i would drink it. give me cookies or candy i would eat it. Of course he gives me a gram and leaves me alone in his house im going to smoke it I dont know any better.

So basically i let things like problems with the world/ my mom yelling at me putting me down/ my dad also telling me depressing stuff/ my friends calling me gay or a faggot or perma fried because "they are joking" i let that stuff REALLLY make me depressed.

However when i moved out and graduated i started feeling more free. I am able to go out late as i want. No one is saying negative things to me. However when my mom would phone she would nag me down and if i saw my dad he would also throw NEGATIVE energy my way.

Although i was determined to make something of myself. I had a real problem though when i was 19. I realize now that i was no in reality. I had no skills or know how to be able to talk to girls. I also had real confidence issue and thought i was unworthy and unattractive. It did not matter that in highschool a few girls said i looked really good. You are your own worst critic. And when i looked in the mirror i thought i looked bad. I think i had delusion from smoking so much pot.

anyways this was not all so bad. It was survivable. I mean i had plans to quit weed someday and go into business. However something terrible happened to me that has made my life a nightmare.

So mind you when i am 16 my mom is talking to my "step dad" (some drunk asshole who never talked to me) i ask them what they are talking about (curiosity killed the cat) my mom says oh we are talking about vasectomys! im like whats that? she says "oh thats when a guy gets a surgery to not have kids anymore!" i reply " that sounds wierd" she says oh well YOUR dad had one and HE never complained about it.

Fast forward i am staying with my sister at her house because she promised to help me get a job. She ended up just saying i am lazy because i sleep in and play video games and to get my own job and walk into town myself and got me to clean her house and clean up her 2 dogs dog crap in the back yard. Man i should have told her TO FUCK OFF!!!!!! but i was a little bitch back then. My mom had broken me like a farm animal growing up.

Anyways my sister out of no where asks me if i want kids? i say no because obviously my experience as a kid was shit i never got xbox or had fun or got to stay out with friends or even stay over at peoples houses. My sister then says oh well you should get a vasectomy my boyfriend had one. you should get one. I just say " uhhhhh" thinking in my head like wtf but the idea is SOOOOO above my comprehension and ability to understand the SEVERITY of what she just said that i forget about it like 5 minutes later....

damn. So then about 6 months later I am hanging out with a girl who is actually the daughter of my dads girlfriend. Yeah bad idea right? it gets worse. She tells me one night in tears crying her eyes out that a doctor told her she is unable to have kids. I tell her that thats fine its not the end of the world.... days later i tell her i want her to be my girlfriend because she was actually kind of cool she liked to play call of duty.

She just got dumped by her ex bf and that is why i was hanging out with her because she asked me to because she was sad about it. I never have had a girlfriend or had sex. I tell her this and she says that we can have sex in a month from now. So i wait and we hang out a couple times and then finally the day arrives she says we can have sex. Ok i am going to tell the dead ass truth. I go to have sex with this girl she gives me condom i put it on. first time ever putting on condom. Feels wierd. I go inside her. Dude she was so lose from her ex i could barely feel anything.

I tell her this and she kinda laughs. she then says well i cant get pregnant not like you have to use a condom. So i am dumb so i take it off. Try to make this as short as possible.... I am having sex with her no condom and she says to cum in her so i do because agian i am dumb 19 year old. dude immediately she says "wow i cant believe you did that" I SAY WTFF??? what u mean u said u cant get pregnant. She says ohhhhhh actually there is a small chance "WTFFFFFFFFFFF" dude i show up to her house 2 weeks later and look at her arms and she has cut marks all the up and and down her arm. Her whole arm had like 30 cut marks. I am so scared because i have never seen this before. she says she did it because she is depressed. Later tells me she thinks she is pregnant. week later says she is pregnant. I tell her i am not ready at all to raise a kid i can barely take care of myself/ handle my own issues.

I tell her to ask her dad because her dad is rich and she lives with him. Her dad i guess yells are her a bunch to get abortion. I stupidly agree with him and tell her that she should because this was an accident and we should not have had unprotected sex. Although she says that since she is pregnant we dont have to use condoms because she cant get pregnant again. I am dumb so i just continue having sex with her for next 2 months then she goes to get abortion and backs out of it. Tells her dad though lies to him tells him she got it done. Tells me to keep the secret. I phone her 2 weeks later ask her WTF is going on she says that she will only get an abortion if i get a vasectomy.

So month earlier she said that she is actually allergic to birth control and that she looked online about birth control methods and she read about vasectomy. She really manipulated/ seduced me into reading about it. She is like "look at this it is so easy then you can have sex with me when ever you want without a condom." at the time she actually got me to select a clinic i would go to if i hypothetically got it done.

I was not ready to do that and also suspicious but again the SEVERITY of how DIRE of situation i was being exposed to was OVER my comprehension OVER my wildest imagination.

So now after he backing out of an abortion and she is 3 months pregnant. I also quit my 50k a year job week before her attempted abortion because i wanted to make sure she got it and was able to go with her to the city to get it.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STRESSED OUT. i am smoking tons of pot FREAKING OUT. Thinking of suicide I JUST WANT THIS TO END.

So she says last minute " she will only book abortion if i book vasectomy." so i say " OK WHATEVER I WILL THEN. boom i book appointment she books hers. boom i am unlucky as fuck. her abortion and my vasectomy are same day. I go to my consultation for vasectomy. Of course i say i want to go alone but nooooo thats to lucky.... THE GIRL HASSSS TO GO WITH ME. yeah she insists and says over and over she wants to go to vasectomy consultation. we go there sit in office i start reading the papers they give me. RED FLAGS start apperaring. The paper work has a surgeons general warning of depression... suicide... pain in your balls.... hernia..... blood in seamen.... like 90 crazy nightmare HORRIBLE complications and risks from surgery i am like " he "girl" look at this in a concerned voice" she says "ohhh that is just complications MY ABORTION HAS THAT TOO"

so i just you know i felt bad that she was getting abortion to be honest so i guess i just was like welp i guess i have to ignore these risks now. Basically i felt like my child was being held hostage by this girl and i had to get this vasectomy no matter what. Dude this doctor that did vasectomy was telling me for like 15 minutes over and over to not get it not get it and wear condoms however i just lied to him and told him condoms dont work for me and i have to get vasectomy or i might knock this girl up again. i lied to him and told him she already had an abortion i dont want her to get another one. she also lies to him to and tells him she is not pregnant . i was only lying because i just felt forced and i had to in order for her to get abortion. basically i went crazy and delusional mode. mind you i was smoking lots of pot. probably had physicosis.

long story short. i get vasectomy she gets abortion. vasectomy HURT SO BAD IT WAS TORTURE IT WAS TORTURE i dont know how the fuck anyone says it does not hurt or it is good idea. IT WAS MOST PAIN I EVER FELT. and i have gotten 9 stitches in palm of my hand before.

after i get tortured with vasectomy i go to abortion clinic and my girl is drugged from the nurses and preped for abortion and she asks me to go in with her and i witness the abortion of my first born child murdered. saw the abortion and them putting the fetus into a garbage bag and then a medical disposal basket.

scarred me for life. Man after this i was cumming blood for weeks. I was in discomfort for months. the bleeding stopped but the discomfort from vasectomy did not. It has been 5 years and i have discomfort in my balls almost 24/7 365..... it is a nightmare. i cant lift heavy or run fast without my balls retracting tight up to my groin making it painful to move.

man i was LIVID the following years after this. Crying for months crying for years everyday. screaming at the top of my lungs "FUUUUUCK" FUUUUUUUCK" WHY"""" WHY" WHY WHY WHY WHY" i could not believe i did this. I could not believe i was so manipulated into getting neutered like a dog.

man. I have read lots of things. I have learned lots of things. Material possesions do not mean anything. Your body is the most priceless valuable important possession you have. So nike shocks or nice cars don't mean anything to me now.

Water food and shelter. That is all i need. the basics. I have that. My mind is just imagination. Imagination can be unicorns or fairys it is not always reality. So I try to control my mind and use it to help me not make me feel worse.

If i think about all the relationships i cannot have anymore and all the sex i am missing out on because of post vasectomy pain i will get depressed.

if i think about that i am lucky to be able to walk or lucky to be able to read or talk. then i will feel ok.

My life seems like a nightmare however i am fighting through it. I have alot more to say although i need to do some thinking before i write anymore because i think i am not ready to share my thoughts in a direct to the point way. i hate rambling/walls of texts.

anyways that is basically 70% of the story although there are lots of darker details i am leaving out

Hmmm...that is quite the story. Sorry you had to go through that. Doesn't quite explain why you're on a suicide forum if you believe that mental illness can be overcome and shouldn't be a reason for suicide. But after that post, I'm reluctant to ask anymore.

 

[bobjohn420911]

Yours are the musings of someone on the mental level of a child. Your points are invalid and contradictory. This is the real world, not some Japanese battlefield.

Good for you for overcoming your challenges. That doesn't make you superior to anyone on this forum.

yeah totally i am on the mental level of a child..... right....... totally...

my points are invalid and contradictory. right..........

yeah the battlefield is not the real world. totally... absolutely no comparison ..... right......



yeah dude your totally right mental problems are unsolvable and totally worse then having no legs or a broken spine that causes severe pain that you have to take pain killers everyday just to bear through it. your right dude your imagination and thoughts are way worse then physical pain..... right......... your right. *starts smashing head against the wall*

 

[iwanttodie000]

No open casket for you my friend

Nope, that's okay, people don't need to see me one last time after i'm dead, I'd rather they remember a good memory or maybe a picture of me smiling anyways.

 

[melancholy_lily]

For someone making a first time gun purchase with the intent of ctb, what is the best way to purchase without giving that away? I have never owned a gun before and want to sound somewhat knowledgeable about what I'm asking and try and play it cool enough to not raise suspicians. I was planning on going to a local sporting goods store to purchase it and also take a class on handling it since I never have even handled a gun before. II just don't want to do or say anything to fuck this up! Any advice would be helpful.

Decide what caliber/type you want before you go. If you feel you must give reasoning, I'd suggest simply saying you feel like you need a gun for personal safety. If they make a political comment play along, like things are going to shit in your state/country because of politics and you want to protect yourself. Just about any gun owner would be on board with that. There is no reason to be nervous.

I bought a .357 magnum with no gun experience. I had already decided that's the caliber I wanted and studied for the written license test in my state. Walked in and said I want to take the test and buy a handgun. In my state there's a lot of paperwork during the purchase process so the shop workers chatted with me, I played up that this was my first gun and that I wanted something for home protection that would do damage to a threat. They even showed me how to load and shoot with dummy rounds.

Just having the gun makes me feel better, I no longer have the urgency to ctb but still happy to have a reliable ctb method at hand.

 

[iwanttodie000]

Decide what caliber/type you want before you go. If you feel you must give reasoning, I'd suggest simply saying you feel like you need a gun for personal safety. If they make a political comment play along, like things are going to shit in your state/country because of politics and you want to protect yourself. Just about any gun owner would be on board with that. There is no reason to be nervous.

I bought a .357 magnum with no gun experience. I had already decided that's the caliber I wanted and studied for the written license test in my state. Walked in and said I want to take the test and buy a handgun. In my state there's a lot of paperwork during the purchase process so the shop workers chatted with me, I played up that this was my first gun and that I wanted something for home protection that would do damage to a threat. They even showed me how to load and shoot with dummy rounds.

Just having the gun makes me feel better, I no longer have the urgency to ctb but still happy to have a reliable ctb method at hand.

Thank you! A handgun is virtually impossible to get in my state and there is a ton of red tape to get one. Wanted a 45, but thinking of modifying to a shotgun as those are easier to get here. Just worried It's harder to control and I don't want to fuck it up. We'll see..

 

[UnemployedMD]

This heavily depends on what state you live in (assuming you are in the USA). If you live in a majority of the country with the exception of California and the northeast states, you can get one very easily at a gunstore without and permits (just a background check). You can also buy one in most states legally at a gun show through a private sale (no information exchanged not even your name) and no one will suspect what you plan to do with it since it is full of people who are there as hobbyists so it is generally presumed you know a thing or two about what you are buying/handling. Realistically though in most places unless you walk in there looking really depressed or off no one is going to suspect anything.