guilty imma ruin christmas

[...]

going to ruin christmas for my family this year and as much as i know i want this i can't help but feel bad. they don't even get extra grieving days off work because they're off for the holidays anyway. uhhhhhh fuck being human

 

[Darkover]

i'm going to have a decent christmas with my family thankfully ,bought my 10 year nephew a pocketgo handheld console for 50£ plays all the retro console upto ps1

 

[...]

i'm going to have a decent christmas with family thankfully ,bought my 10 year nephew a pocketgo handheld console for 50£ plays all the retro console upto ps1

that's cute.

im too much of a piece of shit to leave behind gifts. don't have the energy or effort

 

[bed]

feel you man, it's a shitty feeling with each passing day getting closer and closer to the holidays.

 

[FuneralCry]

We all have the right to exit this world at a time of our own choosing anyway, there is nothing selfish about suicide, it is our life and our decision. Anyway, I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[cambrai33]

going to ruin christmas for my family this year and as much as i know i want this i can't help but feel bad. they don't even get extra grieving days off work because they're off for the holidays anyway. uhhhhhh fuck being human

Can you not try and make it through Christmas. Does it have to be the 18th?

I know it seems like a massive slog but I can see you care for them and it might make things easier with regards to that feeling of upcoming guilt.

I know others are bullish about ctb being an individuals right etc etc but for me I want to cause the least pain possible as I don't hate anyone but myself

 

[...]

Can you not try and make it through Christmas. Does it have to be the 18th?

I know it seems like a massive slog but I can see you care for them and it might make things easier with regards to that feeling of upcoming guilt.

I know others are bullish about ctb being an individuals right etc etc but for me I want to cause the least pain possible as I don't hate anyone but myself

the thing is that i have a reason to be out of sight from my family then. whilst after that i could be waiting awhile. my preferred method is jumping at BH and it would take an entire day to do. also ive done so much preparation which i would have to do all over again.
there's also the risk that if i try and stick it through the holidays then im going to feel even worse because of all the festivities and im gonna break down and do something rash and therefore probably have a failed attempt and ruin christmas for them anyway.

 

[cambrai33]

the thing is that i have a reason to be out of sight from my family then. whilst after that i could be waiting awhile. my preferred method is jumping at BH and it would take an entire day to do. also ive done so much preparation which i would have to do all over again.

That's a tough gig you face

I have all I need to go with a few methods and in my mind couldn't do this to those that love me over Xmas, I think because it would forever be associated with my ctb, I just don't want that to happen.

Another thing is I'm trying to get help and I'm seeing different people to try and drag my emotional self back into normality so actually I have that time to wait.

If you have to go soon I get that but there will be plenty of other chances