NSFW Guilt over noncon kink

[stainedtips]

I don't know if kink is the correct word but thinking about non-consensual situations gets me going. I know everyone likes their own thing and but I feel like as a man having that fantasy is cause for concern, at least for other people. I think that if the women in my life knew I liked that they would feel unsafe around me , eevn though I like men and it is purely fictional imaginations with fictional characters/relationships from popular media. Obviously rape is abhorrent and I would never do that but I can't get rid of the guilt. I also find general violence or roughness arousing like biting and bleeding which make it worse. Actively seeking out this kind of content in p/rn or fanfiction makes me feel bad and I'm horrified at the thought of somebody IRL finding this out

Edit, I have to add it's not specifically rape. I would say mainly dubious consent. I don't want to get into the specifics for obvious reasons but I just had to say I like the consent in the middle or something

 

[angel31]

I think that as long as you dont hurt anyone its fine… Your fantasies are fantasies and you they are not your fault. Feeling guilt for them therefore doesnt really make sense… And maybe you can even find a partner you can enjoy the fantasies with in kind of a roleplay or something like that. As long as everything is consensual their is no problem with it
I think as long as you know that it is bad to act out on them without consent, everything is fine<3
Edit: just have fun and dont hurt anyone :) at least you know what you are into

 

[SexyIncél]

Many women have that kink. Therefore they depend on a supply of people who enthusiastically share it. You're doing them a favor. Kill the cop in your head — and fuck its corpse

Here's my thoughts on performing this role safely & respectfully

Enjoy the porn & fanfic. Feel free to share it with others when you discover they have similar interests. Like me, hahaha

 

[LostInNowhere]

Perhaps it's easy for me (male, never been harassed or anything) to say it, but I think that as long as it stays in your mind, a fantasy, it's fine. Feeling guilt is probably a healthy sign that you would never do anything like that irl.

 

[FailerQt.]

There are more people thank you might think into that (me included). I don't see anything wrong about it as long as it's well communicated between both parties. My imaginations are also pretty f'd up.

 

[SSamGarrison]

I am a woman and feel similarly. I would like to stop watching porn due to how violent it is, but I am struggling with it. I know it's bad but I also like rape fantasy and watch some of the more extreme BDSM stuff. I would never do anything like that in real life, but I've always had that fantasy.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

It's fine, there's nothing to be ashamed about. Noncon kinks are one of the most common kinks out there, amongst both men and women. So long as you aren't going around SAing people in real life or encouraging others to SA people then there isn't anything to worry about.

 

[inmyhead]

It's definitely much more common than people realise. I have that kink almost as a trauma response to the SA I have experienced.

There's nothing wrong with it, and nothing wrong with you either as long as you don't hurt anyone. CNC exists for a reason. :)

Feel free to DM me if you ever wanna talk about it.

 

[Malaria]

I'm against kinkshaming, so I don't think there's anything wrong. But I understand feeling guilty and ashamed over your kinks, I've been there too.

 

[thinvy]

if it's any consolation, there's nothing inherently wrong with a non-con kink as long as you're opposed to ever actually non-consensually doing anything to another for gratification. And this is coming from someone with actual night terror level PTSD from non-consensual acts of various severities.

I also have a non-con/dub-con fetish, separate from the PTSD. I don't ever intend to act upon it, outside of safe consumption of fiction, and with a healthy mindset of what is normal and okay.

It's actually not terribly uncommon of a fantasy either. That isn't to say that anyone actually wants their fantasy to come to life necessarily. I find ascended astarion from baldurs gate 3 very hot, but he's also terrifying, and id loathe being in a situation like that.

TL;DR you're all good man, it's not necessarily a bad thing

 

[heisenberg]

as other uses have said, i don't think there's anything wrong with non-con. you seem to have a clear mindset of what's wrong and what's right, and there's nothing wrong pursuing kinks as long as all parties are consenting. i've met people IRL and online who have this kink, so it's more common than you think.

 

[TransientEternal]

CNC (consensual non-consent) exists and is proof that people who share your interests can enjoy things without anyone being hurt (non censensually). Don't feel any guilt because of other people. They don't have a right to dictate what you can and can't enjoy. You don't need to tell them.

 

[toro]

as a girl whos into noncon same here lol, its one of those that I'll never rlly be able to live out because I don't want anyone in my life thinking of me differently for it. find a healthy avenue to channel the tension into, fiction exists so we can mess with it, as long as you never attempt to legitimately rape someone you'll be fine :)

 

[Abyssal]

This was something I had to fight as well. Those people who are mad at people for having that kink are not affected by it and are mad to be mad. They probably learned about a rapist or maybe someone they dislike talked about it and they took it personally.

Then there are rape victims themselves who are really hurt by these sorts of things. That makes sense and I won't say they are wrong, their pain is very real. But remember: their pain was created by someone who wished to hurt others. Unless you are the type of person who is actively going to hurt others in this way, you aren't the one they are truly mad at.

 

[halleyscomet]

As a women who has been SA'd, I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. If you feel guilty, it means you most likely will not act upon it, rapists do not tend to feel guilty. As long as you are honest about it, I do not care. As long as you don't watch any non fictional stuff or act upon it in real life, it really doesn't matter. It's a lot more common then people think, and no kink is that bad unless you directly hurt someone else.

 

[LilysAngel]

I don't know if kink is the correct word but thinking about non-consensual situations gets me going. I know everyone likes their own thing and but I feel like as a man having that fantasy is cause for concern, at least for other people. I think that if the women in my life knew I liked that they would feel unsafe around me , eevn though I like men and it is purely fictional imaginations with fictional characters/relationships from popular media. Obviously rape is abhorrent and I would never do that but I can't get rid of the guilt. I also find general violence or roughness arousing like biting and bleeding which make it worse. Actively seeking out this kind of content in p/rn or fanfiction makes me feel bad and I'm horrified at the thought of somebody IRL finding this out

Edit, I have to add it's not specifically rape. I would say mainly dubious consent. I don't want to get into the specifics for obvious reasons but I just had to say I like the consent in the middle or something

I have been into kink for over ten years, very publically active for 5. I do not kink shame anyone and do not have an issue with any form of play, should it be consensual.

Feel free to message me if you'd like to discuss anything about kink more :) I can try to answer (this is the topic I am the most knowledge and experienced in out of everything I've ever done). If I cannot answer a question, I am sure I can point you to various resources.

Even CNC is an everyday discussion for me.

 

[AshersGirl]

As others have mentioned, consensual non-consent is an actual thing, and a kink.

You get off on fantasy. The difference between kink and abuse is pre negotiated informed consent.

The words used in a CNC scene may indicate: stop, no. Struggle can happen. Fighting off can happen. But it's part of the role play that both parties are into. The safety net is the safeword - when the safeword is used, you stop.

Real abuse, assault, rape doesn't have a safeword.

(I say this as someone who has experienced extreme SA, abuse in childhood, but my brain is wired to find CNC both hot and cathartic, but only with someone I trust. In many ways it allows me to take my own power back as even if on the surface in a CNC scene I'm the "victim", I still have the power over the outcome.)