Help Guilt over hurting someone

[Suisushi]

Every morning, when I look in the mirror, I remember how much I hate myself for hurting someone. I've apologized, but I know that what I did can't be fixed with apologies.

I don't know what I'm looking for. I want to know if there's anything I can do to not have to think about myself ever again that doesn't involve CTB. Maybe that's really the only way? Thanks for taking the time to read my post.

 

[jodes2]

It needs time, friend

 

[Life_and_Death]

have you talked to them about what you could do to fix it?

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Every morning, when I look in the mirror, I remember how much I hate myself for hurting someone. I've apologized, but I know that what I did can't be fixed with apologies.

I don't know what I'm looking for. I want to know if there's anything I can do to not have to think about myself ever again that doesn't involve CTB. Maybe that's really the only way? Thanks for taking the time to read my post.

Believe me, you've already done much more than 99% of the people in this world by apologising and admitting your mistake, it takes humility and empathy for that. We're all human and we're all make mistakes. In my opinion, you were the biggest person in this situation and you did what was in your power. I hope you can forgive yourself too.

 

[SarRy]

I know this feeling. It's hell when an apology isn't accepted. It's hell to not know if something will be used against you. It's hell to condemn yourself and be ashamed of what you've done.

I think the only thing that takes it away is time. After so long has passed, you realize that it doesn't matter. Everything is just castles in the sand waiting for the water to wash them away. If they don't have an effect on your life, then their opinions don't matter. Your life is your concern. Take care of yourself. That's what everyone else is doing it seems.

I guess, to realize a wrong shows the ability to do right. If someone can do harm, they can also do good. A person may not be good for everyone, but they can be good for someone. Forgiveness makes sense. I believe people do deserve to be forgiven. Even if all they can do is to apologise, this still deserves forgiveness for the fact that it affirms the line of what is right and what is wrong.

Personally, I wish I could move on. I wish I could take my own advice. My conscience is my hell. Due to many circumstances, I probably won't win my battle. I wish you would. I wish everyone could be happy. I don't hate the world, but I wish people would put more good in it. I wish I would put more good into it.

We are alone. We are all beggars. It is one thing to know the evil of the world. It is another thing to know the evil of oneself.

I had an epiphany once, and no matter what I do, I can never unlearn what I learned that day.

You can do this. Others have and you can too. I wish all the best for you.

I hope you find peace.

 

[Tacohell]

I've done this too. It is hard because I do not see them anymore and sometimes I look back and think if it was the only thing they remember about me. Especially when they were a really positive person on my life.

I have found that framing the moment in a different light helps. There is no undoing what happened but I can find comfort in knowing that I will not do it again.

 

[Pluto]

I suffer a lot with guilt too, and I know it is emotional rather than rational. But I will say that the people who should feel guilt are people who tormented me (and others here) throughout childhood and at best shrug their shoulders when they see the state of ruin that they left me in. Some even take pleasure in causing so much hurt.

A normal person who makes mistakes and is able to feel regret is someone who has integrity and decency. There is nobody who has not made mistakes. The situation itself has to be put to rest, and the recurring thought/judgement/emotion cycle is what needs to be worked on now.

 

[Suisushi]

Thank you all for your very gentle, supportive, and surprisingly poetic responses, even if I don't deserve it. It sounds like recovery will just take time, but I found a lot of insight in hearing your own thoughts and experiences. I'm afraid I may never forgive myself, but maybe I'll come to accept my mistakes and be at peace with learning to be a better person.

have you talked to them about what you could do to fix it?

Thank you for the suggestion, but I'm convinced my presence may make her feel worse, as there's really not much I can do to "atone" besides apologize, which I have, but I know it's not enough.

 

[freedomcalls]

it's human nature to make mistakes

I made a mistake at Easter that put my daughter in a very upsetting situation; I felt like I betrayed her trust 100%
That's experience taught me that it's easy to get caught in the shame and to let that compromise the relationship
There's the potential to hang onto that moment or choice and keep returning it, which then continues to erode the relationship and even worse, to then accidentally make the other person feel somewhat responsible for your state of mind

To move through it maturely, can you reach out and say "I'm genuinely sorry about the mistake I've made and I'd like to know if there's any way I can help repair that damage?" And then come to a place of acceptance about what is said…..
To cut that person out of your life may be appropriate if that's their preference - but to do so so that you don't have to bear your guilt is just punishing THEM for your human error, as well as continuing to use it to harm yourself

 

[whatevs]

I know this feeling. It's hell when an apology isn't accepted. It's hell to not know if something will be used against you. It's hell to condemn yourself and be ashamed of what you've done.

I think the only thing that takes it away is time. After so long has passed, you realize that it doesn't matter. Everything is just castles in the sand waiting for the water to wash them away. If they don't have an effect on your life, then their opinions don't matter. Your life is your concern. Take care of yourself. That's what everyone else is doing it seems.

I guess, to realize a wrong shows the ability to do right. If someone can do harm, they can also do good. A person may not be good for everyone, but they can be good for someone. Forgiveness makes sense. I believe people do deserve to be forgiven. Even if all they can do is to apologise, this still deserves forgiveness for the fact that it affirms the line of what is right and what is wrong.

Personally, I wish I could move on. I wish I could take my own advice. My conscience is my hell. Due to many circumstances, I probably won't win my battle. I wish you would. I wish everyone could be happy. I don't hate the world, but I wish people would put more good in it. I wish I would put more good into it.

We are alone. We are all beggars. It is one thing to know the evil of the world. It is another thing to know the evil of oneself.

I had an epiphany once, and no matter what I do, I can never unlearn what I learned that day.

You can do this. Others have and you can too. I wish all the best for you.

I hope you find peace.

Thank you for this post, it was positive and healing. Shows maturity and good intentions despite the constraints of our egos and biological programming, which let's be honest, are 75% suited to what we call "evil".