luana
hikari
- Feb 13, 2023
- 6
Since I was a small girl I've always had the desire to ctb.
Ive always felt inferior, hopeless, useless and unhappy with myself. Could be the result of years of abuse, seeing my mother, my creator and a god to me at the time suffer under the hands of my father. Ive gotten older and started medicating myself. but after a while I started feeling uncomfortable with myself.
I want to ctb, but I can't help but let the feeling of guilty overtake me. the guilt of leaving my boyfriend and my family behind. the pain that would cause them...I don't want to hurt anyone, but im unhappy with my life. I don't think there's any change that could make me truly happy as I have changed everything in my life. the pain overtakes my life but I choose to live under this illusion that everything is okay when its not. the people that hurt me will never be punished and I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. why should I? but then again, does it really matter?
who cares right?
people only truly care when you're gone.
"I should've done something" or "I wish I said something"
life would be so much easier without the burden of having to worry about how your own actions affect the other people around you.
that way I would not have to feel guilty for hating myself. why should I feel guilty for that.
the burdens of being alive are not worth it in my eyes.
id rather ctb but the guilt keeps me alive.
Ive always felt inferior, hopeless, useless and unhappy with myself. Could be the result of years of abuse, seeing my mother, my creator and a god to me at the time suffer under the hands of my father. Ive gotten older and started medicating myself. but after a while I started feeling uncomfortable with myself.
I want to ctb, but I can't help but let the feeling of guilty overtake me. the guilt of leaving my boyfriend and my family behind. the pain that would cause them...I don't want to hurt anyone, but im unhappy with my life. I don't think there's any change that could make me truly happy as I have changed everything in my life. the pain overtakes my life but I choose to live under this illusion that everything is okay when its not. the people that hurt me will never be punished and I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. why should I? but then again, does it really matter?
who cares right?
people only truly care when you're gone.
"I should've done something" or "I wish I said something"
life would be so much easier without the burden of having to worry about how your own actions affect the other people around you.
that way I would not have to feel guilty for hating myself. why should I feel guilty for that.
the burdens of being alive are not worth it in my eyes.
id rather ctb but the guilt keeps me alive.
