ihateittoo
Member
- Jun 9, 2026
- 13
I have an older brother who is 2 years older(hes 20 turns 21 in august) than me and he struggles with autism. In recent times autism has become a more broad term as more people identify with the label, but in this case I mean a heavier amount than most. He went to a regular high school(a private one, but not one for special needs) and is capable of many things however has found it hard to grow into an independent adult. He will often struggle to take showers regularly, doesn't do his own laundry and things of that nature. I say this just to give you a rough idea on the level of autism he deals with as its important to the story.
My brother used to very heavily beat me for a lot of my childhood. As far back as I can remember he would be incredibly physically violent to me. When I was around 5 he slammed my head into a fridge. Another time he sat on top of me, spat on my face, eyes, and mouth and a list of more. The normal beating mostly just consisted of me curled up on the floor while he would relentlessly punch me, mostly my arms or torso. These would typically happen after some kind of minor argument that normal siblings had. A lot of this was brushed off as "normal brotherly behavior"(I at the time had not transitioned into a woman yet, I started that around the time I turned 17). It stopped about the time covid hit but it is still something I think about and it bothers me.
My brother always took up all of my parents attention, specifically when I growing up, because at the time no one could figure out what was wrong with him when we were growing up. It took a long time to get an autism diagnosis and for all my childhood we were told it was just a bad case of ADHD, or maybe it was bipolar, my grandma thought he was a schizoid. All that to say we didn't know what was wrong because at the time autism was sort of viewed as a "down syndrome lite". He would throw tantrums very frequently, both in private and in public. A LOT of his tantrums came from video games. He used to play geometry dash and when he would die in the game he would slam his desk and yell very loud which was very stressful to hear. He would yell things about how worthless he was and how he should just kill himself, which are things he still does today in some fashion. He would also argue a lot with my parents, mainly when he started high school. He would tell my dad to kill himself while yelling at the top of his lungs in the room right next to me. These loud verbal arguments were pretty common for me and they would always deeply bother me.
One night my brother left his computer on, as he always does(he hasn't turned it off voluntarily in probably 2 years because apparently it takes too long to boot up) during a thunder storm and the power went off and when it went turned back on his computer had blue screened. He absolutely lost his mind(I would be upset too) and was yelling at my mom telling her to fix it. I at the time(i was in about 9th grade at the time) was on a VC with some friends when I got fed up and went to his room and yelled at him that he needs to stop yelling and act his age. I obviously should not have yelled at him and I of course regret it a lot, but he stormed out of the room and I fixed the computer for him(it wasnt a perma blue screen, it was just the one that comes up and restarts your computer i hope someone knows what I mean). My mom was freaking out and telling me that he was trying to CTB and that it was because I had yelled at him and they were thinking they may have to call the police. I don't think my brother has, or will make a serious attempt on his life as im sure a lot of people here know, CTB is HARD and SI is a bitch.
He got accepted into his dream college that had an incredible program for the field he was going into(game design). It was out of state and decently far away from us(requires a short flight to visit). Something that I do not like that my parents did was helping him on almost all of his homework throughout all of high school, specfically my mom. My mom is very much a control freak and her "help" mostly ended up being her doing the work for him and letting him skim through it and trying to roughly explain it to him. He never really did any assigments on his own to my knowledge and never built his own independence, where I was forced to because he took up so much of the attention. So when he got to college he struggled a good bit. He ended up calling my parents for help on his homework and they would stay on the phone for hours while he worked. My brother never made a single friend at college as in his words "humans are inherintly evil and 99% of the population sucks" so me, my mom, and my dad are the only people he ever really talks to. He ended up "taking medical leave for depression" during his second semester(or the end of first) which sent him back home early. He did this because he was spiraling freaking out about grades or something of that nature. He certainly could have passed his semester, or at the very least made the credits up later. He was very far from screwed until he screwed himself. He went back the next year and the same thing happened. It upsets me to see him throw his life away like this. I do not doubt that he is depressed, he is practically a NEET right now which is depressing for anyone. But he certainly overexaggerates it in my eyes. I know depression looks different in everyone, but he doesn't exhibit many symptoms of depression outwardly. When I was at my most depressed ALL I did was lay in bed, I barely ate, I would skip school all the time, I had absolutely no energy at all and could do nothing. I wasnt spending my days playing video games and laughing at youtube while doordashing chick fil a all day every day. I know some people struggle more inwardly, but with the level of depression that he was claiming it would have certainly been at least slighlty more noticeable.
Nowadays we have an alright relationship. I take him out to lunch, or to go to guitar center, pretty much an errand im running ill invite him because I think it's good to get him out of the house. He produces music at home and will record vocals very loudly at like 9:30am which annoys me a lot. This is mainly because he has never learned how to sing and it mostly consists of off pitch sort of yell singing. It is not pleasant to hear in the morning, and even with the heavy autotune I think it still needs a bit of work. He goes on these long winded rants that makes talking as a family hard. I want to have more mature conversations with my parents but all my brother ever really wants to talk about is how much he hates AI(i hate it too but he needs to learn when to quit) or music that he likes. My brother rarely if ever asks how im doing, how my shift was or things like that. But he always has time to tell me he didn't like the new YHWH Nailgun album cause it was too short(hes wrong the album is great).
My brother used to very heavily beat me for a lot of my childhood. As far back as I can remember he would be incredibly physically violent to me. When I was around 5 he slammed my head into a fridge. Another time he sat on top of me, spat on my face, eyes, and mouth and a list of more. The normal beating mostly just consisted of me curled up on the floor while he would relentlessly punch me, mostly my arms or torso. These would typically happen after some kind of minor argument that normal siblings had. A lot of this was brushed off as "normal brotherly behavior"(I at the time had not transitioned into a woman yet, I started that around the time I turned 17). It stopped about the time covid hit but it is still something I think about and it bothers me.
My brother always took up all of my parents attention, specifically when I growing up, because at the time no one could figure out what was wrong with him when we were growing up. It took a long time to get an autism diagnosis and for all my childhood we were told it was just a bad case of ADHD, or maybe it was bipolar, my grandma thought he was a schizoid. All that to say we didn't know what was wrong because at the time autism was sort of viewed as a "down syndrome lite". He would throw tantrums very frequently, both in private and in public. A LOT of his tantrums came from video games. He used to play geometry dash and when he would die in the game he would slam his desk and yell very loud which was very stressful to hear. He would yell things about how worthless he was and how he should just kill himself, which are things he still does today in some fashion. He would also argue a lot with my parents, mainly when he started high school. He would tell my dad to kill himself while yelling at the top of his lungs in the room right next to me. These loud verbal arguments were pretty common for me and they would always deeply bother me.
One night my brother left his computer on, as he always does(he hasn't turned it off voluntarily in probably 2 years because apparently it takes too long to boot up) during a thunder storm and the power went off and when it went turned back on his computer had blue screened. He absolutely lost his mind(I would be upset too) and was yelling at my mom telling her to fix it. I at the time(i was in about 9th grade at the time) was on a VC with some friends when I got fed up and went to his room and yelled at him that he needs to stop yelling and act his age. I obviously should not have yelled at him and I of course regret it a lot, but he stormed out of the room and I fixed the computer for him(it wasnt a perma blue screen, it was just the one that comes up and restarts your computer i hope someone knows what I mean). My mom was freaking out and telling me that he was trying to CTB and that it was because I had yelled at him and they were thinking they may have to call the police. I don't think my brother has, or will make a serious attempt on his life as im sure a lot of people here know, CTB is HARD and SI is a bitch.
He got accepted into his dream college that had an incredible program for the field he was going into(game design). It was out of state and decently far away from us(requires a short flight to visit). Something that I do not like that my parents did was helping him on almost all of his homework throughout all of high school, specfically my mom. My mom is very much a control freak and her "help" mostly ended up being her doing the work for him and letting him skim through it and trying to roughly explain it to him. He never really did any assigments on his own to my knowledge and never built his own independence, where I was forced to because he took up so much of the attention. So when he got to college he struggled a good bit. He ended up calling my parents for help on his homework and they would stay on the phone for hours while he worked. My brother never made a single friend at college as in his words "humans are inherintly evil and 99% of the population sucks" so me, my mom, and my dad are the only people he ever really talks to. He ended up "taking medical leave for depression" during his second semester(or the end of first) which sent him back home early. He did this because he was spiraling freaking out about grades or something of that nature. He certainly could have passed his semester, or at the very least made the credits up later. He was very far from screwed until he screwed himself. He went back the next year and the same thing happened. It upsets me to see him throw his life away like this. I do not doubt that he is depressed, he is practically a NEET right now which is depressing for anyone. But he certainly overexaggerates it in my eyes. I know depression looks different in everyone, but he doesn't exhibit many symptoms of depression outwardly. When I was at my most depressed ALL I did was lay in bed, I barely ate, I would skip school all the time, I had absolutely no energy at all and could do nothing. I wasnt spending my days playing video games and laughing at youtube while doordashing chick fil a all day every day. I know some people struggle more inwardly, but with the level of depression that he was claiming it would have certainly been at least slighlty more noticeable.
Nowadays we have an alright relationship. I take him out to lunch, or to go to guitar center, pretty much an errand im running ill invite him because I think it's good to get him out of the house. He produces music at home and will record vocals very loudly at like 9:30am which annoys me a lot. This is mainly because he has never learned how to sing and it mostly consists of off pitch sort of yell singing. It is not pleasant to hear in the morning, and even with the heavy autotune I think it still needs a bit of work. He goes on these long winded rants that makes talking as a family hard. I want to have more mature conversations with my parents but all my brother ever really wants to talk about is how much he hates AI(i hate it too but he needs to learn when to quit) or music that he likes. My brother rarely if ever asks how im doing, how my shift was or things like that. But he always has time to tell me he didn't like the new YHWH Nailgun album cause it was too short(hes wrong the album is great).
