Growing up Muslim after 9/11 made me suicidal

[Deleted member 23885]

As a result of the horrific legacy of 9/11 and a lack of friends, I developed depression by age 11.
As a consequence of America's ongoing wars on the Middle East and the tragic 'clash of civilizations', I am now suicidal.
However, unless I go to Pakistan & shoot my head off or get US citizenship, I have no surefire way of committing suicide.
There is a lot of unprocessed trauma- even in America- because of 9/11 and the wars in the Middle East.
I've always had a strong idea of the tragic sense of life. That life is ultimately difficult and fleeting. That certain differences are unbridgeable. That death is quiet and kind.
Although, I have made friends now, I almost think it is too late to be saved. As if suicide is my only way out. Nihilism is inviting.
Here's a poem about how I feel

Dawn comes and I am circling the void,
Silence is soft and nurturing,

It fills the emptiness in my soul,
A balm for searching eyes,

Waiting for the cataclysm,
To open up yet unseen vistas,

The distance to eternity,
Traversed in a heartbeat.

 

[Kramer]

Have you read The Rhubaiyat?

 

[Deleted member 23885]

No
I'm just interested in poetry. That's all.

 

[Kramer]

No

It might help by switching your mind to the positive side of nihilism.

 

[Deleted member 23885]

It might help. Emphasis on might. I grew up in the Middle East whilst extremists were terrorizing ordinary people. It doesn't give you must cause for hope. Sorry if i sound rude.

 

[Kramer]

It might help. Emphasis on might. I grew up in the Middle East whilst extremists were terrorizing ordinary people. It doesn't give you must cause for hope. Sorry if i sound rude.

That book (poem) was written by a muslim from long ago

 

[Deleted member 23885]

I know... but there has been so much suffering and tragedy since 9/11. There's a very good book about this called Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

 

[botanormal]

I'm so sorry for all of the suffering you've had to endure. Life can be really cruel sometimes, and you don't deserve any of this pain. Your poem is very beautiful though, thank you for taking the time to share that with us. You're a brilliant writer.

 

[Deleted member 23885]

Oh thank you. Stuff like this makes me wonder how positive thinking can account for things like this:

Saugus High School shooter named as Nathaniel Berhow, 16

Berhow walked into his school and shot four people on his sixteenth birthday, before turning the gun on himself

metro.co.uk

Especially as we will never the true motive & what drove him to do this.
Some of the darkest things in life can never be accounted for.
It doesn't help that most ppl aren't naturally deep thinkers. I think Schopenhauer gets a lot right on the essentially tragic nature of existence.
Even if I don't kill myself, I really don't want to have children...

 

[Sherri]

As a result of the horrific legacy of 9/11 and a lack of friends, I developed depression by age 11.
As a consequence of America's ongoing wars on the Middle East and the tragic 'clash of civilizations', I am now suicidal.
However, unless I go to Pakistan & shoot my head off or get US citizenship, I have no surefire way of committing suicide.
There is a lot of unprocessed trauma- even in America- because of 9/11 and the wars in the Middle East.
I've always had a strong idea of the tragic sense of life. That life is ultimately difficult and fleeting. That certain differences are unbridgeable. That death is quiet and kind.
Although, I have made friends now, I almost think it is too late to be saved. As if suicide is my only way out. Nihilism is inviting.
Here's a poem about how I feel

Dawn comes and I am circling the void,
Silence is soft and nurturing,

It fills the emptiness in my soul,
A balm for searching eyes,

Waiting for the cataclysm,
To open up yet unseen vistas,

The distance to eternity,
Traversed in a heartbeat.

I have the biggest respect for your religion. I'm sorry for my ignorance, but what do the muslim people think of suicide? I don't know much about the religion views on that. If you feel uncomfortable in answering I understand. Shukran mashallah .

 

[Deleted member 23885]

It's considered taboo & you could end up in hell for eternity for committing suicide.
Unfortunately, that didn't stop the perpetrators of 9/11.

 

[Sherri]

It's considered taboo & you could end up in hell for eternity for committing suicide.
Unfortunately, that didn't stop the perpetrators of 9/11.

Yes cause they were radicals, it's different. They believed they had many virgins and heaven waiting for them. you Are a true Muslim and not like them. I'm sorry people mistreated you in the past.

 

[Deleted member 23885]

So, do you think the radicals were true Muslims or not...

 

[Sherri]

So, do you think the radicals were true Muslims or not...

Well I don't like to discuss religion, I do have Muslim friends, and what they told me is that there are different types of Muslims, some more open some more strict and then the ones who got radicalised. But like I said, that's my muslim friends opinion, I'm neutral and don't comment on radical Muslims.

 

[Deleted member 23885]

Okay.

 

[Sherri]

Okay.

Wish you all the best. And hope you able to set yourself free from the trauma.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Have you considered doing something to get yourself killed?

 

[Deleted member 23885]

I have... going to Pakistan & shooting my head off. Or doing it in the US if I get citizenship,

 

[Good4Nothing]

No, I mean like break a law that is punishable by death. Declare yourself an atheist, say you're homosexual... that sort of thing.

 

[Deleted member 23885]

No, I haven't because I am convinced of the Islamic faith. Plus, I wouldn't want to go that way. I'd prefer to take my own life through a bullet to the brain.