Gomomon
New Member
- Feb 24, 2026
- 1
Hi y'all, I just wanted to introduce myself to this thread. It was down for the past few days....I'm assuming from a DDoS attack? I'm unfamiliar with forums in general and what I can or can't say, so feel free to correct me. I did a bit of reading on past threads and stuff, so I think I got the gist of what this website is about, and I would like to receive some advice or help, or really just anyone to talk to that won't immediately ship me to the nearest facility, yk?
The people in my life are nice and caring, but I don't think they really understand how painful it is for me just to be alive day to day, and being medicated or having a therapist/psychiatrist has never really seemed to work for me in the past. The stress of life is basically unbearable. There's nothing that stops me from just dreading being alive and thinking about the relief of being dead.
I recently tried to CTB with some Wellbutrin XL and Liquor around New Year's, which resulted in hospitalization and ended up backfiring. I realize that wasn't the most reliable approach, and I'm honestly too scared to do anything else that might cause immediate pain or require more brains or $$$. I made my own exit bag a year ago, and my dumbass thought I set it up all perfectly, only to realize the release of Helium is capped on the tank and won't push out without pressure, so clearly I don't do enough forethought im kind of impatient. After my hospitalization, I was told this would be an eye-opener, like a "break it or make it" moment — that being inches from death would make me never consider it again, but it really felt like nothing happened. I left the hospital against medical advice after being stuck there for 8 days on a 5250 hold, and now I'm just more stuck than before.
I have no idea if this is inappropriate to say here, so excuse me for venting. I just don't have anywhere else in my life to relay any of this. I basically go weeks without seeing anyone or talking to anybody. At this point, I've been in this dreary state for the majority of my life with no relief in sight.
I would like to try the SN route cause it seems like it'll be the least painful for me, but I'm going to also simultaneously try to make my life livable and go about as normal in the meantime. It would just be nice to have it as a plan B in my possession for an off day. I just can't handle it all anymore. I already know I'm selfish for this, but I'm past the point of caring about anything. My depression, on top of other mental illnesses, is just eating me alive, and I can't stand being alive, perceived, or just anything at all.
When one is going through the process of the SN route, how do you obtain Antiemetics, I heard that's the hardest part. I know it's through perscription but that doesn't seem like a viable option for me...I just got off another primary care doctor who wouldn't listen to me, I also can't lie for the life of me. Does anyone have anytips for starting the process? I am 13Olbs an am in the U.S.
The people in my life are nice and caring, but I don't think they really understand how painful it is for me just to be alive day to day, and being medicated or having a therapist/psychiatrist has never really seemed to work for me in the past. The stress of life is basically unbearable. There's nothing that stops me from just dreading being alive and thinking about the relief of being dead.
I recently tried to CTB with some Wellbutrin XL and Liquor around New Year's, which resulted in hospitalization and ended up backfiring. I realize that wasn't the most reliable approach, and I'm honestly too scared to do anything else that might cause immediate pain or require more brains or $$$. I made my own exit bag a year ago, and my dumbass thought I set it up all perfectly, only to realize the release of Helium is capped on the tank and won't push out without pressure, so clearly I don't do enough forethought im kind of impatient. After my hospitalization, I was told this would be an eye-opener, like a "break it or make it" moment — that being inches from death would make me never consider it again, but it really felt like nothing happened. I left the hospital against medical advice after being stuck there for 8 days on a 5250 hold, and now I'm just more stuck than before.
I have no idea if this is inappropriate to say here, so excuse me for venting. I just don't have anywhere else in my life to relay any of this. I basically go weeks without seeing anyone or talking to anybody. At this point, I've been in this dreary state for the majority of my life with no relief in sight.
I would like to try the SN route cause it seems like it'll be the least painful for me, but I'm going to also simultaneously try to make my life livable and go about as normal in the meantime. It would just be nice to have it as a plan B in my possession for an off day. I just can't handle it all anymore. I already know I'm selfish for this, but I'm past the point of caring about anything. My depression, on top of other mental illnesses, is just eating me alive, and I can't stand being alive, perceived, or just anything at all.
When one is going through the process of the SN route, how do you obtain Antiemetics, I heard that's the hardest part. I know it's through perscription but that doesn't seem like a viable option for me...I just got off another primary care doctor who wouldn't listen to me, I also can't lie for the life of me. Does anyone have anytips for starting the process? I am 13Olbs an am in the U.S.
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