mob
Student
- Jul 19, 2023
- 132
In the past year, I haven't felt genuinely rested at all. I haven't really felt happy, either.
I hate my job. I hate this stupid town I live in, where I have to hide who I am and be extra careful to not even show something as small as my septum piercing so people don't talk about me, or run to my mother to tell her they saw me outside. She's very religious and doing anything in her power to find out where I live although I moved out years ago. My father is going blind, and having surgery soon. He drinks daily. My mother is in a constant anxious and stressed state. I blame myself. I feel guilty — it's literally eating me alive.
I get five hours of sleep a day, I get up at 5 am to walk to the train station, and then I take the bus to my workplace. Today I had to pay a fine of 105 bucks because I accidentally bought the wrong bus ticket. I'm pretty much broke. The worst thing was the staring from the people, and the snickering of some of them. They were laughing at me, at least internally.
I hate the daily arguments I have with my partner just because I asked for space. I can't move out, I don't have the money and we have two cats that I'd lose if I left. Also, I can't be alone because my paranoia gets really bad when I'm left alone.
I'm just extremely exhausted and stressed — I get really painful headaches multiple times a day for hours straight, my chest hurts daily and I'm constantly stressed out. Living is doing me no good at all. Makes me wonder why I'm still here.
I'm turning twenty in two weeks, and have been depressed and thinking about ctb for almost eight years now, but I don't have the balls to end it just yet.
I'm going to the psychiatrist next week to ask him to up my dose so I don't feel hunger anymore, that's the only good my antidepressants do. Therapy doesn't, never has and never will help me. I'm just straight up tired, sorry for the long vent. I don't know where else to put this.
I hate my job. I hate this stupid town I live in, where I have to hide who I am and be extra careful to not even show something as small as my septum piercing so people don't talk about me, or run to my mother to tell her they saw me outside. She's very religious and doing anything in her power to find out where I live although I moved out years ago. My father is going blind, and having surgery soon. He drinks daily. My mother is in a constant anxious and stressed state. I blame myself. I feel guilty — it's literally eating me alive.
I get five hours of sleep a day, I get up at 5 am to walk to the train station, and then I take the bus to my workplace. Today I had to pay a fine of 105 bucks because I accidentally bought the wrong bus ticket. I'm pretty much broke. The worst thing was the staring from the people, and the snickering of some of them. They were laughing at me, at least internally.
I hate the daily arguments I have with my partner just because I asked for space. I can't move out, I don't have the money and we have two cats that I'd lose if I left. Also, I can't be alone because my paranoia gets really bad when I'm left alone.
I'm just extremely exhausted and stressed — I get really painful headaches multiple times a day for hours straight, my chest hurts daily and I'm constantly stressed out. Living is doing me no good at all. Makes me wonder why I'm still here.
I'm turning twenty in two weeks, and have been depressed and thinking about ctb for almost eight years now, but I don't have the balls to end it just yet.
I'm going to the psychiatrist next week to ask him to up my dose so I don't feel hunger anymore, that's the only good my antidepressants do. Therapy doesn't, never has and never will help me. I'm just straight up tired, sorry for the long vent. I don't know where else to put this.
