it's so frustrating. my life has never looked so hopeful. i unexpectedly got into my top, first choice school for my major. it's a great program and super affordable. i have a really good job w great income. life has honestly never looked so good.
and yet…
i STILL want to die. it just won't go away and i can't beat it. i can't stop it. it's going to win and i can't help it or stop it.
i wish i could just be normal and not an ungrateful unhappy little brat.
and also i wish my sn would stop getting delayed at customs…a bitch gotta die somehow !!
the way you seem to feel is how so many of us here do
i certainly have for many decades now
if you absolutely, positively have to die, then you must do it, but if you can just hang on, and get through the difficult years of one's life, then you might be glad you did
you are are too young to really know what you want in the future. i tried 6 times before i was 21 and am still here almost 40 years later
you have so much going for you. you have got into your top choice of school, have a good job, have friends you love
i can tell you from personal experience that the desire to die will probably stay with you for the most part, but i am still here after more than 5 decades of wanting to die
having the desire to die can help you more than you might realise. your mind tells you that if something goes wrong, then you can just commit suicide. it can actually make you feel better when faced with life's challenges. it gives you a get out clause that you do not have to act upon, unless absolutely necessary
if you can survive until your late 20's, you will probably understand why i am posting this. by then your emotions etc. will not be a intense as they are now. going from a child to an adult is a very hard time in a person's life. it has the potential to be the most fun time, but for many of us on here, it is filled with darker thoughts than the average person has to put up with
those darker thoughts can almost be a blessing if you use them to your advantage either to live your life to the fullest or to seek potential ever lasting peace - i hope you can make the right decision for yourself, but even if you live to be 100 years old, you will still have all eternity to be dead once your life is over. there is no point trying to rush it. death will come soon enough no matter what, but life is fleeting, and it would be a shame to not get as much out of it as you possibly can, up until the day it is over
