bijou
meow meow meow
- Jan 23, 2023
- 173
yesterday morning i had a plan to CTB, but a college i had applied for sent me an automated text message that i had gotten into their vet assisting program.
this has been my gap year since exiting art school and deciding i don't want to waste 7-8 years on a useless bfa. i still love art and writing, but i want to do it on my own terms, not at the whims of my professors, or restricted to the environment my peers had created. i love cat ethology, husbandry etc. (it's all i make art about) so i thought i could go into the vet field, or work in an animal shelter. my dad's coworker has a friend who works at the humane society, and got me in to do a shadow day with her late last year. quite frankly, it was the best day of my life, so i applied to every vet assisting program i could.
since then, i've gotten into all 5 of my VA programs (3 of which are competitive), and when the first offers rolled in i was excited. i felt like i had some kind of purpose in life now, but slowly as more came in all i felt was dread. since i'm posting this here it should be pretty obvious i have been incredibly suicidal this whole time. i was ready to go, but the admission stopped me. this was the one i was waiting for, but even if it stopped me from CTB i still feel so vapid and empty.
how can i get excited about this again? i think that's what's made me the most upset, i'm not even excited anymore, but i want so badly to be! i could use some encouragement i guess...
this has been my gap year since exiting art school and deciding i don't want to waste 7-8 years on a useless bfa. i still love art and writing, but i want to do it on my own terms, not at the whims of my professors, or restricted to the environment my peers had created. i love cat ethology, husbandry etc. (it's all i make art about) so i thought i could go into the vet field, or work in an animal shelter. my dad's coworker has a friend who works at the humane society, and got me in to do a shadow day with her late last year. quite frankly, it was the best day of my life, so i applied to every vet assisting program i could.
since then, i've gotten into all 5 of my VA programs (3 of which are competitive), and when the first offers rolled in i was excited. i felt like i had some kind of purpose in life now, but slowly as more came in all i felt was dread. since i'm posting this here it should be pretty obvious i have been incredibly suicidal this whole time. i was ready to go, but the admission stopped me. this was the one i was waiting for, but even if it stopped me from CTB i still feel so vapid and empty.
how can i get excited about this again? i think that's what's made me the most upset, i'm not even excited anymore, but i want so badly to be! i could use some encouragement i guess...