I'd like to go with route of reasoning, starting with asking you how did you manage to figure out I don't want die, but I don't think you would be interested, judging from your responses so far, so pardon me if I will happen to inadvertently ignore key parts of your messages, or to deform their meaning to nonsense.
I probably wont though, but just to be sure. I don't want to sound like a complete asshole without prior informing.
I'm not deriving any joy from seeing people getting chopped to pieces, rotting alive or whatnot. But it feels reassuring that such things aren't fueling my nightmares, and certainly aren't killing my appetite. And it brings me solace, believing that one more soul is liberated from worldly burdens. I don't think death is about feeling better, more like not feeling, better or worse. I believe it would be better not to feel, judging from personal experience, again. Nonetheless i think you're right about not giving a damn about anyone, aside from a bit of sympathy to those who are facing or have faced similar shit that I had to. I'd like to thank you for bringing out these topics for discussion (if that's the appropriate word here) in the first place, that really means a lot to me.