Remember that there's no shame in changing your mind. If you decide to go through with this, all I can say is that I'm sorry I never got to know you. I assume you have one of the most serious mental illnesses as you seem to be dead set on leaving. I'm in the same situation and I understand that you're in pain which is difficult to bear. I hope I'll get a chance to get to know you better, either here or beyond. Take care.