Stabbed
Sitting on a bench outside, maybe the world is beautiful I am thinking. "What about the time your mother collapsed on the floor and said she never wanted children, she did that often?" I get stabbed but I fix my posture. Doesn't define me. "Okay but remember when you got assaulted by another kid when you were 5 and you had horrible nightmares". Nah, let's not worry. "12 years of therapy bro, you still feel the same." Pfft, it will get better, I think, starting to feel some scratches. "What about your weird jaw then". It's not weird I think. "yea it is or you wouldn't have been treated like that!". There is surgery shut up, I think. "Oh you can not afford that and then what about the other stuff you hate about your body?" Surgery? I ask with low confidence as I feel it cutting me. "Remember when you were desperately hopeless, you went to get drunk with someone, disappeared for the night, they called the police and your best friend said you just wanted attention?" He didn't know better I think as I get stabbed. "when your first girlfriend told you she was raped, remember that?" Stabbed. "Let's say you suffer for a couple more years and you make it through and you get surgeries, you'll be old, having missed out on everything, just a hole in your heart." I get stabbed. "your foster mother dying remember?" I get stabbed. "Your dad is terribly depressed yep." Stabbed. "lowkey are you sure you didn't get abused more, think about that!" Stabbed. I push the feeling down. "4 months of psych ward, didn't help at all!" Stabbed. "Someone in there was mean to you, you know why don't you?". Stabbed. Look at you. Look at you. "You have no right to even feel sorry like that, no one gives a fuck, so many people died before you you are not special." Stabbed. SHUT UP! I think. "Look at you, they will feel so sad when you are gone. Probably kill themselves. Look at you!" I go to the mirror to make sure it's not as bad.
And get stabbed again.
good travel
