Goodbye thread 3/3 ( Kno2/PN )

[Nervous young man]

Previous threads:

PN arrives tomorrow.

Hello SaSu tomorrow my PN will arrive in the mail. I still need to order test strips in order to determine the nitrite levels in it but I'm confident. My current plan looks something likes this I'm looking for corrections to this information. Sex: M Weight: 156 Height: 5'11 30 Miligrams of...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Potassium Nitrite (kno2), goodbye thread. The road to ctb. 2/3

This is a continuation of a previous help thread I posted. Please read the previous thread for feedback and responses any help is appreciated. This thread will exist as a second installment in a three thread series where I will document my ctb attempt and hopefully success. In the final thread I...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Method
Fasting 8 hours beforehand
Fasting no water beforehand for 2 hours
50 Miligrams diphenhydramine taken 60 minutes before PN dose
1000 Miligrams of Ibuproufen taken 60 minutes before PN dose
31 grams of Potassium Nitrite dissolved into three cups containing 50 mililiters of water and ingestion of one
If vomiting occurs within the next 30 minutes drink another glass per incident
30-40 minutes after initial ingestion death should occur

Sex: M
Weight: 156 lbs
Height: 5'11

Hello SaSu this will be my last thread, I would like the moderation team to delete my account in a week time unless it comes to light that I failed. My suicide note will also be posted here later for anyone who cares. As I write this post I am currently fasting and once I hit the 8 hour point I will continue with my plan. I intend to update this thread as I am consuming and feeling the effects of the Potassium Nitrite live to help better understand the effects of it if possible or until I am rendered unconscious. There is also a huge risk of hospitalization but that risk will not decrease any time soon so I have to take it. If everything goes according to plan I should be able to pass on peacefully and quickly. I apologize to everyone that this will hurt but we all make decisions in life, you made yours and I made mine. I would like to thank the users of SaSu for their support and community during this time, it has meant everything to me that during the worst part and end to my life I could find any sort of respite/support. Thank you everyone.

SI is a huge bitch, a big part of me is afraid that I will pussy out or take the PN and hospitalize myself. To counter-act this I've just been thinking about how terrible my life is to hype myself into the right mood for this sort of thing. Does anyone have any tips for SI? Unfortunately I don't have benzos and I heard that drinking is a no no.

 

[APeacefulPlace]

Watching... we're here for you, thanks for documenting and contributing thus far. Whatever you decide, wishing you the best and hope you find everything you're looking for OP.

( PS. Perhaps reading this thread if you haven't already, will be of solace and use. )

 

[Languish]

I am sorry it has come to this for you. May you find the peace you seek.

 

[roommate]

SI means suicidal ideation right?
I've been suffering with it for years now, it feels there is no way around it and always present.

I wish you all the luck in the world with what decision you take and may you have peace on your journey. :)

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck! I hope you find peace!

 

[Nervous young man]

SI means suicidal ideation right?
I've been suffering with it for years now, it feels there is no way around it and always present.

I wish you all the luck in the world with what decision you take and may you have peace on your journey. :)

I used it to mean survival instinct actually aha.

 

[SVEN]

Every good wish for finding peace, whatever your final decision.
The only suggestion I could offer re SI, is to just imagine waking up tomorrow to face the life and the world which drove you to this today, knowing that you could have been gone.
This is not to try to sway your decision in any way, I'd just as happily encourage you to think again if you were or are uncertain.
Go well and be kind to yourself, you are in our thoughts.
Sven.

 

[roommate]

I used it to mean survival instinct actually aha.

Never thought of that lol, makes sense now lol.

 

[cme-dme]

Last time we spoke you told me you didn't have a date in mind for CTB and that you had some loose ends that needed tying with loved ones...what changed if you don't mind me asking?

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

Thinking of you, Young Man. Thanks for sharing your journey with us, wishing you peace and sending love to be with you, whichever way this road leads you.

 

[Nervous young man]

Last time we spoke you told me you didn't have a date in mind for CTB and that you had some loose ends that needed tying with loved ones...what changed if you don't mind me asking?

I got it all tied up nicely I think and finally settled on a date. At some point in my life I just had to accept that I was always going to be a burden at least this way the pain ends abruptly instead of being dragged out when the result is always the same. In some kind of weird fucked up way its kind of altruistic.

Thinking of you, Young Man. Thanks for sharing your journey with us, wishing you peace and sending love to be with you, whichever way this road leads you.

Thank you all for lending your ears... or I guess your eyes lol.

 

[NitrogenAfternoon]

SI means suicidal ideation right?
I've been suffering with it for years now, it feels there is no way around it and always present.

I wish you all the luck in the world with what decision you take and may you have peace on your journey. :)

I thought it did initially too but no, it stands for survival instinct. But honestly, for a goodbye thread, this is not the place or time to clarify what terms mean. There are several threads dedicated to this. This should be all about the OP right now.

To the OP. I want to give you all my best. Just know that you aren't alone in any of this. We are here for you no matter what you decide on.

I don't want people to think just because they post a goodbye thread that they feel there's no going back. I also feel guilty trying to help someone overcome their SI. I know this forum isn't exactly meant for my sort of logic, but at the same time I know this forum is going to be the support and help I need when it comes down to it.

So just know we are here for you every step of the way. If you decide to ctb, we will be here to help you through that experience. If you decide to back out, we are here to help you recover.

We are not going anywhere and you are not alone.

 

[Nervous young man]

I thought it did initially too but no, it stands for survival instinct. But honestly, for a goodbye thread, this is not the place or time to clarify what terms mean. There are several threads dedicated to this. This should be all about the OP right now.

To the OP. I want to give you all my best. Just know that you aren't alone in any of this. We are here for you no matter what you decide on.

I don't want people to think just because they post a goodbye thread that they feel there's no going back. I also feel guilty trying to help someone overcome their SI. I know this forum isn't exactly meant for my sort of logic, but at the same time I know this forum is going to be the support and help I need when it comes down to it.

So just know we are here for you every step of the way. If you decide to ctb, we will be here to help you through that experience. If you decide to back out, we are here to help you recover.

We are not going anywhere and you are not alone.

Thank you all for the kind words.

In the event that I fail of my own volition I will try recovery again simply for a lack of options but I have to try and ctb again just to know if I can even do it. I know recovery doesn't work and I know it won't alleviate the massive burden that I place on the shoulders of everyone that knows me and honestly myself. Until I know I can't find peace this way it's going to be with me forever, I'll never be able to stop thinking about it I'll never be able to walk away from the thought in the back of my mind that I can escape this at any time. Once I know I'm stuck for good I'll try other things for sure but the suffering I cause and the pain I cause and the shit I spread in the world, I have to know I can stop that now. I have to know if this really is another way for me. If I live eh I live and if I die well I die. It doesn't really matter.

 

[Higurashi415]

Hey, I remember you. Safe travels my friend, whatever your choice ;)

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the peace you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[Nervous young man]

Hey, I remember you. Safe travels my friend, whatever your choice ;)

I'm nobody in particular :)

 

[NitrogenAfternoon]

Thank you all for the kind words.

In the event that I fail of my own volition I will try recovery again simply for a lack of options but I have to try and ctb again just to know if I can even do it. I know recovery doesn't work and I know it won't alleviate the massive burden that I place on the shoulders of everyone that knows me and honestly myself. Until I know I can't find peace this way it's going to be with me forever, I'll never be able to stop thinking about it I'll never be able to walk away from the thought in the back of my mind that I can escape this at any time. Once I know I'm stuck for good I'll try other things for sure but the suffering I cause and the pain I cause and the shit I spread in the world, I have to know I can stop that now. I have to know if this really is another way for me. If I live eh I live and if I die well I die. It doesn't really matter.

I relate with this so much. I totally understand. You also helped put my thoughts into words so well. It seems like you are already getting over your own SI through your determination and courage. This is my approach and mindset too. I hope we both find our peace, I'll see you on the other side.

 

[Gangrel]

i love your pfp, sending hugs

 

[human909]

I wish you good luck and I hope you find the peace you've been looking for.

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

Saw you reply to my poll earlier - I really hope you're able to find peace however that may come.

 

[Nervous young man]

Hello everyone, in an hour I will start ingesting. I just finished taking my pill cocktail and poured my three glasses of Potassium Nitrite. It looks yellow and started fizzling when I poured it. I also found out while I was getting a scale that one of my family members was in the hospital. I hate to hit them with the double whammy but damn. Anyway, I will update you all again in an hour and hopefully with some pictures.

 

[roommate]

Hello everyone, in an hour I will start ingesting. I just finished taking my pill cocktail and poured my three glasses of Potassium Nitrite. It looks yellow and started fizzling when I poured it. I also found out while I was getting a scale that one of my family members was in the hospital. I hate to hit them with the double whammy but damn. Anyway, I will update you all again in an hour and hopefully with some pictures.

Thanks for the update, best of luck man, we're here for you

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Hello everyone, in an hour I will start ingesting. I just finished taking my pill cocktail and poured my three glasses of Potassium Nitrite. It looks yellow and started fizzling when I poured it. I also found out while I was getting a scale that one of my family members was in the hospital. I hate to hit them with the double whammy but damn. Anyway, I will update you all again in an hour and hopefully with some pictures.

I hope you're doing okay and that things go according to what you want. I wish you a lot of peace

 

[reverieheart]

I wish you an infinite amount of peace, OP. I know this experience can feel... a bit surreal. I'm here for you. Hugs!

Reverie

 

[cme-dme]

Hope you can find peace. I'm sorry life has put you in this situation.

 

[NoHalfMeasures]

Sincerely hoping everything goes smoothly for you and hopefully the SI won't be too hard to beat. Wishing you the very best.

 

[foreverstardust]

I hope you can find the peace you deserve, if this is goodbye then I wish you all the love.

 

[The_Hunter]

I am sorry to hear you are feeling pain.

Know that if you ever wish to not drink it, you have the complete choice not to--you don't have to do anything, I just want to note this, at the very least.

By the way, yes; your profile pic is sweet indeed. I was wondering where it's from.

Feel free to tell us your reasons as well, if you wish to.

But if you do end up dying, I wish you all the peace and love that it is possible for a human being to feel.

Best of wishes,
Hunter

 

[unscrewedmoon999]

I hope things are as painless and quick as possible, and that you'll be at peace.

 

[DarkestSoul]

May you find peace that you have been seeking all pf your life.