Goodbye everyone!

[lacrimosa]

Decided to go back on my anti-psychotics. Am extremely tired again. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. I need to take them to function but I don't have the energy to do anything meaningful.

I know the end is coming and I won't be able to force myself to continue for much longer.

I know it's okay. That my family will understand that I was suffering immensely. I lived, loved, experienced travel and the world. I've seen and done enough to be satisfied with my life. Checked all of the boxes if you will. I tried my best to live a moral life and hopefully I contributed more good than evil to this world. But the batteries are drained and the lows are too low to want to put up with this.

Thanks to everyone on here for being there but I'm going to go dark for a while and contemplate my final decisions. I don't know if and when I will CTB but just know that if I do, I will be at peace.

Last night I had a dream that I jumped from an overpass and fell 15 stories to the ground. I went though the ground and was surrounded by a peaceful blackness, floating. Then I awoke and had the same dream.

I am not afraid of what will come next for me, whatever that may be.

I'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes:

"Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders." - Nietzsche

 

[enduringwinter]

I sincerely hope things work out for you.

 

[rebelnow111]

Decided to go back on my anti-psychotics. Am extremely tired again. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. I need to take them to function but I don't have the energy to do anything meaningful.

I know the end is coming and I won't be able to force myself to continue for much longer.

I know it's okay. That my family will understand that I was suffering immensely. I lived, loved, experienced travel and the world. I've seen and done enough to be satisfied with my life. Checked all of the boxes if you will. I tried my best to live a moral life and hopefully I contributed more good than evil to this world. But the batteries are drained and the lows are too low to want to put up with this.

Thanks to everyone on here for being there but I'm going to go dark for a while and contemplate my final decisions. I don't know if and when I will CTB but just know that if I do, I will be at peace.

Last night I had a dream that I jumped from an overpass and fell 15 stories to the ground. I went though the ground and was surrounded by a peaceful blackness, floating. Then I awoke and had the same dream.

I am not afraid of what will come next for me, whatever that may be.

I'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes:

"Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders." - Nietzsche

hope u feel better

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I hope things work out and you find peace, whatever you choose to do

 

[Nikitatos]

Good luck. Right behind you.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Good luck. Hope everything works out for you.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

Damn I'm sorry things have been so hard for you. The medication sucks but at the same time you could be well again once you're back on the meds for a while and stable. Maybe you'll get to the point you don't even need to take them? I have a family member that has recently come out of an 18 month psychosis and he's completely normal again now. I don't think he even needs to take the meds for the time being.

But I know you've probably thought about all this already (you sound very calm and rational) and obviously I have no idea what you're going through, it is a terrible disease (am assuming schizophrenia?) and I'm so sorry for your suffering. I hope whatever happens you find peace

 

[fleetingnight]

Goodbye, and good luck. I'm sorry you've been suffering so much

 

[Cress]

Best of luck to you. As a fellow human you deserve compassion I hope you're able to find peace.

If you change your mind and ever need someone to talk to my DM's are open. Goodbye buddy

 

[agony1996]

Decided to go back on my anti-psychotics. Am extremely tired again. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. I need to take them to function but I don't have the energy to do anything meaningful.

I know the end is coming and I won't be able to force myself to continue for much longer.

I know it's okay. That my family will understand that I was suffering immensely. I lived, loved, experienced travel and the world. I've seen and done enough to be satisfied with my life. Checked all of the boxes if you will. I tried my best to live a moral life and hopefully I contributed more good than evil to this world. But the batteries are drained and the lows are too low to want to put up with this.

Thanks to everyone on here for being there but I'm going to go dark for a while and contemplate my final decisions. I don't know if and when I will CTB but just know that if I do, I will be at peace.

Last night I had a dream that I jumped from an overpass and fell 15 stories to the ground. I went though the ground and was surrounded by a peaceful blackness, floating. Then I awoke and had the same dream.

I am not afraid of what will come next for me, whatever that may be.

I'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes:

"Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders." - Nietzsche

I didn't get the chance to meet you but
I wish you well, may you get the peace you're searching for

 

[rozeske]

Goodbye and good luck. I wish you the best.

 

[J&L383]

Last night I had a dream that I jumped from an overpass and fell 15 stories to the ground. I went though the ground and was surrounded by a peaceful blackness, floating. Then I awoke and had the same dream

I had a dream a where I was flying to Switzerland for a VAD. It has given me a sense of calm. I hope you find your peace.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck! I hope things work out for you and your wishes become true! I wish you all the best!

 

[ADBoy777]

Farewell

 

[lacrimosa]

UPDATE***

I had a calm and rational discussion with someone near and dear to my heart.

They said it's okay if I want to go and they won't hold it against me or be sad because they know I will be at peace.

I am applying for MAID. I have type 2 diabetes and if I stop taking my diabetes medication, my kidneys will likely shit the bed. I know it's painful but I don't mind pain and have a very high pain tolerance. Then I can go out with dignity.

I am feeling so at peace right now having suffered from schizoaffective disorder and ADHD since the age of 15.

To give you a rundown of my life.

I stay home 24/7 if I can, afraid to leave the house. I feel people are watching me and talking about me when I leave my home, even when heavily medicated. When I return home, I believe people have been in my house and are playing mind games by moving things around, stealing things, etcetera.

So, my peace of mind is totally shot.

These delusions persist.

Previously to this, I believed I was the Anti-Christ and it was my mission to destroy the world or bring about armageddon. I also thought I could hurt people with my mind.

The guilt and shame from these delusions have persisted to this day.

Once again, my peace of mind is totally shot.

I have had good days sprinkled in and I will cherish those days always. I will always remember bird watching in the quietness of nature, appreciating the splendorous beauty of the majestic forests and open-air aviaries I've had the pleasure of visiting.

If I were to go to heaven, it would be a giant rain forest with every colourful, majestic bird and animal you can imagine. I would sit there, watching them and feed them from my hand. This is my heaven and this is the place I'm hoping to go once I cross over.

I know you can appreciate where I am coming from. And, for those whom are still holding on. Hold on with all you can if you can, try to see the world, or move to another town or city. The possibilities are endless for you if you have faith.

I have lost faith in life and hope for my future but it might be okay for you and if this message can offer you hope, please hold on.

I will lurk here until the time comes and keep you posted.

Thanks for all the love and support.

And please, don't think of me as a hypocrite for saying I would go dark for a while and coming back so soon.

This place is my only way of interacting with people whom understand where I am coming from. It's like a second home, a waiting room where everyone is so friendly and welcoming and relatable. A rare place indeed!

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Sending so much love to you, here to talk if you want to before you go <3