Good and bad of having support.

[KiraLittleOwl]

I was heavily suicidal during autumn and winter, I was trying to kill myself on multiple occasions. In March a friend of mine (I didn't consider her a friend back then but I surely do now) have taken me to her place after another attempt at drinking SN.. (didn't go through it due to SI)
She took me in to live with her family, she has a big one. Her family are not the most woke people but they treated me kindly and respected my gender identity.
I feel that I am accepted that I am not alone and even feel loved by my friend, I got better somewhat but not good enough not to have daily suicidal thoughts, I still have them and still want this to end because I don't see myself happy in the future.

I am very conflicted because more I am living with them I am feeling more guilty about my suicidal thoughts and that I can't reach stability.
I feel trapped because I don't want to hurt people who were so kind to me.
It's good to have people who care but it's also bad because you feel obligated to live even if you don't want to suffer anymore.

 

[ilovenightmares]

I think you should stop worrying and just give it a try for a while, might surprise yourself.

 

[so tired or manic]

ask them if they don't want you around. at the very least you'd confirm your anxiety, but I bet it'll do the opposite.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Yes, it's odd. I can see how you might feel the need to live for others kindness. Maybe that's not a bad thing?
I was the opposite. Being abandoned gave me the strength to press on, at least as far as I am now.
I guess it depends how much you want or need to rely on others.