i'm an incoming freshman in college and the fact that i'm leaving my old life and family behind is really killing me for some reason and i feel so existentially sad. i've cried like every day for hours on end for almost a week. it's starting to make me go back to my old mentally ill habits. rationally, i know other people feel like i do and that most kids end up settling in and having a lot of fun once they get past the first couple weeks. but idk i feel like im going to get stressed out and crash out and im scared im going to either get like addicted to drugs or kill myself or smth. i just want more time to be a kid and for things to be normal. it makes me so sad that it will never be the same after i leave. should i defer admissions?? transfer to an in state school? i'm so sad i just want time to stop should i kill myself??
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Will you be living a long way from home? Can you make arrangements to visit family or friends weekends? Book holidays together? Maybe knowing that you will be seeing people you care about regularly may make it a little easier. Are you in contact with them regularly and, do they know you're struggling?
It is frightening at the beginning though. I actually couldn't wait to leave home- away from a (likely) narcissist. But, even then, I was so scared initially. It did turn out ok in the end- better than ok. I made very good friends.
That's not to say it automatically will for you but, hopefully it will. At the moment, it's impossible to know. Sadly, it's just a case of trying to endure it as best you can. It can take a while.
If things get so bad that you are considering drugs etc. though- then, it probably is time to have a think about whether this is what you really want and your alternatives.
Really though- to anyone who actually asks: 'Should I kill myself?' on here- my knee jerk reaction tends to be 'no'. If you're needing to ask other people, it's not something you're sure about. I feel like suicide 100% needs to be a personal decision and someone ought to be as sure as they can be that it's their prefered option.
It is frightening at the beginning though. I actually couldn't wait to leave home- away from a (likely) narcissist. But, even then, I was so scared initially. It did turn out ok in the end- better than ok. I made very good friends.
That's not to say it automatically will for you but, hopefully it will. At the moment, it's impossible to know. Sadly, it's just a case of trying to endure it as best you can. It can take a while.
If things get so bad that you are considering drugs etc. though- then, it probably is time to have a think about whether this is what you really want and your alternatives.
Really though- to anyone who actually asks: 'Should I kill myself?' on here- my knee jerk reaction tends to be 'no'. If you're needing to ask other people, it's not something you're sure about. I feel like suicide 100% needs to be a personal decision and someone ought to be as sure as they can be that it's their prefered option.
awaitinglove
lost in my head
- Apr 30, 2023
- 45
i get you 100%. i went through a similar situation but now i don't wanna leave college lol. anyways, i learned that the truth is things won't be the same even if you do go to a school nearby. things change as you get older and it's really scary. i was so scared to move from home at first but i always reminded myself that i had the choice to leave whenever i wanted. just remember that you have the choice to do whatever you want. this can either mean not going far for school, taking a gap year, or staying close to home. whatever you decide will be the best option for you in this current moment.
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