Venting Going mental

[Luchs]

Idk why I am writing this, maybe for advice? I have no idea. Anyways it just really sucks. Ever since quarantine started my mental state has been going to hell. Violent moodswings from happiness to depressive, I'm seeing shit that is not there, sleeping problems, paranoia and self-isolation, all of this has been happening and I just can't deal with suffering silently anymore.

Every single small event can either make me elated or borderline suicidal. I don't want to off myself, but when I am in that state I can't think straight. For the first time in quite a while I had a moment where I think I would have ended it if I were alone.

In the corner of my vision I keep seeing stuff that is not there. Nothing malicious or scary, just innocuous stuff like my cat, when I then go to let my cat out of my room I realize that it isn't there. Other than that I just sometimes get vague notions of movement.

I never had issues with sleeping before, but now I can't easily fall asleep, so I just stay awake until exhaustion forces me to sleep. This only exasperates the mental strain of the situation.

Another thing that I have been dealing with is paranoia. Sometimes I have the notion of someone other than my family being in the house with me, though this often passes quickly. If it doesn't I can't feel safe unless I am locked in my room or carry a knife or my pellet gun.

Last but not least, every time I get depressed I get the feeling that everyone dislikes me. I am normally a very confident and extroverted person, but suddenly there sometimes is this nagging feeling creeping in that I am an annoying asshole that no one likes, but no one is mean enough to tell me, so they just tolerate me around. This leads to me cutting all contact to others for a few days, until the mood passes.

If anyone has any nice words or advice, I'd really appreciate it. Thanksin advance.

 

[stygal]

I can't offer much advice since I haven't had those particular symptoms yet and quarantine as a whole hasn't affected my miserable life in any way.
Yet maybe some simple things could be tweaked to give you temporary or minor relief (you don't have to answer them in this thread - just for yourself):

Are you making sure you're getting outside the house enough (sunlight and change of environment can stimulate the brain a lot) maybe even combined with exercise?
Have you had your blood tested to see if any lack of vitamins or minerals might come into play?
Have you got anyone outside the internet or at least face-to-face to confide in?
How's your sleep been lately?
Have you tried meditation?
Have you got any goals to work towards to distract you enough when you're feeling down?
Have you tried implementing a daily schedule to keep you busy and to establish a routine?
Have you tried medication or microdosing things that might have a calming effect (kratom seems to help many users here)?

Other than that I'm not really sure how to proceed and what to do.
Best of luck to you!