god i want to die but not while im still fat

[oysa]

right now is a good time to kill myself
but i want to feel and be skinny before i die. i dont know how i got here, but somehow on top of wanting to die i developed food issues and i cant stop and i just binged and i feel the fat all over my body and i tried purging like i always but i just couldnt get myself to gag and throw it up and i dont know why so im just digesting it and the fat is like all over my bodya nd tomorrow when i wake up i just know my wrist is going to be thicker and im so scared and disgusted and hate myself and i just want to be skinny and pretty and die.

tomorrow im going to fast no matter what it fucking takes and im going update if i succeed ebcuase i cant take this anymore

 

[j1nxxb0yjj4ke]

I feel u.
I am like 163 and 45-47kg and wanna be under 33.
But now I got my SN and I'm on Polamidone (heroin substitution) and its so much harder to lose weight.
Idk if I'll first lose weight because it may take some weeks or if I die a fatty..
My lowest was 34/33.. years ago
I wanna be skinny, bones again.

 

[oysa]

ur so goals omg

 

[nothingspecial]

We're in the same boat. I'm going to relapse in my ED so I look beautiful when I hang. I wish you the best of luck, you've got this!!

 

[four_walls_girl]

Real cause I HAVE to experience what it's like to be young and skinny. I can't be old and skinny cause that defeats the whole purpose for me. I need to find the cutest outfit possible to ctb in while looking the thinnest I've ever been.

 

[futileflutters]

That's such a mood, best of luck.

 

[CacklingZombie]

We're in the same boat. I'm going to relapse in my ED so I look beautiful when I hang. I wish you the best of luck, you've got this!!

Well…now…let's not forget that you're probably gonna drop a poo under your pretty hanging body.

 

[nothingspecial]

Well…now…let's not forget that you're probably gonna drop a poo under your pretty hanging body.

Omg nooooo I forgot about this Do you think if I fast for days beforehand that won't happen?

 

[CacklingZombie]

Omg nooooo I forgot about this Do you think if I fast for days beforehand that won't happen?

You'd think so. Kentucky gets some pretty sweet corn sweat going on too in the right season. You could get a very Aokigahara vibe going if you hung overnight. Told myself I was done with that place when I moved away, but you're helping make an appealing case for coming back to create art in the Bluegrass.

 

[nothingspecial]

You'd think so. Kentucky gets some pretty sweet corn sweat going on too in the right season. You could get a very Aokigahara vibe going if you hung overnight. Told myself I was done with that place when I moved away, but you're helping make an appealing case for coming back to create art in the Bluegrass.

Woah, you're from Kentucky too? Bluegrass artists are amazing. I understand you being done with the place though, lol.

 

[ge0rge]

what a fucking MOOD

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Don't fast. Deprivation rarely ever works. Find something that you typically spend a lot of time doing that can easily be done while walking. Like listening to a podcast or talking to your friend on the phone, so that the walking doesn't become mundane and boring. If you need to go somewhere, try and walk there. You can always Uber back if you're too tired to walk back.

As for as eating, try to eat food that will make you feel full, but also make it easier for you to create a calorie deficit as well. Like raw brocolli and cauliflower flourets, brussel sprouts and carrots. Just force yourself to eat them like a rabbit. No dip or dressing.

Wishing you much luck on with your attempt to slim down and be more accepted in this disgusting superficial world.

 

[Whale_bones]

It's valid to have those feelings, and you can express what you're genuinely feeling and thinking here. But let's not go around encouraging each other to actually do the actions of starving, purging, and other ED and self-harm behaviors.

ur so goals omg

I'm going to relapse in my ED so I look beautiful when I hang. I wish you the best of luck, you've got this!!

That's such a mood, best of luck.

People sometimes say "best of luck" in response to someone's post about a CTB plan, because the goal of a carefully planned death is to end suffering. ED and self-harm behaviors don't end suffering, they perpetuate it, so encouraging and hyping people up to do them isn't helpful.

 

[nothingspecial]

It's valid to have those feelings, and you can express what you're genuinely feeling and thinking here. But let's not go around encouraging each other to actually do the actions of starving, purging, and other ED and self-harm behaviors.





People sometimes say "best of luck" in response to someone's post about a CTB plan, because the goal of a carefully planned death is to end suffering. ED and self-harm behaviors don't end suffering, they perpetuate it, so encouraging and hyping people up to do them isn't helpful.

You're totally right. I apologize.

 

[Whale_bones]

You're totally right. I apologize.

I really appreciate your response I've had ED issues myself for years, and I want everyone to be able to talk about what's genuinely going on with them. I just know the way ED thoughts fuel off encouragement to punish you, even when you're already suffering... so I want to avoid going there when we can. Sending you positive vibes

 

[lotus11]

This post is sooo interesting to me. I feel the same as I've had an Ed for around 15 years now but it's so interesting to look at why we feel this psychologically because most people's argument is that if your going to die anyway why the hell does it matter if your skinny beforehand? Why not just be fat? I mean your if youll be dead dead anyway you don't exist? Why do we all feel so strongly about the fact we want do be skinny and empty before death? Idk I'd love to see a study on this I find it so interesting

 

[theolivanderroach]

Omg nooooo I forgot about this Do you think if I fast for days beforehand that won't happen?

Nope, just wear a diaper :P

 

[outrider567]

Yeah, this is the first year in a long time that i gained a lot of weight, Haagen-Dazs Strawberry ice cream, so addictive, so I started a diet Oct 10th, down 20 lbs so far, another 20 lbs to go--I will not CTB being overweight!

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

Yeah, this is the first year in a long time that i gained a lot of weight, Haagen-Dazs Strawberry ice cream, so addictive, so I started a diet Oct 10th, down 20 lbs so far, another 20 lbs to go--I will not CTB being overweight!

I was actually just thinking about this. I often think that if I die skinny that people will love me more. Stupid I know.

 

[azoidant]

right now is a good time to kill myself
but i want to feel and be skinny before i die. i dont know how i got here, but somehow on top of wanting to die i developed food issues and i cant stop and i just binged and i feel the fat all over my body and i tried purging like i always but i just couldnt get myself to gag and throw it up and i dont know why so im just digesting it and the fat is like all over my bodya nd tomorrow when i wake up i just know my wrist is going to be thicker and im so scared and disgusted and hate myself and i just want to be skinny and pretty and die.

tomorrow im going to fast no matter what it fucking takes and im going update if i succeed ebcuase i cant take this anymore

I feel this a lot. I've been stuck in this hellhole for years now… Fasting, restricting, binge eating, losing, gaining,
over and over and over. It's so tiresome. It really does mess with your head. Once you start counting calories, I don't think the obsessive food thoughts ever really go away… I wish I could go back in time and get my younger self to just diet normally instead of enacting this godforsaken ED because it really does completely consume you… I wish I knew a way out but I don't. Other than CTB.

A lot of what keeps me going is hoping to die when I'm actually thin lol. Missed my chance last time I hit my LW

Time to get back to losing and gaining the same 20lbs that I've been losing and gaining for years

 

[oysa]

This post is sooo interesting to me. I feel the same as I've had an Ed for around 15 years now but it's so interesting to look at why we feel this psychologically because most people's argument is that if your going to die anyway why the hell does it matter if your skinny beforehand? Why not just be fat? I mean your if youll be dead dead anyway you don't exist? Why do we all feel so strongly about the fact we want do be skinny and empty before death? Idk I'd love to see a study on this I find it so interesting

Because I don't want to be looked down on in my death. The idea just don't sit well with my living self rn- also it's on my bucket list to finish before I die

It's valid to have those feelings, and you can express what you're genuinely feeling and thinking here. But let's not go around encouraging each other to actually do the actions of starving, purging, and other ED and self-harm behaviors.





People sometimes say "best of luck" in response to someone's post about a CTB plan, because the goal of a carefully planned death is to end suffering. ED and self-harm behaviors don't end suffering, they perpetuate it, so encouraging and hyping people up to do them isn't helpful.

Mbmb

 

[futileflutters]

It's valid to have those feelings, and you can express what you're genuinely feeling and thinking here. But let's not go around encouraging each other to actually do the actions of starving, purging, and other ED and self-harm behaviors.





People sometimes say "best of luck" in response to someone's post about a CTB plan, because the goal of a carefully planned death is to end suffering. ED and self-harm behaviors don't end suffering, they perpetuate it, so encouraging and hyping people up to do them isn't helpful.

Apologies

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה,

When you can't afford food you'll change your mind about this.

Actual advice, walk everywhere.