Giving up on SN

[justanotherstar]

Hi everyone, long time lurker but new forum member. I almost came and went without interacting here but I find myself here posting so yeah hi. Like many others I came here because I wanted to CTB, I've researched and spent probably far too many hours pondering which method was for me, I wanted to get it right and if I could find the most peaceful way possible then maybe it would alleviate my intrusive thoughts of getting mowed down by a high speed train because In my head that's the most accessible and lethal means I have access too. But I've never been able to let myself feel okay about this brutal ending and I would never do it because I've seen first hand the ptsd experienced by train drivers and emergency workers and I cannot morally allow myself to cause that. So like many others here I'm sure finding out about SN was like finding out about the holy grail. But what I'm about to say will be no surprise that I've exhausted all my options trying to privately purchase SN to the UK. It's a pipe dream, just like N was to me for many years. And so I'm here facing facts that I'm probably about to change my plans to CTB to a less favoured method. Is this really it. Is my peaceful passage into the beyond really over? I'm left with no choice now but to hang myself - I've decided on partial suspension but I'm yet to decide where. I don't want to be found by my family so I would need to find somewhere else. I don't much fancy a hotel room I think I'd rather go out somewhere beautiful you know. I think I'd be happy in the woods but due to my health I struggle with my mobility so I can't plan any elaborate adventures anywhere and there are still dilemmas how do I avoid getting found, poor dog walkers they're always the ones finding bodies. With SN my plan was clear, refined, I had all the other things I needed, I felt at peace. Now I've got that uncertainty back, the agitation. Has anyone else had to give up on there preferred method to one which was more achievable? What's a little bit more disappointment in life ey, there has already been so much. Sorry I'm not sure what the point in my rambling is anymore. Thanks if you read this far

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Hi everyone, long time lurker but new forum member. I almost came and went without interacting here but I find myself here posting so yeah hi. Like many others I came here because I wanted to CTB, I've researched and spent probably far too many hours pondering which method was for me, I wanted to get it right and if I could find the most peaceful way possible then maybe it would alleviate my intrusive thoughts of getting mowed down by a high speed train because In my head that's the most accessible and lethal means I have access too. But I've never been able to let myself feel okay about this brutal ending and I would never do it because I've seen first hand the ptsd experienced by train drivers and emergency workers and I cannot morally allow myself to cause that. So like many others here I'm sure finding out about SN was like finding out about the holy grail. But what I'm about to say will be no surprise that I've exhausted all my options trying to privately purchase SN to the UK. It's a pipe dream, just like N was to me for many years. And so I'm here facing facts that I'm probably about to change my plans to CTB to a less favoured method. Is this really it. Is my peaceful passage into the beyond really over? I'm left with no choice now but to hang myself - I've decided on partial suspension but I'm yet to decide where. I don't want to be found by my family so I would need to find somewhere else. I don't much fancy a hotel room I think I'd rather go out somewhere beautiful you know. I think I'd be happy in the woods but due to my health I struggle with my mobility so I can't plan any elaborate adventures anywhere and there are still dilemmas how do I avoid getting found, poor dog walkers they're always the ones finding bodies. With SN my plan was clear, refined, I had all the other things I needed, I felt at peace. Now I've got that uncertainty back, the agitation. Has anyone else had to give up on there preferred method to one which was more achievable? What's a little bit more disappointment in life ey, there has already been so much. Sorry I'm not sure what the point in my rambling is anymore. Thanks if you read this far

Getting SN in the UK was very easy in 2019. I remember there were a lot of UK members here who did. Those who have restricted SN will cause untold suffering to many in the UK and other countries in which they have restricted SN. Restricting SN will not stop suicide. Suicidal people will just have to resort to painful suicide methods like jumping,drowning, train etc. . So these know-it-all restrictors have caused all that suffering for example if i have to drown myself which is what i was going to do they will be the cause of my suffering. I'm in the USA but we all know they can restrict it in any country as they seem to have done in the UK.

 

[elfgyoza]

I'm so sorry to hear about this OP, I don't even know how to help.

Side note: I wonder how those that played their part in restricting the sale of SN would feel if they read your story. Would they be happy they 'saved' another life or would they realise they've just caused more suffering?
I know many of them browse the forum, I hope you're happy trying to control the lives of strangers you twats

 

[justanotherstar]

Getting SN in the UK was very easy in 2019. I remember there were a lot of UK members here who did. Those who have restricted SN will cause untold suffering to many in the UK and other countries in which they have restricted SN. Restricting SN will not stop suicide. people will just have to resort to painful methods. So these know-it-all restrictors have caused all that suffering for example if i have to drown myself which is what i was going to do they will be the cause of my suffering. I'm in the USA but we all know they can restrict it in any country as they seem to have done in the UK.

Yes your spot on, Restricting SN will not stop suicide - they just make i let more painful and traumatic. I think unfortunately other countries are probably not far behind. Sad :-(

I'm so sorry to hear about this OP, I don't even know how to help.

Side note: I wonder how those that played their part in restricting the sale of SN would feel if they read your story. Would they be happy they 'saved' another life or would they realise they've just caused more suffering?
I know many of them browse the forum, I hope you're happy trying to control the lives of strangers you twats

Yes so poignant, I hope they do read and realise that they've caused more suffering. It makes me feel sad for my fellow human beings who are just seeking peace the best way they know how

 

[Abir_london]

Reading this made me sad :(
SN is still my favorite method, but I can't find a seller
Have you tried to order it?
I have people who told me they were able to order it with no issues

 

[justanotherstar]

Reading this made me sad :(
SN is still my favorite method, but I can't find a seller
Have you tried to order it?
I have people who told me they were able to order it with no issues

I have spent hours searching suppliers on Google and registered with several sites to order each time coming up against the same issue that they will no longer make private sales or ship to residential addresses - each site requiring that you are a company. I've looked to source from U.K. and abroad but I haven't found anything viable. If there are avenues to purchase SN still left then I'd love to know where from

 

[Nimbus]

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling and may need to rely on a less peaceful method. I have seen others on this site from the UK who have been able to source SN, some who even recently offered to share their supply. I hope you are able to find what you need soon. Hugs.

 

[Predestinated]

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling and may need to rely on a less peaceful method. I have seen others on this site from the UK who have been able to source SN, some who even recently offered to share their supply. I hope you are able to find what you need soon. Hugs.

"SN causes heavy headache, vomiting....". I dont know if its so peaceful. I think hanging is much more peaceful if done correctly, because you pass out within seconds. While SN takes 12 minutes until you pass out, if done correctly

 

[Stepheng7287]

I was actually happy and at peace with the thought of going out with SN but it's been held up for over a week now and I'm almost certain they're not letting it through. I think I'm going to have to start looking into partial or go with my previous choice of Exit bag + Nitrogen. I'd like to go out in my car so exit bag seems to be the best bet. Partial will kill you a lot quicker but I told myself I won't do it in my home where my family can find me. Maybe in the woods? Hotel rooms have always felt creepy to me in general for some reason so I don't want my last minutes to be in one.

 

[Nimbus]

"SN causes heavy headache, vomiting....". I dont know if its so peaceful. I think hanging is much more peaceful if done correctly, because you pass out within seconds. While SN takes 12 minutes until you pass out, if done correctly

True, there are certainly aspects of SN that aren't so peaceful, as you point out. But I do think the idea of drinking a poison (despite the headache and vomiting) is a lot more peaceful than the idea of tying a rope so tightly around one's neck to cause strangulation. In reality, it may be flawed logic but one needs to be able to wrap their head around the idea enough to be able to go through with it. It is a very personal choice after all.

 

[sarahR]

My friend just CTB yesterday from sn. At a hotel room. I hope it wasn't painful and she left in peace.

 

[Raminiki]

At the start of the pandemic, suicidal urges hit me hard and I came here and researched thoroughly about SN. I ordered three samples from three sellers while I had the chance because I knew covid was going to spike suicide rates and bring attention to SN as a method. All arrived through customs no bother into the UK. I have nearly half a kilo put aside, although all will need to be properly tested to determine purity. I'm so glad I acted quickly. Life becomes increasingly desperate and having a guaranteed exit is about the only reason I can cope.

I'm so sorry you're not in my position. I couldn't consider hanging. I do have all the inert gas and exit bag equipment as well. You should consider that as a relatively peaceful option.

 

[justanotherstar]

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling and may need to rely on a less peaceful method. I have seen others on this site from the UK who have been able to source SN, some who even recently offered to share their supply. I hope you are able to find what you need soon. Hugs.

Thanks Nimbus - I hope I find what I need too, whatever form that takes

I was actually happy and at peace with the thought of going out with SN but it's been held up for over a week now and I'm almost certain they're not letting it through. I think I'm going to have to start looking into partial or go with my previous choice of Exit bag + Nitrogen. I'd like to go out in my car so exit bag seems to be the best bet. Partial will kill you a lot quicker but I told myself I won't do it in my home where my family can find me. Maybe in the woods? Hotel rooms have always felt creepy to me in general for some reason so I don't want my last minutes to be in one.

I could have written this myself. I hope you find the answers you're looking for

My friend just CTB yesterday from sn. At a hotel room. I hope it wasn't painful and she left in peace.

I hope you're friend is at peace

At the start of the pandemic, suicidal urges hit me hard and I came here and researched thoroughly about SN. I ordered three samples from three sellers while I had the chance because I knew covid was going to spike suicide rates and bring attention to SN as a method. All arrived through customs no bother into the UK. I have nearly half a kilo put aside, although all will need to be properly tested to determine purity. I'm so glad I acted quickly. Life becomes increasingly desperate and having a guaranteed exit is about the only reason I can cope.

I'm so sorry you're not in my position. I couldn't consider hanging. I do have all the inert gas and exit bag equipment as well. You should consider that as a relatively peaceful option.

I will look into it, because ultimately the peaceful option is what I'm hoping to achieve

 

[omoidarui]

I have spent hours searching suppliers on Google and registered with several sites to order each time coming up against the same issue that they will no longer make private sales or ship to residential addresses - each site requiring that you are a company.

You could look for nearby virtual office addresses that offer a one-time collection service and arrange to have it shipped there with a fake company name (if you're decided on this).

 

[justanotherstar]

You could look for nearby virtual office addresses that offer a one-time collection service and arrange to have it shipped there with a fake company name (if you're decided on this).

What an excellent idea. Thank you so much for suggesting this. It's given me me some hope of a peaceful passing at a time when I was becoming increasing desperate and for that it means a lot

 

[LonelyDude15]

You can just have them send it to an industrial address then redirect it to a postal pickup location. It's restricted here in Canada for residential addresses but you can just put an address for a local business and then ask FedEx to hold it on location.