Giving it a try

[Endofit]

I'm giving a try at recovery. I've lost everything, girlfriend, career, finances, friends and some family over the past few years. And I've been very down for a while now. But I definitly can't CTB. There is something keeping me from doing it. So I've decided i'll try to redo everything from scratch, eventho I have low energy. I'll try to get back on my feet and find a reason to live again. I needed to share this so It's somewhere out there. I'm trying again. Maybe advices on how to fight remorse for good would be welcome.

 

[drugfiend]

I hope the best for you on your journey to recovery. Losing almost everything is tough, but is there anything, no matter how small, in life that brings you joy currently?

As for fighting remorse, this is a tricky one. It depends on what you're feeling remorseful about and what coping strategies you're using to deal with whatever's weighing on your mind. Me personally? I drink everyday to deal with the guilt of staying on this planet far past my welcome, but I know this is terrible advice for someone already dealing with many issues in their life. It just works for me, the slow and passive suicide as they say. For you it may be a different form of escapism like getting obsessed with a tv show, memorizing the names of all the newest generation of Pokémon, hell even solving jigsaw puzzles can be distracting enough. If you're feeling really gutsy, you could try facing your guilt head-on by talking it out with a therapist or a trusted friend/family member.

As for a reason to live again, if it's nighttime for you, try looking up at the sky. Especially if it's a clear night and you can see the moon/stars. Not guaranteed to work but worth a shot and it's free. I can't really imagine a situation where looking up at the sky has made anyone's life worse. Worst case scenario you wasted a minute or so of your life with no net positive or negative to your mental health. Wishing you the best on your road to recovery.

 

[Endofit]

I hope the best for you on your journey to recovery. Losing almost everything is tough, but is there anything, no matter how small, in life that brings you joy currently?

As for fighting remorse, this is a tricky one. It depends on what you're feeling remorseful about and what coping strategies you're using to deal with whatever's weighing on your mind. Me personally? I drink everyday to deal with the guilt of staying on this planet far past my welcome, but I know this is terrible advice for someone already dealing with many issues in their life. It just works for me, the slow and passive suicide as they say. For you it may be a different form of escapism like getting obsessed with a tv show, memorizing the names of all the newest generation of Pokémon, hell even solving jigsaw puzzles can be distracting enough. If you're feeling really gutsy, you could try facing your guilt head-on by talking it out with a therapist or a trusted friend/family member.

As for a reason to live again, if it's nighttime for you, try looking up at the sky. Especially if it's a clear night and you can see the moon/stars. Not guaranteed to work but worth a shot and it's free. I can't really imagine a situation where looking up at the sky has made anyone's life worse. Worst case scenario you wasted a minute or so of your life with no net positive or negative to your mental health. Wishing you the best on your road to recovery.

Currently, there is not much that brings me joy. I live alone, work a shit job for a shit wage. But I do like having a little chat with random persons. It's the only thing that calm me down rn.

About alcohol, I've drank way too much in the past, and stopped when I started working again. Hangover just brings me so down I can't drink anymore.

Basically 5 years ago I've decided to quit a good job abroad to open a business and failed. Thats where the guilt comes from. Failure and the fact that my girlfriend left at this moment made me drink and smoke weed too much, and I ended up having a psychosis that sent me straight to a psyche ward. I've been ruminating these thoughts for years now. But today I decided to face it indeed and try and "kill" the person I was to move forward.

I will definitly try to look up at the sky tonight, see if it is of any help. I'm wishing you peace in your journey as well.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

All the strength for your return to recovery, I wish you all the best!

As for fighting remorse, I think it's important to recognise what you're remorseful about and what outcome you would want from the situation that you're remorseful about. We can't change the past but we can forgive yourselves for our decisions since we did the best we could at the time. We can also look back and reenact what happened, out loud or in our minds, and create a different outcome. I've been doing that in therapy, creating a different outcome for some past trauma and evaluating how I felt after I changed the outcome. It actually helped, made me feel less useless. I know that at the time I could have done better and didn't but now it's like I was given the chance to go back and fix the situation and even though it doesn't affect the future, it feels good to go back and fix things.

Similar to when you're constantly having the same nightmare and one time during the day you think about the nightmare but say out loud a different outcome and then you're not haunted by that nightmare again, because you solved it.

This is the only advice I have I think, I hope it helps!

 

[Endofit]

All the strength for your return to recovery, I wish you all the best!

As for fighting remorse, I think it's important to recognise what you're remorseful about and what outcome you would want from the situation that you're remorseful about. We can't change the past but we can forgive yourselves for our decisions since we did the best we could at the time. We can also look back and reenact what happened, out loud or in our minds, and create a different outcome. I've been doing that in therapy, creating a different outcome for some past trauma and evaluating how I felt after I changed the outcome. It actually helped, made me feel less useless. I know that at the time I could have done better and didn't but now it's like I was given the chance to go back and fix the situation and even though it doesn't affect the future, it feels good to go back and fix things.

Similar to when you're constantly having the same nightmare and one time during the day you think about the nightmare but say out loud a different outcome and then you're not haunted by that nightmare again, because you solved it.

This is the only advice I have I think, I hope it helps!

Thanks for your wishes and advice. I've reenacted the situation so much in my head but it made me feel more miserable, as I see how the poor choice affected my quality of life in a very bad way. Its kind of unfixable now. I feel like I need to rebirth or something. I can't live with that burden anymore. But anyway I'm glad it worked for you and I hope you're doing okay

 

[pleroman]

If you find a surefire way to eliminate the remorse and accept choices that are unthinkably awful, let me know. There is a lot of advice out there about it but it is not helping, nor is time unfortunately.

 

[Endofit]

If you find a surefire way to eliminate the remorse and accept choices that are unthinkably awful, let me know. There is a lot of advice out there about it but it is not helping, nor is time unfortunately.

Well no one will ever be able to eliminate such remorse I think. Personally, I've chose to own it. I've been dumb, it made my life way worse. And I can't CTB. Not much more options left than to live with it. As someone said somewhere, now I kind of try to see life as a big joke. Not take it seriously and try to enjoy what is left to enjoy even if its small. I paint everything with sarcasm and dark humour. It helps me. I hope you find some relief somehow