Venting Given up, I don't see things getting better and a failure.

[Dark Moon]

As the title says, I thought about improving myself last year but I don't have the energy or support to do that. I've spent too long in isolation and I think it has affected me. If I kept going like this I'm going to be a full blown hikikomori/neet/recluse, it's almost impossible for me to change and I just feel like a failure.

I can't relate to people because of having autism and people will know their is something off with me regardless.

I hate it how society wants to keep me alive and methods to kill myself are restricted, I don't want to live for much longer.

I'm also trying to reduce my money and savings before I find a way to ctb.

Is anyone else like this? I put venting but I'm just empty.

 

[anhedonya]

I can relate, yes. Life circumstances forced me into extended isolation and with my current circumstances, I'm not getting out of that isolation anytime soon. I'm not sure if I have autism, but I know that people in real life don't like me unless I'm playing a character. It's hard to maintain this character after a few hours and it instantly gets me singled out.

I wish CTB were easier too. I can understand compassion and empathy driving people to see potential in one another and wanting better for those they care about. Even now, I really struggle with engaging with some of the more direct posts on here because I understand the instinct to see what they could be and how much kindness they have. But I also understand that life should be a choice; and this is something the world doesn't agree with us on.

If anything, I think restricting CTB options like this only creates a worse problem. People will go to more and more violent lengths to be free of suffering. It's completely counter productive.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

 

[blueming]

I'm so sorry you're suffering. As someone who wasn't able to leave the house for 2, almost 3 years, I've definitely also felt the effects of isolation.

I wish we had more straightforward, painless methods available to us instead of having to go to all sorts of extreme lengths in order to achieve something that should be our right. We have the right to our own lives, and we have the right to end them.

I'm not sure if I have autism, but I know that people in real life don't like me unless I'm playing a character. It's hard to maintain this character after a few hours and it instantly gets me singled out.

I relate to this so much. It's insanely exhausting having to wear that mask.

 

[J&L383]

Me too. . So tired. Most likely ASD, CPTSD. Not a good recipe for success. Need a larger closet for all my masks.

 

[Dark Moon]

I can relate, yes. Life circumstances forced me into extended isolation and with my current circumstances, I'm not getting out of that isolation anytime soon. I'm not sure if I have autism, but I know that people in real life don't like me unless I'm playing a character. It's hard to maintain this character after a few hours and it instantly gets me singled out.

I wish CTB were easier too. I can understand compassion and empathy driving people to see potential in one another and wanting better for those they care about. Even now, I really struggle with engaging with some of the more direct posts on here because I understand the instinct to see what they could be and how much kindness they have. But I also understand that life should be a choice; and this is something the world doesn't agree with us on.

If anything, I think restricting CTB options like this only creates a worse problem. People will go to more and more violent lengths to be free of suffering. It's completely counter productive.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

Yeah that mask that you have to wear to try to fit and be normal. I can't really do that.

I guess my family wouldn't want me to ctb but at the same time I don't feel like they care about me and I also struggle with some of the posts on here.

I'm going to have to find other methods to do it in the future even the violent ones.

Me too. . So tired. Most likely ASD, CPTSD. Not a good recipe for success. Need a larger closet for all my masks.

Same with me.

I'm so sorry you're suffering. As someone who wasn't able to leave the house for 2, almost 3 years, I've definitely also felt the effects of isolation.

I wish we had more straightforward, painless methods available to us instead of having to go to all sorts of extreme lengths in order to achieve something that should be our right. We have the right to our own lives, and we have the right to end them.


I relate to this so much. It's insanely exhausting having to wear that mask.

That's right.

 

[anhedonya]

Yeah that mask that you have to wear to try to fit and be normal. I can't really do that.

I guess my family wouldn't want me to ctb but at the same time I don't feel like they care about me and I also struggle with some of the posts on here.

I'm going to have to find other methods to do it in the future even the violent ones.


Same with me.

That's right.

I really hope things look up for you. I'm sorry your family doesn't treat you well. I know maybe your family might not care, and I'm just a stranger online, but I care. I know it's your choice but I want you to know that you are not meaningless and you have impact. I would remember speaking with you and I would care that you were a person who deserved better.

 

[Skynights]

As the title says, I thought about improving myself last year but I don't have the energy or support to do that. I've spent too long in isolation and I think it has affected me. If I kept going like this I'm going to be a full blown hikikomori/neet/recluse, it's almost impossible for me to change and I just feel like a failure.

I can't relate to people because of having autism and people will know their is something off with me regardless.

I hate it how society wants to keep me alive and methods to kill myself are restricted, I don't want to live for much longer.

I'm also trying to reduce my money and savings before I find a way to ctb.

Is anyone else like this? I put venting but I'm just empty.

You're saving my words. I am exactly in your situation. I feel worthless, a good for nothing, a nuisance in other's presence and yet I am trapped.