Venting Given the ultimate reason to ctb

[paprikafever]

First post here, and surely won't be my last. I've been a long time lurker, living under the false assumption that one day all my negative feelings will go away. Instead, they met their penultimate. My partner of 4 years has chosen to leave me, said he hasn't been happy for 9 months, basically treat me like shit so I'd be the one to bring up a break with him. I'll spare you the details, but I wanted to marry this man, I wanted to mother his children (makes those 9 months all the more ironic). When I was younger, I told myself the worst thing that could happen to me would be this. And yet, it seemed so out of reach. That I would've even need to consider a planned attempt. I've attempted many times before, but all spontaneously. I've never sad down and confronted the idea of a planned exit. Perhaps this cause seems so trivial, I mean, in the grand scheme of things, 4 years seems like crumbs. But I'm young, and those were my formative years. Everything I know is him. I'm a first year uni student, I'm autistic and I've got crippling adhd. Shit is already tough for me. I feel like everything else I've been through has just been a drop in the bucket, but now someone's went and kicked it over. Like I said, I'm young and I have barely lived, but if life continues to feel this hard, why would I want to? Why not put an end to it now. Maybe I'll look back on this and see how melodramatic I was being, or maybe I'll still stand by it. All I can say for sure is, right now, I've decided to give up. No more superficially dragging myself out of bed, I think I'll rot here for a while.

 

[TheHolySword]

I understand the grief of a breakup. I think you should take some time to explore yourself, explore life on your own and see what it has to offer. You don't have to do anything yet. It's okay to wait and see if things improve. If talking things out helps, I would recommend seeking a therapist. You can take time to rot and be sad and heartbroken. Whatever you decide, this community will be here. I hope you find your peace one day.

 

[paprikafever]

I understand the grief of a breakup. I think you should take some time to explore yourself, explore life on your own and see what it has to offer. You don't have to do anything yet. It's okay to wait and see if things improve. If talking things out helps, I would recommend seeking a therapist. You can take time to rot and be sad and heartbroken. Whatever you decide, this community will be here. I hope you find your peace one day.

Thank you. I think community is what I need. I've been given the ultimate reason to feel sad, but I suppose I've always been an escapist. I will have to ride this wave.

 

[deadbidaylight]

Thank you. I think community is what I need. I've been given the ultimate reason to feel sad, but I suppose I've always been an escapist. I will have to ride this wave.

You don't "have" to do anything, but I agree with the above. You're young and there is so much to live for that you haven't experienced yet. Heartbreak is one of the worst emotions to go through, and it cripples a lot of people. Take the time you need to grieve, and allow yourself to wallow in self pity for a while, just don't stay there. Now is the opportunity for some self reflection and self love. Find out who you are again without a partner. It's amazing what you might find