Help Getting Surgery Soon, but still plan on ctb and now I feel like I'm wasting medical resources

[RosebyAnyName]

I'm still waiting for a bunch of legal stuff to be sorted out before I CTB, and it keeps getting delayed, so my original CTB date in February got pushed back multiple times.

Well, in the meantime I learned I am going to require major surgery in a week (on very short notice). I'm playing along because I don't want to raise suspicion about wanting to die, but now I feel guilty and like I'm wasting medical resources. What will people think if I get this major surgery and then just CTB right after? I know I won't be around to see the fallout, but it still feels wrong.

Canceling the surgery is out of the question, and I've heard the recovery can be long and painful so I'd rather avoid it, but I'm not ready to CTB right now because of the legal stuff I'm trying to sort out first. What can I do to reconcile with this?

 

[Hvergelmir]

What can I do to reconcile with this?

If they knew the full picture, they'd still want the operation done.
No one will cry over lost resources.

If you recover and build a decent life, you can consider the debt paid. If you kill yourself, the same debt will be insignificant.
It's not something to stress about.

 

[Aflame5926]

I'm still waiting for a bunch of legal stuff to be sorted out before I CTB, and it keeps getting delayed, so my original CTB date in February got pushed back multiple times.

Well, in the meantime I learned I am going to require major surgery in a week (on very short notice). I'm playing along because I don't want to raise suspicion about wanting to die, but now I feel guilty and like I'm wasting medical resources. What will people think if I get this major surgery and then just CTB right after? I know I won't be around to see the fallout, but it still feels wrong.

Canceling the surgery is out of the question, and I've heard the recovery can be long and painful so I'd rather avoid it, but I'm not ready to CTB right now because of the legal stuff I'm trying to sort out first. What can I do to reconcile with this?

that sounds to me like a THEM issue you are worrying about.
there is no way to could spoken honestly about it.
honesty is not the way anymore. lying is.

its not the doctor gonna say "well your wish to die makes sense to me lets plan to make an end to it" ...........

play stupid games win stupid prizes but this is 100% not you that has to pay for it OP