Made4TV
A hopeless hope junkie
- Sep 17, 2018
- 574
I'm thinking of going again. A year ago I attempted with nitrogen and didn't succeed (not the fault of the method... I've written about it in TiredHorse's excellent nitrogen/exit bag thread). One of the things that caused me to be discovered and rescued was that I did not get rid of my phone before I attempted and gave in to the urge to send 2 thank you texts in the middle of the night to 2 people who turn their phone off at night.
It has now occurred to me that it may be a good barometer for me as a way of knowing if I'm really ready, and really going to go through with it. Sometimes I have a hard time telling the difference between momentary suicide urges and the real deal (because it always feels "lasting and enduring" at the time, no matter which it is).
I have my SN and anti-emetics and know what I'm doing. But when I thought of throwing my phone in a trash can or in the nearby lake tomight as a preparation to ensure success I got cold feet about it.
I'm wondering if other people have something like this...a kind of internal barometer of when they are *really* and truly ready to opt out of this world for good?
It has now occurred to me that it may be a good barometer for me as a way of knowing if I'm really ready, and really going to go through with it. Sometimes I have a hard time telling the difference between momentary suicide urges and the real deal (because it always feels "lasting and enduring" at the time, no matter which it is).
I have my SN and anti-emetics and know what I'm doing. But when I thought of throwing my phone in a trash can or in the nearby lake tomight as a preparation to ensure success I got cold feet about it.
I'm wondering if other people have something like this...a kind of internal barometer of when they are *really* and truly ready to opt out of this world for good?