Story Getting more serious about CTB again

[symphony]

I've attempted three times before (hanging and vsed). Practiced hanging myself more times than I can count and I suck at it. It's funny, because the last time I was super seriously suicidal was around this time last year too. I'm thinking May. SN. Even thinking about ordering the means scares me but at the same time, I know it needs to end soon. Though I told myself if something specific happens, I'll keep living. Kinda hoping it doesn't because I'd rather just die.

Does anyone have any advice for working up the courage to order SN and AE?

 

[missingpeace]

Just realizing that the final use is completely under your control. Having the option to opt out anytime could also help you decide that's not what you want, too.

 

[Pluto]

Just realizing that the final use is completely under your control. Having the option to opt out anytime could also help you decide that's not what you want, too.

Yes, this is what I was going to say. Having my SN sitting there just means no fear of unbearable long-term suffering, or dreadful methods. It's choice and control.

 

[losing hope]

IN addition to the brillant points already raised, also SN apparently lasts decades if stored correctly.

I've purchased SN from IC almost 1 year ago now, not knowing when I might use it (if at all). It give me piece of mind to know my SN will last years & is always there in case life gets too much.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't understand what advice one could possibly be looking for, as I believe it to be a personal decision when to start planning ctb, it's a feeling that one has when they know that it's the right time. I don't really think that you can force yourself to do such a thing. But I do consider those who have a reliable method right now like SN to be fortunate. Methods like that seem to be complicated and difficult to access and I think that they are becoming more and more restricted unfortunately.

 

[peelingbananas]

I've attempted three times before (hanging and vsed). Practiced hanging myself more times than I can count and I suck at it. It's funny, because the last time I was super seriously suicidal was around this time last year too. I'm thinking May. SN. Even thinking about ordering the means scares me but at the same time, I know it needs to end soon. Though I told myself if something specific happens, I'll keep living. Kinda hoping it doesn't because I'd rather just die.

Does anyone have any advice for working up the courage to order SN and AE?

what's the specific thing? can you share?