Venting Genuinely just a piece of shit human

[rotthjärta]

I'm not always that way. I don't condone it at all. Abuse I mean in relationships specifically. I don't know what goes wrong but I always end up snapping or raging like an idiot and I attack the person verbally. I never physically hurt anyone, I don't think I could. But verbal it's a hard thing to control, the thought of even being in a new relationship makes me wary, I don't even want that at all really, I'm not a good person. I say I am not like this all the time because I'm not, It's only when I'm under stress. Or the smallest thing makes me have some stupid irrational thought.

It's very embarrassing that Im unable to control my emotions at this age or the way I act is so cruel. I don't want to try at all at human socializing or relationships. I know for close relationships that It is my fault as to why they go to shit. In some way It pisses me off when they leave because it makes me feel that whatever love they said they had for me wasn't true but then again its that stupid side of me thinking.

I don't understand why I keep trying. Somewhere I really desire to find someone who is compatible with me but then I remind myself that I can be such a hassle or burden. I never managed to make a meaningful relationship. I feel like such a shit fucking person.

 

[BrokenByTheSystem]

That seems a lot like autistic behavior.


Impulsivity and rage is something I had for a long time and made me freak out and scream and curse many people. Later I found out it was due to autism.