Venting game has consumed my free time and well being

[annoyed]

i dont know how to come to people about this without feeling embarrassed, maybe because its really pathetic and unnormal for someone to have their entire day ruined because they did bad in a couple of games. my friend says that hes disappointed that i treat bad games like this but i cant control or help the urges and thoughts that go through my mind if i make just a little mistake (or if i dont notice the mistake at first until someone else watching my screenshare points out i made a mistake, then i internalize the mistake for the rest of the time i spend on the game that day and i am really hard on myself. i am also very sensitive to criticism and advice about my poor performance.) it also does not help when randoms point out the fact that i am doing poorly and it makes immediately improving 10x harder because i am already in my head.

ive tried a bunch of competitive games and each one makes me insurmountably miserable, to the point of self-harm to forget about it temporarily. i feel useless in and out of the game, i try to play the game to escape my real problems so when i am doing poorly it makes me feel very shitty.

if you understand this to some extent, what would you recommend. its near impossible to quit the game, because the game supplies me with an abundance of dopamine if i do end up having a good game or multiple. as soon as i feel myself declining i start to ruminate on it and it ruins my focus and mood. so i cant just get off the game, as the rush of actually playing decent or passable is addictive. like how do i just stop caring about the game like other normal people do. its so hard and frustrating

 

[ScaredCutter]

i enjoy playing games even when i get adrenaline it feels more fun. i play semi comp games but, i also feel pretty disappointed and upset at myself because of poor performance same for rhythm games. i get why ud wanna play the game instead of quitting, but, u could explore games that tend to focus on relaxing and being more bent with its style, games like nonograms can have ways of helping (obvs depending on what ur playing them on) some have a button to auto fill parts to guide u with the puzzle, i also enjoy games like minesweeper even though a mistake makes u restart, its somewhat enjoyable because i love getting big number mines. i also like games that let u play around with settings, adjusting it for an experience ud enjoy, like minecraft peaceful mode/creative/cheats, cheat sheet for tmod/journey mode for terraria, i also like games with difficulty adjustments, minecraft, terraria and touhou project.
(using games that are more lenient as a way to cool off and relax)

its completely ok to feel that way when u make mistakes in games or a bad move, but those things doesnt mean ur performance will forever be ass. this is probs shallow but, u can always use those as a stepping stool to improve in a way. like, if theres a repeat where if u go somewhere and immediately die, u can switch sides, change builds and what not. mistakes and "poor" performance will just happen to anybody. if theres also like lobbies u can go into to just practice around, u can use those too.
i apologise if this is shallow!

what games do u play?

 

[annoyed]

i apologise if this is shallow!

what games do u play?

not shallow, its good advice just i've virtually tried everything, but the only thing i struggle with is not taking criticism personally or not being able to handle criticism "normally". i play a lot but valorant and overwatch are the main games that make these issues occur and i like to play both games because of the good times when i do play, but the bad times are worse than awful and honestly unbearable. i dont want to just quit the games but i want to get better but i dont want to be told im doing something wrong… so what now? do i just plateau in shame for fucking up in this dumbass anime shooter or do i give up and play boring games that don't stimulate me enough.

people recommend ppl with bpd to stay far away from competitive games without proper consultation because stuff like this could happen but i dont have a therapist or take meds so everything i feel is unregulated.

 

[Spider Lilies]

I get scared with criticism too and so i tend to only play solo games or with friends who i know will be okay with me messing up/not being good. I guess the only exception to this is fantasy MMOs since for some reason magic and stuff make it easier for me to be comfortable. But I won't touch online shooter pvp's with a 10ft pole since incant headshot another player for the life of me.

Im not sure if youre streaming and thats why you have the screen share on or what. But if you're streaming for views then unfortunately its just a work in progress on getting used to people potentially being backseat gamers and learning to ignore them. If its not a stream for views than can turn off commenting/vc. I get you'll still have yourself pointing mistakes out but its better than all of it

 

[ScaredCutter]

not shallow, its good advice just i've virtually tried everything, but the only thing i struggle with is not taking criticism personally or not being able to handle criticism "normally". i play a lot but valorant and overwatch are the main games that make these issues occur and i like to play both games because of the good times when i do play, but the bad times are worse than awful and honestly unbearable. i dont want to just quit the games but i want to get better but i dont want to be told im doing something wrong… so what now? do i just plateau in shame for fucking up in this dumbass anime shooter or do i give up and play boring games that don't stimulate me enough.

people recommend ppl with bpd to stay far away from competitive games without proper consultation because stuff like this could happen but i dont have a therapist or take meds so everything i feel is unregulated.

val and overwatch feel like shitty shooter games because of the people, they will just beat u up over the slightest of things, yeah there'll be good people who wont be so harsh on others and understand them but, it feels like a breeding ground for those who wanna hate instead of support eachother (no pun intended). sometimes you may have to accept some criticism to also improve but, i dont blame u for struggling with it, its hard to build urself back up from it when it hurts u. im sure despite many u try to find that, therell be atleast one where ull feel like ur not as bad as others say u are.

i also struggle with being given criticism myself too but, whenever i get fed criticism i just feel like "proving them wrong", that i am actually good "you just dont see it" that, my style is fine the way it is, "so what if i lose?". i do take some of it to heart and feel hurt because maybe i am just that bad but honestly, its ur playstyle, its what ur comfortable with. i believe every playstyle is fine regardless unless its to intentionalyl throw a game. but, not everyone will see it as "good" or because u lose with it that, "its the worst way of playing". theres videos and such ive heard, where theres people playing really horribly and still scoring a win even with people saying horrid things. i used to do it myself but with more of low level stuff because sometimes people will refer to u as a "cheater".

though i dont play shooters like that because i hate lobbies with vc and being told extreme vile shit. i believe ur an all right player on them, i view valorant as somewhat a hard game but i never got to play it because, i didnt know how to join a match lol.
if this is alright with u, do u have a clip of u playing?

 

[shigure]

I don't think it's pathetic or weak of you to feel bad for not doing as well as you'd like on a video game. Criticism can be scary too... I will say, try not to take criticism from randoms too seriously, usually when they give unsolicited advice, 99% of the time it's because they want to make you feel bad.

You seem like an ambitious and introspective person, it's rare that someone is able to blame themselves, and it's even rarer when they're able to recognize, as you put it, small mistakes. Focus on yourself, maybe go to aim labs, or check out some guides and coach videos to help you with those mistakes.

But if gaming brings you joy, please don't stop. You said your friend friend doesn't like how much games can affect your mental, it seems they're more concerned for your well-being rather than getting wins. Maybe continue playing with those friends, but ignore or at least be skeptical of any randoms trying to comment on your game play.

I know it's easier said than done, but I hope the best for you

 

[Forever Sleep]

Do you have to play the game competitively or, alongside others? Is that part of the 'fun'? To share your progress? I love gaming too but, I generally avoid co-op games. I know for sure I'd be too poor at most games to be a useful team member. If you are playing alone though- do you have to share screenshots etc? Do you somewhat enjoy the connection with people? It's not really something I'd do because I know I wouldn't be as good as many people out there. There's that cliche phrase: 'Comparison is the thief of joy.'

But then, if your hope is to be the best at something, I suppose you do have to compete. I guess it depends what you're playing it for. Is the game enjoyable on its own or, is it more about trying to achieve goals?

Slightly different, but I can understand your mindset. I'm this way about my creative work. I don't enjoy working around others- for fear of making mistakes in front of them. Mistakes happen regardless but, I can at least try to fix them before presenting the work when I'm working alone. When I mess up around others though, it just smashes my confidence. I also get fixated on how stupid I was. How everyone must be thinking I'm so incompetent and undeserving of the job. So, the distraction worrying about that tends to make me make more mistakes. So- I think I can relate. There've been multiple times I felt so bad, I just wanted the earth to swallow me up.