NSFW Gallows Humor (Please share dark jokes) 😂🤣😅

[Manaaja]

View attachment 183309

A Finn, a Middle Eastern and an American where on a train.

The American threw money out of the train's window yelling "We have so much money, we can afford to throw it out of the window!".

The Middle Eastern threw a barrel out yelling "We have so much oil, we can afford to throw it out of the window!".

The Finn took the jokes on this thread and threw them out. XD

 

[maniac116]

2 fleas meet in the city...

One of them is coughing hard and seems to be really sick.
The other one asks: "what the Fuck happened to you?"
The other replies: "I did something stupid. I crawled into the mustache of a biker. Shit got cold quickly and now I'm stuck with the flu."

"Man that sucks, but I know something you can do. Get in between the legs of a human female. There's usually a patch of hair and it's nice, cozy and warm."

A week later they meet again, the first flea still coughing his lungs out.
The other flea cries out: "Dude, did you not listen to me last time?"
To which the first replies: "I did, but it got so nice and warm I fell asleep and the next morning I was somehow back in the biker's mustache!"

 

[darksouls]

 

[maniac116]

1) What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
Well, he had so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into LEGOs... Now kids play with him for a change.
2) Did you hear they were making a McJackson burger for Michael Jackson?
It has a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun
3) We named our guitar school after Michael Jackson...
First lesson: fingering A minor
4) I used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask.....
Yet here i am, stuck at home in this covid19 Thriller, Beating it.....
5) I heard Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning...
He ate some 12 year old nuts

 

[maniac116]

1) I couldn't understand why the baseball was getting closer and closer ... and then it hit me.

2) A man goes to a therapist and says, "Doctor, why do people keep ignoring me?"
The therapist replies, "Next!"

3) My wife says I'm a skeptic...
But I don't believe a thing she says.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Why do priests suck at racing ?

They always come in a little behind....

 

[maniac116]

A man was very sick...
Doctors feared the worst.
He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you."
The man says, "Are my children here?"
"Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.
"Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say, "Yes, we are all here…"
The man sits up and says, "Then why the hell is the light on in the kitchen?!!"