NSFW Gallows Humor (Please share dark jokes) 😂🤣😅

[nogods4me]

This thread is hilarious. I am always pleasantly surprised when suicidals deliver. Even more-so when they self-deliver.

 

[Electra]

 

[deleted]

 

[nogods4me]

The other day at the circus the ambiguously giddy clown turned things around a bit when he drew a line across his forehand and handed an audience member an pneumatic bolt industrial hole puncher. The audience member smiled and asked what he was to do. The clown smiled even more and said "This time you get to deliver the punchline".

Aaah...! I was too tired to be allowed to post when I wrote this and screwed it up (I meant to write forehead not forehand...not sure even that would've been worthy of posting actually).

...sorry for detracting from the comedic momentum.

 

[pointblank]

This thread is hilarious. I am always pleasantly surprised when suicidals deliver. Even more-so when they self-deliver.

Just wanna say this is genius. This takes the cake for a dark humor.

 

[nogods4me]

I'm in my thirties so I guess I'm at that age where people start thinking about their future. All my friends are moving into that next phase of adulthood, where all my friends are tyin' the knot, right? So I guess it's time for me to uh...hang myself too.

(from a female comic long ago whose name escapes me)

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room.

It's called arson, and those people are called witnesses

 

[Electra]

 

[ramon]

The following is my work.

If you don't find this (at least) entertaining, then now you know one of the reason why I want to CTB:

 

[LukaParrot]

What a suicide tell to the other suicide?

Nothing... they were both death.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

My favorite bath toy is a toaster......

 

[scottchy]

Was talking to my Jewish friend the other day and we got to talking about WWII
I told him my grandfather died at Auschwitz.
He said "I didn't know you were Jewish."
I replied "I'm not, he fell out of the guardtower."

Whoa with the Jewish jokes!
My great grandfather died in a concentration camp you know.....
He stepped on a mine while chasing escapees

 

[Electra]

 

[SadRatQueen]

My favorite go to when people find out my mother is dead:
I hope I make her proud enough to look up to me, because I would surely hate it if she were looking down.

Or

Whenever I smoke and get rid of my ash, it reminds me of her

 

[LukaParrot]

When you boss offer you a raise! But... was just playing with you.
(I'm sorry....... )

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Knock, knock.
(Who's there?)
Death.
(Death who?)
Death comes for us all [whispers to self], but seriously why is it taking so long?!

 

[Electra]

 

[scottchy]

 

[scottchy]

Haven't seen any offensive religious stuff yet.....

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Haven't seen any offensive religious stuff yet.....
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Why are catholic priests called father?
Because "daddy" would be too suspicious

 

[pointblank]

Why are catholic priests called father?
Because "daddy" would be too suspicious

omg

 

[scottchy]

Why are catholic priests called father?
Because "daddy" would be too suspicious

YES!! This is what I'm talking about

 

[LukaParrot]

When two suicidal friends meet at lunch.....

- Hey... i tried to kill myself yesterday with gas... but didnt work!
-- That sucks, well... what gas you tried?
- I farted!

 

[Electra]

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Why are catholic priests called father?
Because "daddy" would be too suspicious

We don't need no molestation !!!!

HEY ... PREACHER !!! LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE !!!!

 

[LukaParrot]

Yesterday I called helpline, looking for a friendly word, hope...

- Hi, how can I help you?
-- Explain all the shit and crap, cried...
- Sir, dont give up, god will help you
-- Sorry to interrupt but I'm atheist!
Hang-up.....mothefucker!!!!

 

[Electra]

 

[LukaParrot]

Why depressed people usually lost interest in sex?

Because depression fucks them hard everyday.

 

[scottchy]