Futility

[woxihuanni]

Those who believe in anything after life and are set on a date, how do you handle the terror of it? Not those who have hope in afterlife, but the few who merely have terror of it like I do at the mere possibility. How do you handle thinking existence is a prison and there is no way out, only giving up on what you have built and loved so far? That it all goes to fucking waste, but you keep existing in a personal hell of your mind.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Can't picture anything worse than seizures "because fuck you, that's why" on (currently) a daily basis.
Can't decide who's worse - the people urging me to vote for the weed heads (today is an election day) to get medical marijuana easier, or the people, ESPECIALLY ACTUAL DOCTORS, asking me to describe seizures after I had them. With an EEG hat on. While they have their... graph creator thing... monitoring my every fart.

Fun fact - when facing a "is this a fart or is it a turd" dilemma, there is a notable, very visible (through the graphs) change in your brain activity. I'm not kidding. Don't know if it's related to whether you're left/right-handed. For me, it's on the right side. I'm left-handed.

 

[woxihuanni]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with seizures. I had them in sleep when I was very distressed, and it is hell.

A fuck you from me to your doctors, and many thanks for sharing this piece of neurological tidbit. :)

Ah, and I feel you on the matter of weed.

 

[JulienSorel]

Those who believe in anything after life and are set on a date, how do you handle the terror of it? Not those who have hope in afterlife, but the few who merely have terror of it like I do at the mere possibility. How do you handle thinking existence is a prison and there is no way out, only giving up on what you have built and loved so far? That it all goes to fucking waste, but you keep existing in a personal hell of your mind.

I was suicidal from a early age, so many of my decisions were reflected in a such a mental state.

I was fortunate enough to have had a few good years after I turned fifteen, and I focused on living what life I could find. I don't have too many regrets, if I am honest, I have spent my body well given the circumstances. I feel quite ready to face the end.

I suppose the terror comes from the fear of the unknown, but there is very little that is unknown to me. I can't imagine much worse than the this slow hell I have been dragged through, and I'm too tired to imagine anything worse.

 

[NemoZeno]

Not those who have hope in afterlife, but the few who merely have terror of it like I do at the mere possibility.

Most of us here on this forum have...quirks. ATM I'm going back and forth between lucid, poorly structured thoughts, and fatigue so please forgive how weird, repetitious, hazy, rambling, and.or disjointed my wall of text sounds.


The only way you I can see how one "prepares" the self for it is to take psychedelics/do some deep immersive meditation so that you face ego death. It's amorphous in my head ATM but the perception/phenomenon of experiencing ego death and afterlife are a bit similar/linked IMO. Ego death is typically terrifying "thanks" to our shared self preservation instincts so, if you can eventually handle that, you might be able to handle the terror of the afterlife.

Barring that, you just have to "live" with the nagging thought of a torturous afterlife in the back of your mind and wait until your dopamine factory "finds a way" to be less terrified of it.

I used to be immobilized by these fears.
These thoughts are mental stimulus. Irrespective of the origin of the stimulus, you develop a slight numbness to the stimulus.
Opiod/whatever-drug high stimulus is the "same" as negative stimulus (pain) in that, at some unbearable point, the mind kind of "learns" to adapt to it. The adaption is never to a point where you're completely unaware of it; it's just enough to keep you precariously stuck in a place where you are phenomenologically in the "real" world but also of one where your stimulis ("real" or not) have some of your focus localized (ie today "is" mid September of 2019 but, because of your pains, your "reality" is ever so slightly/imperceptibly-to-most askew from the one the overwhelming majority of people are experiencing right "now").

I don't say this authoritatively/definitively; merely on my absurd experience: it's all unsatisfactory answers which boils down to learned helplessness/fatalism ie you get used to it.

My flesh prison is almost 31 years. I dealt with fears of hell/eternal existence for...18ish years. It took a decade of being a fucking prisoner in my own mind (kind of: wasn't a purely torturous prison like something out of the Inquisition. I was definitely trapped but there wasn't constant mental/physical/emotional/etc anguish so that it was literally unbearable. In such a occurrence,. I would have been dead years ago) until I sort of "escaped". The interlocutors of my torment are still with me but I subconsciously have "learned" to ignore them. So it goes...