Venting funeral parlour called the police!!! When I said I wanted to talk about my funeral arrangements

[LittleJem]

Just got a call from the police, as I called a funeral parlour earlier today to discuss my funeral plans.

Quite pissed off. I said to the police it was perfectly normal to plan a funeral, and also that I didn't have a particular date in mind, so did not see why it was a police matter. They said it wasn't normal to plan to take your life. I said, well the rich people (eg friends of Prince Charles) do plan their death. It just costs £10,000 and they have to go to Switzerland, because we don't have decent laws in this country. Anyway, at first this policewoman tried to take my details, then by the end of the conversation, she fucked off.

I tell you what. That funeral parlour is NOT getting my business!!!! I want to find out about non-religious funerals - as while I thought I'd go straight to ashes, perhaps it's better to have a funeral for my family. But maybe now, I don't care about planning it. I will just stipulate absolutely no religion, and let them all work it out from there.

Really nothing I needed. Hard enough being miserable and bedridden all day without this bullshit.

 

[Jean4]

Wow. I'm so sorry and don't know what to say. Isn't it common to plan one's funeral?

 

[Dear Flabby]

Wow! That's such an invasion of privacy!
@LittleJem, thank you for sharing this. I was going to call a funeral home on Monday—now I am just going to leave instructions.
Considering that all the funeral homes I have researched have pre-planning options, they must be very busy calling the police!
I am angry on your behalf.

 

[LittleJem]

Wow! That's such an invasion of privacy!
@LittleJem, thank you for sharing this. I was going to call a funeral home on Monday—now I am just going to leave instructions.
Considering that all the funeral homes I have researched have pre-planning options, they must be very busy calling the police!
I am angry on your behalf.

Thank you. It's that same nonsense that everyone thinks there is some magic solution to being suicidal, or they think it is an impulsive thing, rather than a long-term planned thing.

I mean calling a funeral parlour is a big example of forward planning for my suicide.

Yes, don't call the funeral parlour, or if you do, definitely don't talk about suicide. You could tell them you have a terminal illness. You could say you are planning ahead because you are worried about Coronavirus.

I was a bit too honest with this one. I might try a different one and not tell them the whole story.

 

[mesohappy]

Ive been thinking of calling the local funeral home out for me,to spend the last of my cash on cremation services.Im so skinny and sucked up looking,if they ask,I plan to tell them I have cancer.I don't want anyone to be burdened by my death.I don't need religious service.Just disposal service.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

What exactly did you say to the funeral parlour?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Another member posted that a funeral home called his/her family.

So incongruent that funeral homes, which often greedily make money off death, would do such pro-lifey things. I think they really need to revisit their business models.

 

[Dear Flabby]

Ive been thinking of calling the local funeral home out for me,to spend the last of my cash on cremation services.Im so skinny and sucked up looking,if they ask,I plan to tell them I have cancer.I don't want anyone to be burdened by my death.I don't need religious service.Just disposal service.

That was my plan, too. At my age, no one questions anything. I wouldn't mention suicide, though.

 

[asifkhanny12345]

What extactly did you say to him and what country u from

 

[Esc9434]

I'm sure they will not get your business! (Bad joke)

Funeral parlors are usually very competitive when it comes to pricing.

I am sure at least one of them have their prices online.

Oh yeah, try to outsource everything for your funeral. Buying the casket online can reduce the funeral price greatly.

 

[Dear Flabby]

Another member posted that a funeral home called his/her family.

So incongruent that funeral homes, which often greedily make money off death, would do such pro-lifey things. I think they really need to revisit their business models.

When they "out" someone pre-planning, it is a money grab. Pre-planners usually go for the "basics". The funeral industry can prey on grieving family members for thousands of dollars/pounds/euros more!

 

[seafarer]

When my dad passed a few months now I guess I just called the funeral place and said I don't want a service or anyone at the crematorium just you and maybe a few pic of his coffin. They were totally said it's becoming quite a popular thing with no funeral.or even wake as people she up for the wake. He even told me people call to ask if I certain funeral is having a wake and I'd not they say they won't bother going then. Total cost was £1500 that included collecting body from hospital and.prepping him for coffin and cremation and taking him there and bringing back the ashes for my mum. That added a little on cost as she wanted a nice warm and some flowers which I told her were pointless at £150 since they would just die in a few days. Caring I know. But a no frill funeral is readily available and apparently in demand so budget about £1500 and a few bits extra if needed. I'll be leaving a note telling my mum to not even accept my body and make the government or whatever deal with it is a final.fuck you to them. Ok that's it. You can stop reading now .
Even after I sorted my father's out they still got £300 extra out of mum for flowers on a coffin nobody was going to see as there was no funeral,I made home take.pictures of it tho or I said I want the money back and a better urn..so yes they are fucking leaches and I hate them if that wasn't clear

 

[flower]

When they "out" someone pre-planning, it is a money grab. Pre-planners usually go for the "basics". The funeral industry can prey on grieving family members for thousands of dollars/pounds/euros more!

it's crazy how much they can charge grieving people who aren't in their right mind. trying to find an eco friendly coffin online and they still want £100+ for a cardboard box!

 

[Largeletters]

Wow... I am so sorry. I hope you can plan your funeral in another way without involving others to invade and disrespect your privacy.

 

[Dear Flabby]

In Canada, you can join a Memorial Society for $50-ish. They pre- negotiate a basic (just enough to satisfy the law) burial or cremation price with several local funeral homes.
You still have to visit the funeral home and pay for it, but they don't try to up-sell you.
By doing it this way, I am saving a couple of hundred dollars, and getting exactly what I want—no frills.
Memorial Societies are non-profits. Just Google "Name of your city +Memorial Society"
Of course, scammy funeral homes try to stick "Memorial Society" in their name.
Look for the registered charity number and in a large city, they will offer a choice of funeral homes that they have locked in prices with.

Having read LittleJem's post, I am just going to fill out the detailed form that the Memorial Society gave me, and make copies of it with my final instructions, so my husband doesn't have to make decisions. He will have the place, the price, my membership number and it's a done deal. I would have liked to have paid for it though.

 

[sadgirl2002]

That's terrible, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I emailed a funeral director a few months ago about non-religious funerals myself but I pretended the funeral was for someone else. I stated everything I wanted so I could get a price and if I do end up taking my life, I would simply write on a note what I want for my funeral. I don't think I would ever have the guts to call a funeral company though. How did the police know you were planning to take your life?

 

[seafarer]

While.im.still.on my rant here is the best picture my mum.got sent from funeral home that cost her hundred in flowers etc and also me.threatening to get me money back.not quite awe inspiring I know
But in serious not £1500 seems to be going rate for the nonfrill put you in box and cremation route and give ashes to family. Try to charge extra for nice urn but tell them.to go f off. Hope this help

 

[oopswronglife]

This is not victim blaming so please don't feel so...but it's a hard lesson in how it doesn't matter what you should be able to say or do, it matters how people are and how they will react. Often we don't realize how we come across because this is so normal for us. Most people cannot stomach even the THOUGHT of suicide without freaking out or getting upset. Because of this...it's best to communicate such things, like funeral planning, wills etc, in text and simply via email etc to remove as much emotional perception as possible. Also NEVER argue with a cop, doctor, authority of any kind about suicide rights. Never try and get them to "understand". It NEVER goes well and you aren't going to convince them or fix anything, just make it worse. It's wrong, unfair, and we shouldn't have to censor our feelings about this as we are victims, but it's the reality. So the small release you feel from going off on someone or arguing with them is never worth the cost. Unless you want people to intervene...and if you DO by all means ask or force them to and fight for your life...there is nothing ever gained by being open about this.

 

[HopeDiesLast]

@LittleJem Correct me if I'm wrong, but you actually told the funeral parlor that you wanted to make arrangements for when you kill yourself? It's perfectly normal to pre-plan and pre-pay for your cremation/burial/etc. But NO, you can't tell them you're planning to die by suicide. I'm not surprised they called the police for a wellness check. If you want to discuss this stuff, come here. It's not something you can just tell people in real life and not expect consequences.

 

[mesohappy]

As far as funeral costs,if you do pre pay and don't go through with it,you have still "locked in" the pricing at todays rates..In case anyone wants to back out,you don't have to go through with it.Disposal,or excuse me,funeral rates seem to go up each year.I figure,better to lock it in now..If your not sure your ready,you can pay in installments and get a head start.Never know what days may come..

Disclaimer don't work for the funeral industry.

 

[Dear Flabby]

One more thing, if you Google "online funeral planning form", you can print off a form to fill out leaving instructions for whoever.
That way, if you want no frills, hopefully your next of kin will respect that.

 

[seafarer]

In UK you can pre book a funeral but they don't like it as they aren't allowed to keep hold.of the money due to people doing runners so it costs an extra £250 odd to pre plan a funeral.arrangments because the holding company charges you for holding your own money..no joke. And in that time funeral prices could change and not many offer that guarantee a that's they used to of keeping original.price,like if you book and pay now it will be same price in 10 year.you can now see the flaw,people were setting up funeral parlours and offering low deals for guarantee upfron price then doing a runner with the case and person rarely found out till the death occurred. British brains at work
So tldr prembooking a minimum 150 funeral.wasnt worth paying the 250 charge for them holding our cash as we was gimme do one for the whole family. But they said we can't due to new rules and it wouldn't be fair to you

 

[HadEnough1974]

Just got a call from the police, as I called a funeral parlour earlier today to discuss my funeral plans.

Quite pissed off. I said to the police it was perfectly normal to plan a funeral, and also that I didn't have a particular date in mind, so did not see why it was a police matter. They said it wasn't normal to plan to take your life. I said, well the rich people (eg friends of Prince Charles) do plan their death. It just costs £10,000 and they have to go to Switzerland, because we don't have decent laws in this country. Anyway, at first this policewoman tried to take my details, then by the end of the conversation, she fucked off.

I tell you what. That funeral parlour is NOT getting my business!!!! I want to find out about non-religious funerals - as while I thought I'd go straight to ashes, perhaps it's better to have a funeral for my family. But maybe now, I don't care about planning it. I will just stipulate absolutely no religion, and let them all work it out from there.

Really nothing I needed. Hard enough being miserable and bedridden all day without this bullshit.

These damn funeral parlours, they remove the"fun" in funerals!

 

[seafarer]

Best plan just book it and the you will put directions in your will you want them to deal with funeral with quite explicit instructions to be followed in the will. Then explain you want the lowers cast no frill dog a ditch where you. Park the hearse type funeral and that would be fine by you.

 

[LittleJem]

I'm in the UK. I slightly understand why they called the police. I understand why they are concerned.
They aren't living in daily torment.That's why.

My main worry was that they would raid where I am and steal my pills for CTB. But my method is now probably camping with a BBQ. So fuck them. They won't steal my tent. If they do, I will find another way.

The policewoman was shrill and hopeless.I perfectly don't mind the police, but her calling me did absolutely nothing for me other than annoy me and worry me more. It was just a bit of drama.
I don't really want a funeral - but that is for my family and friends to decide. I just know I want absolutely no religious content at all under any circumstances.
I'm also just planning who gets my divorce money - and how much of it will need to go on teh funeral. But you are all quite right, the prices are online! I guess if I allow £5K for funeral expenses it should cover it. Then any money leftover from that can go to Samaritans. There. Job done. No meeting with funeral parlour needed!!!

 

[can'tdoitanymore]

I agree with what other posters have said. It feels so normal for us to discuss suicide but you need to remember that for most people it is not and that doesn't necessarily mean they are trying to take away your basic human rights or are anti-choice but if a complete stranger tells you they are planning to kill themselves I'm not surprised they called the police. They have no idea about your situation or if you are in a fit state of mind to make that decision just because you know that you are. It would honestly be irresponsible of them with no background knowledge of the situation not to. They might even assume it was a cry for help and that is what you wanted them to do.
I understand after being on here we get so caught up in the normality of it so I understand why you might have thought it wouldn't play out like that though. I think it's just a case of lesson learned and in the future you can't be so open with strangers.

 

[LittleJem]

I can't talk to anyone about it, I know. Work sent me to A&E/back to my doctor on Friday. I have an appointment lined up, but I have tried so many things now I don't have much hope of anything improving. If I am honest about wanting to die, then I lose my job. If I lose my job, my life is even more pointless than it is.

I am telling my friends and family though that I am just giving this one more year (i.e.till the end of 2020). I tried to write a bucket list, and I only put one thing on it. I am really really done.

I just called the funeral parlour to try and be organised, but I agree with everyone's advice above and I can still stipulate no religion etc, so that has made it all clearer.

 

[can'tdoitanymore]

I can't talk to anyone about it, I know. Work sent me to A&E/back to my doctor on Friday. I have an appointment lined up, but I have tried so many things now I don't have much hope of anything improving. If I am honest about wanting to die, then I lose my job. If I lose my job, my life is even more pointless than it is.

I am telling my friends and family though that I am just giving this one more year (i.e.till the end of 2020). I tried to write a bucket list, and I only put one thing on it. I am really really done.

I just called the funeral parlour to try and be organised, but I agree with everyone's advice above and I can still stipulate no religion etc, so that has made it all clearer.

Can you be less honest with your job while you try to seek help if that is what you want to do? It sounds to me (and correct me if I am wrong) that you aren't 100% sure about suicide and have a small hope for recovery. You shouldn't have to feel you might lose you job because of this. Can you see a doctor for help and just tell your work you have a medical condition if it means you have to miss work for appointments or are not performing as you should be? I am not sure about the UK but elsewhere your job cannot demand to know personal details of your condition. Even if you need a sick note from a doctor it can just say you are unable to work but does not have to mention the condition. Again this is if you want help I cannot tell from your post.

 

[LittleJem]

Can you be less honest with your job while you try to seek help if that is what you want to do? It sounds to me (and correct me if I am wrong) that you aren't 100% sure about suicide and have a small hope for recovery. You shouldn't have to feel you might lose you job because of this. Can you see a doctor for help and just tell your work you have a medical condition if it means you have to miss work for appointments or are not performing as you should be? I am not sure about the UK but elsewhere your job cannot demand to know personal details of your condition. Even if you need a sick note from a doctor it can just say you are unable to work but does not have to mention the condition. Again this is if you want help I cannot tell from your post.

My work knew already - as I was off sick for six months. Then last Friday I was such a mess at work, and I spoke to one person who then announced it to everyone as part of a duty of care. My boss was away - and now she is back - and she shouted at me for coming off my meds. The truth is I was feeling better for two weeks - on Sarcosine, NAC and the Fisher Wallace headset. Then as usual, I relapsed. This has happened maybe five times in the past year - that something makes me feel better - happy, human, okay - for two weeks. It doesn't ever last longer than two weeks. It's almost a running joke (I mean with my boyfriend). So when I relapsed, because I cannot be off sick any longer, and I have to choose between working and being bedridden - it is one or the other - I am trying to patch myself up to keep going in. On Friday, the mask fell off and I cried at work. Then this week the mask is back on, barely.

Re suicide, I am finding my suffering a daily torment and pretty intolerable, and I am trying to give it one more year to see if any recovery is possible. I'm doing that for my family. I would happily, very happily, die right now. I don't have anything else I want to do - not in this state of mind.
I am quite patchy with medication - because especially wiht supplements (which have actually been better for me than medication so far) they tend to work for the first two weeks, then stop working entirely and never work again. Only 5 things or so have done that. I stop and start things because I am desperate.

Medication - I tried one for 3 months and it didn't help at all.

 

[TAW122]

I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to you, and you have my anger directed towards the funeral parlours (sends anger towards the nosy, do-gooder parlour staff! ). With that said, yeah they can fuck off with their overstepping bounds and phoning the police for something innocuous. I myself, don't plan on my funeral (would rather not have one) and only seek to end my own suffering. Is there any watchdog or overseeing organization/board in charge of the parlours? If so, I would suggest lodging a complaint against the parlour who tipped off the police.