Venting Fumbling

[Rd2nowhere]

I am stuck on repeat. Wake up, eat, take pills, smile, pretend everything is great take more pills go to sleep.

I pray not to wake before falling to sleep. Every morning is a disappointment only to start the routine again. I am in a place where nothing is discussed no one really wants to know how I am truly feeling. I am always just fine. I always smile and say I am great. The voice in my head screams liar.

Everyday I go to my studio staring at a blank canvas wishing to paint again but I have no desire. I fumble a pencil across the table. My medication has caused tremors. I cannot draw a straight line. I cry.

I dreamed about satan last night. He had made me laugh in my dream. I woke wishing I knew what was so funny. Maybe the joke is I woke up.

Being a passenger is not my forte. I am hurting. I hate myself. I have nothing. I have no one. I have no hope. I am lost.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is so depressing and I know that it can be hard to carry on when you suffer so much. I also wish to never wake again, for me it is horrible waking up and realising that I am still here. I envy those who pass away in their sleep.

 

[jimmy7754]

My priest told me don't worry because after this pain and suffering we go to heaven and fly with baby Jesus for eternity..

 

[Iamchickenhat]

I feel like that myself. It is such a heavy weight. Walking up is the worst part of the day. I'm so sorry for the tremors. I wish you peace.

My priest told me don't worry because after this pain and suffering we go to heaven and fly with baby Jesus for eternity..

Religion really is the heart of most problems

 

[jimmy7754]

I feel like that myself. It is such a heavy weight. Walking up is the worst part of the day. I'm so sorry for the tremors. I wish you peace.

Religion really is the heart of most problems

I want to fly with baby Jesus!

 

[Rd2nowhere]

I do not have any regrets. I just do not see a future.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

What did Satan look like in your dream?

 

[Rd2nowhere]

What did Satan look like in your dream?

He was a 1920s satan from a liquor poster. We laughed so hard.