Venting Fucking hate myself.

[Mira Gaga]

So, an update. (sorry this might be long),

I was doomscrolling on Instagram and those mental health reels kept coming up on my feed. One was about how you probably don't remember the last time you climbed out of those kiddie play sandpits, put on your shoes, and never went into one again. Another was like, you've probably forgotten how the hot plastic slides at the kiddie playgrounds feel like. I just started absolutely sobbing idk why. Those who know me irl know I'm like really tough and badass, I didn't cry when I had my wrist shattered by a steel bolt from a building (story for next time maybe), and I just don't do crying in general. My coach, he's got this Gordon Ramsay shit going on, always really strict and pushing us really hard. He alawys had a soft spot for me because I worked the hardest, even when my body started breaking under the pressure. He caught me crying and I trauma dumped on him and now he's like so worried and concerned and I was gonna ctb soon but now I don't want him to feel guilty. I'm still crying as I write this so please excuse any grammar errorrs. He is like so nice to me. He has to yell at the others to practice, but with me, he text me every night like, hey kiddo (he still calls me kiddo even though I'm 19), did you ice your wrist? Rememeber to rest your shoulder, don't overwork yourself kiddo, and I just start crying cause not even my friends text me every day. I kinda made golf my life so that's why I always like talk about it. I keep crying whenever I see like those really deep reels on insta or shorts on yt and I feel like I can't breathe, feels like something's squeezing my heart. Anyway, thanks for reading and please have a good day/night. Love yall, peace out.

 

[RandomEmptiness]

That's actually more wholesome than I expected, I wish I had that kind of relationship with my coach lol. But seriously it's amazing that you have a friend like that, even if it's your coach, and also you crying over those reels is just release of the huge amount of pressure you got. It's okay to cry man even if it's alone, I myself don't cry like at all but I saw an emotional TikTok too and also started sobbing(woahh coincidence). The pain you have in your heart is just warmth, from someone that actually sounds like he cares about you. Wish nothing but the best for you man and take care.