Fuck this site for giving me hope

[BabyYoda]

Seriously guys. I thought this was a pro-choice site. Why is everyone giving me "hope" that my situation will change?

First of all, I went to this site because I love someone who is a good friend to me but doesn't love me the way I want him to. I wanted to be okay with the idea of CTB even if everyone says it's not. I wanted to BE SURE that CTB is the best solution for me. And now that I'm here, some people have been giving me so-called "hope". Then several weeks after, I recovered. THEN, I AM HERE AGAIN, because I broke my recovery streak for God knows what reason. As long as this person doesn't love me I WILL CONTINUE TO RELAPSE over and over again and there's nothing I can do about it. It just occured to me that no matter how much I talk about it, things can never change because of that FUCKING PERSON. Therefore, I have an issue that cannot be resolved, and the only solution within my control is taking my own life.

I am NOT too young to CTB, quit finding love, or any shit like that. I'm someone who is legit suffering because of love. People say thar my problem is fixable BUT IT IS NOT! Look what fucking happened, COVID19! I can't go to school and meet new people! And I'm only 19 years old who's officially a sophomore now. See, one fucking year lost due to this pandemic. Who knows how long this will last?

I don't care about what I have already. I repeat: I. DON'T. CARE. I don't care how much help is available, if that help isn't going to change me then I wouldn't bother. None of my friends can help me. Even CTB is difficult because I have nowhere to jump.

So yeah, I'm done trying to improve my situation, because there is nothing I can do that works. No one, and I mean NO ONE can truly stop me from CTB. There's hope, but it's only temporary. It only makes me believe that I can do better when I can't. 2020 is really a shit year guys. I won't expect anything to get better. Not everyone is meant to be happy. I'm not meant to have a partner or a best friend yet I want one. So, I'm going to take my own life because of it. Why the hell isn't this a good enough reason to CTB?

 

[lostangel]

Seriously guys. I thought this was a pro-choice site. Why is everyone giving me "hope" that my situation will change?

First of all, I went to this site because I love someone who is a good friend to me but doesn't love me the way I want him to. I wanted to be okay with the idea of CTB even if everyone says it's not. I wanted to BE SURE that CTB is the best solution for me. And now that I'm here, some people have been giving me so-called "hope". Then several weeks after, I recovered. THEN, I AM HERE AGAIN, because I broke my recovery streak for God knows what reason. As long as this person doesn't love me I WILL CONTINUE TO RELAPSE over and over again and there's nothing I can do about it. It just occured to me that no matter how much I talk about it, things can never change because of that FUCKING PERSON. Therefore, I have an issue that cannot be resolved, and the only solution within my control is taking my own life.

I am NOT too young to CTB, quit finding love, or any shit like that. I'm someone who is legit suffering because of love. People say thar my problem is fixable BUT IT IS NOT! Look what fucking happened, COVID19! I can't go to school and meet new people! And I'm only 19 years old who's officially a sophomore now. See, one fucking year lost due to this pandemic. Who knows how long this will last?

I don't care about what I have already. I repeat: I. DON'T. CARE. I don't care how much help is available, if that help isn't going to change me then I wouldn't bother. None of my friends can help me. Even CTB is difficult because I have nowhere to jump.

So yeah, I'm done trying to improve my situation, because there is nothing I can do that works. No one, and I mean NO ONE can truly stop me from CTB. There's hope, but it's only temporary. It only makes me believe that I can do better when I can't. 2020 is really a shit year guys. I won't expect anything to get better. Not everyone is meant to be happy. I'm not meant to have a partner or a best friend yet I want one. So, I'm going to take my own life because of it. Why the hell isn't this a good enough reason to CTB?

I'm sorry that you feel this way. But remember it is your decision at the end of the day. You get to choose whether or not you die. People on this site only see your age and think that because you're young things might turn around. That isn't always the case. I do believe that some people's lives are not worth living including mine. Whatever decision you take I hope you can be at peace. :)

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I think we all hope for things to get better. Not just for ourselves but others on here. Sometimes (Or most of the time) it's not possible. I've been in love a few times and it sucks when things don't work out the way we want them to. These aren't the reason I want to CTB but everyone's reasons are different.
If you choose to go down this path I wish you peace. I hope you will carefully plan your escape and not just do it impulsively.
May you find peace … whatever that is.

 

[Living sucks]

You can't blame this site or the people on here for offering hope... it's prochoice not prodeath. If you choose to ctb, that's your choice. All people can offer you are words of sentiment and care.
I hope you can find peace in life or death.

 

[Arrow]

it's prochoice not prodeath.

yeah exactly. i want people to have hope and feel better, but if they still want to CTB that's their decision and i support their ability to choose that. i won't, however, tell anyone what they should or shouldn't choose, only that they should make their own choice. i'm neither pro-life nor pro-death.

 

[HelensNepenthe]

A forum member who replies with "yeah, you should go kill yourself" is subjecting themselves to being banned in addition of aiding someone to their CTB. The forum rules display this clearly. There would also be some legal implications put upon the site, too. The only other responses you're going to get are:

1. Have you exhausted your resources?
2. Sorry to hear you go
3. Life gets better!

That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

 

[Living sucks]

At 19 i was also in love with a guy that didn't love me. I couldn't make him, i tried. But I found others to love. It's for a reason. If you choose to stay to find out the reason, that's up to you. Choose wisely, ctb is permanent.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

A forum member who replies with "yeah, you should go kill yourself" is subjecting themselves to being banned in addition of aiding someone to their CTB. The forum rules display this clearly. There would also be some legal implications put upon the site, too. The only other responses you're going to get are:

1. Have you exhausted your resources?
2. Sorry to hear you go
3. Life gets better!

That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Do we "Have" to say "Life Gets Better" ??? Knowing that isn't true … not for many of us anyway. I feel that is a false platitude that people just use.

 

[_Minsk]

i think being treated like you can't make decisions for yourself sucks, i mean i've spend quite some time listening to other opinions and even following them without listening to myself when i was younger. if i had listened to my inner voice, i wouldn't have tried so hard to fix something which obviously can't be fixed and attempted suicide already.. no one knows truly how you feel and what shit you might go trough, especially because everyone reacts differently to certain problems, even the term "problem" is very relative depending to the person..
i fully get why people would want to kill themselves when they don't feel enough appreciated or loved, or are being cheated on or broken up with etc. everyone has their own set of preferences and values, which are complex and might even be connected to each and another, including preexisting struggles..
long story short, i've also seen many posts where people was given "hope" while completely ignoring that the person made some clear and (for me valid) statements etc..

i dont want to sound rude but i might also feel pissed off, by people suggesting me why not trying a therapy or sh***y pills when i made clear that im ready to go.. as if i haven't considered those options myself already..

sorry for that rant but i can relate a lot to op and at times its the last thing needed to be fed up with useless hope, not everyone wants to get better having tried everything without success...

 

[HelensNepenthe]

Do we "Have" to say "Life Gets Better" ??? Knowing that isn't true … not for many of us anyway. I feel that is a false platitude that people just use.

Oh it surely is. There are not exact word-by-word cases of members using it here, yet they'll tell someone who is less than 25 years old that life is still worth living with some anecdotes of how their life changed after a few years. Sometimes it is not anyone's business to snoop on why someone is trying to go the self-deliverance route.

 

[Forgiveme]

Nobody fuckin listens to me everybody tries to change me and they try to give me hope, i just want to have a good last times with people i kinda like and they never stop, they will always fucking tell me things are going to get better, that i should read a bible, i should start working out, that i don't know actually how am i feeling.. they always give me silly arguments how my fake family and friends gonna miss me, how i am actually feeling only i am not behaving like i "should", how sunset is beautiful and all these stupid idiotic arguments. How can't they they get that this world is not that beautiful, not even close o good.. I'm so tired.... I feel horrible....

 

[FireFox]

I am 22 and turn 23 this week. I am not going to patronise you ok. When i was at school there was this boy i really liked he was also a friend too. I was upset he didnt love me the way i wanted. It sucks we cant with the people we want.
No person is worth catching the bus for. It is so sad seeing people end thier lives over love. It it sad because you will never get the chance to meet someone will really love you
That person you caught the bus for will move on and meet someone else.
2020 is a shit year i agree but it be like this forever. More people have recovered from covid19 but the media wont tell you that. They want to scare you so they can sell stories
There is nothing wrong with giving people hope . In fact this site shows itself to be a caring community.
Sucide over a boy is not worth it .
Your too heartbroken to see any sense or reality hence the lashing out
Please take care of yourself
Love FireFox

 

[ROKU]

I think we all hope for things to get better. Not just for ourselves but others on here. Sometimes (Or most of the time) it's not possible. I've been in love a few times and it sucks when things don't work out the way we want them to. These aren't the reason I want to CTB but everyone's reasons are different.
If you choose to go down this path I wish you peace. I hope you will carefully plan your escape and not just do it impulsively.
May you find peace … whatever that is.

AHA, I was so happy with pain meds. My life changed completely when the laws changed. I had to withdraw from OXY on my own, and life has been nothing but pain for 2 years. I don't know how many have taken this route, but more than we know.

 

[enjolras]

Do we "Have" to say "Life Gets Better" ??? Knowing that isn't true … not for many of us anyway. I feel that is a false platitude that people just use.

Maybe not better, but it can morph in new ways and have your references changed
I too was devastated by love affairs at 20yo. Looking back, after the years have doubled, it makes me laugh. My worries will never be the same again. I also believe it would keep morphing as years go by into old age

 

[Pryras]

A user that I respect on here and spoke to over PM mentioned that she thinks romantic reasons are amongst the worst reasons to CTB.

Now, most if not all my pain involves some romantic element. So while not the same circumstances as you, I get it. It's extremely painful and personally? I think any reason is justified to CTB since we all cope differently and what's manageable for one person isn't the same for another. However, I didn't find her comments invalidating at all. Even if I'm hurting, it helped me feel more grounded and provided me some perspective from someone older than I am ..

I'm neither encouraging you to CTB or choose life but merely passing advice from someone who's older and might help you put things into perspective. When you die, it's over, so I can't see why thinking things through and doing some reflections is a bad thing. To each their own, but if you really do not want to hear it then I think it's better to state that in your thread so no one unintentionally invalidates your pain.

 

[Meowkin]

Alright guys sorry for making this annoying and unnecessary thread I didn't mean to cause offense here. The number of views scares me.

You don't need to apologise or feel bad about starting this thread. I don't think this is an unnecessary thread. Not being taken seriously because of your youth can hurt.

 

[BabyYoda]

I am 22 and turn 23 this week. I am not going to patronise you ok. When i was at school there was this boy i really liked he was also a friend too. I was upset he didnt love me the way i wanted. It sucks we cant with the people we want.
No person is worth catching the bus for. It is so sad seeing people end thier lives over love. It it sad because you will never get the chance to meet someone will really love you
That person you caught the bus for will move on and meet someone else.
2020 is a shit year i agree but it be like this forever. More people have recovered from covid19 but the media wont tell you that. They want to scare you so they can sell stories
There is nothing wrong with giving people hope . In fact this site shows itself to be a caring community.
Sucide over a boy is not worth it .
Your too heartbroken to see any sense or reality hence the lashing out
Please take care of yourself
Love FireFox

Hell do I care about finding someone else? Every bit of hope has been turned to ashes. There's practically no one who is interested in me, and it's going to be much harder with this lockdown where we can't see each other at school. I am sick, sick, SICK of waiting for this "person". If I received love then I wouldn't be suicidal in the first place. I'm already at my rock bottom already. The fact that no one cares about me makes CTB much easier, because I don't have to worry about people missing me. Guess I should ignore this thread.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Hi baby Yoda.

I could have written your post word for word. I am 40. I never had the experince of anyone that I liked liking me back. Some of us are just cursed by a myriad of circumstances. It's been the same ol same since I was your age, so I am proof that things sometimes dont get better. But that being said, I don't think you will find a "pro-suicide" website, cause they will get banned and taken down and this site is always under threat, BUT, I am sure you will find INDIVIDUALS on here who you can PM with and could give you the kind of support you are looking for. I only support what someone said they wanted to do as far as CTB. So, I dont try and talk them our of it, and depending on thier mood regarding the issue I will celebrate with them. Each person has thier own take on CTB, for themselves and others and if you are looking for support of your choice, and do not want any suggestions of anything else, those people are on here. Im one of them. Im planning on leaving this weekend hopefully, trust me I understand. I hope that you find the relief you seek in a way you are at peace with within yourself.

 

[Weightoftheworld]

I feel like everyone here understands and that's why we're all here. We all have pain in some form. I'm sure others, like myself, still like to have hope for other people though because we have none for ourselves. I like to be the light for someone else because I cannot be the light for myself. I truly wish everyone here could find peace and comfort without having to CTB but I know that isn't possible, not even for myself. However, this isn't a pro-death place either, I could never encourage someone to CTB. It sounds like you're in pain and I understand what it's like to not be able to have the person you love, it's a pain like no other. I do hope you find peace, in what ever way you decide.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

If it wasn't for this site I probably be already dead. It makes me feel calm being here with people that share same feelings. And I miss some users that are already gone.. :(

 

[autumnal]

I think it's understandable but unfair that your resentment towards your situation in general is instead being directed towards this site and members. Everyone here is entitled to their opinions, and if some people choose to express a hopeful or positive attitude towards your situation, it is up to you to handle that. If you don't agree with their assessment, you can either ignore it or respond and explain why their view is innacurate. But it is very petty to resent them for expressing their opinions. This is especially hypocritical when you have had recent periods of recovery, whether due to hope from this forum or other factors. You may be old enough to suicide, but from your post I certainly wouldn't assume you are mature enough. It seems to be very important for you to have a consensus of our opinions supporting your suicide before you are able to take that step. That doesn't seem very adult.

 

[Living sucks]

I am sick, sick, SICK of waiting for this "person". If I received love then I wouldn't be suicidal in the first place.

You're going to hate me for this

Imagine you had a guy friend that you enjoyed having as a friend but you were not romantically attracted to them, but they were so in love with you, so desperate they wanted to ctb unless you loved them back in the same manner? Would you love them just to keep them from ctb?

 

[autumnal]

You're going to hate me for this

Imagine you had a guy friend that you enjoyed having as a friend but you were not romantically attracted to them, but they were so in love with you, so desperate they wanted to ctb unless you loved them back in the same manner? Would you love them just to keep them from ctb?

Further to this analogy, you could conceivably (though unhealthily) force yourself to act loving towards them in order to prevent their suicide, but how utterly resentful towards them would you feel constantly while doing so?

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

so you want to CTB because you're single... love yourself and all of those "imperfections". People won't give you the answer you're looking for... YOU will. And fucking someone won't change that for long. Sorry if people don't like my answer, but that's ultimately what it is. Rely on yourself and not on others and it'll change your attitude. I'm sorry you need others for yourself to feel any worth.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I imaginey situation something akin to a workout plan.
Let's say that for the next week you do 10 pushups a day. At the end of the week you try 11 and succed.
One day, however, you injure your shoulder and can't do 10 pushups a day, you can barely do 1.
It sucks. You wait till your shoulder heals and are back to 6 pushups a day because your shoulder hurts like a motherfucker.
This is how I imagine relapse is.
I'd kill myself in trying to get back to at least 10 per day again.
Of course, this is a physical, not mental situation. In some ways I think relapse is good, it reminds you that life is shit, but it also reminds you that
1) you can improve yourself.
2) you CAN improve yourself.
I mean, yeah, I sound like a cringey motivational speaker, my point is that no matter what you do, at some point you will fuck up SOMEHOW.
It happens and... It's not entirely bad.

I'm sorry you feel this way, it's your choice after all, and I respect that.
Bojack horseman is full of iam14andthisisdeep, but every so often it does show a glint of truth. It doesn't get easy, but it gets easier.

 

[GoBack]

If you put all your hopes and dreams on one person it's not going to end well because even if that person does love you back you will eventually hit the same wall where it's not enough

 

[Shinbu]

I understand one sided love can hurt, I've been there, but not hurt to your extent to want to take my own life. I'm sorry you feel down, I wish I could help, I'm out of ideas due to your tough situation.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

A forum member who replies with "yeah, you should go kill yourself" is subjecting themselves to being banned in addition of aiding someone to their CTB. The forum rules display this clearly. There would also be some legal implications put upon the site, too. The only other responses you're going to get are:

1. Have you exhausted your resources?
2. Sorry to hear you go
3. Life gets better!

That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Do we "Have" to say "Life Gets Better" ??? Knowing that isn't true … not for many of us anyway. I feel that is a false platitude that people just use.

Oh it surely is. There are not exact word-by-word cases of members using it here, yet they'll tell someone who is less than 25 years old that life is still worth living with some anecdotes of how their life changed after a few years. Sometimes it is not anyone's business to snoop on why someone is trying to go the self-deliverance route.

Sorry I may have not used the right words. Perhaps I should have said "Required" to say that. Like a Generic saying. Or like a police officer reading someone their Miranda Rights. I want to make it clear that I don't encourage someone to CTB. That is their decision. I also don't like to see someone so young CTB ... especially a teenager. However if I had died as a teen it would have saved me years of misery. I have in the past tried to talk someone young out of CTB. I'm not sure why I didn't do that with the O.P. Perhaps it was the "Fuck This Site" title of the thread. If someone can make a better life for themselves I think that is great but I don't want to lie to them either. It may be more difficult to find someone with anecdotes on how their life got better on S.S.

 

[umniak]

A forum member who replies with "yeah, you should go kill yourself" is subjecting themselves to being banned in addition of aiding someone to their CTB. The forum rules display this clearly. There would also be some legal implications put upon the site, too. The only other responses you're going to get are:

1. Have you exhausted your resources?
2. Sorry to hear you go
3. Life gets better!

That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Yeah, what happened to freedom of speech?

 

[Remember to forget]

This is a suicide disscution forum, therfore we talk about all aspects of suicide. It isn't here to encourage its here to discuss so you can make your own choices, hence why it is pro choice. Its nothing more than that.