
jr331199
Member
- Apr 27, 2025
- 14
Just got off the phone after a session with my therapist and I'm so upset that I don't know what to say.
Yesterday I felt extremely upset after an appointment with my psychiatrist
The whole session today was just her talking about how the medication I take will reduce symptoms and will be added until I have a therapeutic dosage. If they up my dosage on my antidepressant and ADHD stimulant, then MAYBE my psychiatrist that she's working together with will eliminate my antipsychotics.
All these meds do absolutely nothing to me but give me more side effects like anhedonia, sedative effects, headaches, nausea, memory loss, questionable sex drive. I'm genuinely not the same person I was before I took those damned antipsychotics and SSRIs.
What triggered me the most was her condescending inflections in her voice. She asked me what did I truly want? Do I want to go back to my heller hole of a country than this hell hole of a country I live in? What the fuck do you think? The look I see in her eyes that I know she's tired of explaining to patients over and over again that psychiatric medication is beneficial, reduces symptoms and eventually helps. She's listened to so many patients but never truly heard any of them. Most of these social workers and psychiatrists truly underestimate the poor quality of life post-medication.
I feel bad talking bad about her, because she's probably tired after back-to-back appointments. That doesn't change my mind at all about our "mental health intervention" system. Fucked up.
What's upsetting me the most is when she asked me with a certain tone to her voice "what do you really want? Tell me and I will help you!". It hurt me so much because at that point I realize I genuinely have no hope left in me. No more hope left to live, no more hope left in this fucked up system. I just know if I voiced out my aching desire to leave this world, I'll be put somewhere that will make me feel lonelier, I'll be put in a place where they'll feed more medicine that makes me even more sick down my throat.
Throughout writing this, I just thought: maybe I am the problem here.
Yesterday I felt extremely upset after an appointment with my psychiatrist
The whole session today was just her talking about how the medication I take will reduce symptoms and will be added until I have a therapeutic dosage. If they up my dosage on my antidepressant and ADHD stimulant, then MAYBE my psychiatrist that she's working together with will eliminate my antipsychotics.
All these meds do absolutely nothing to me but give me more side effects like anhedonia, sedative effects, headaches, nausea, memory loss, questionable sex drive. I'm genuinely not the same person I was before I took those damned antipsychotics and SSRIs.
What triggered me the most was her condescending inflections in her voice. She asked me what did I truly want? Do I want to go back to my heller hole of a country than this hell hole of a country I live in? What the fuck do you think? The look I see in her eyes that I know she's tired of explaining to patients over and over again that psychiatric medication is beneficial, reduces symptoms and eventually helps. She's listened to so many patients but never truly heard any of them. Most of these social workers and psychiatrists truly underestimate the poor quality of life post-medication.
I feel bad talking bad about her, because she's probably tired after back-to-back appointments. That doesn't change my mind at all about our "mental health intervention" system. Fucked up.
What's upsetting me the most is when she asked me with a certain tone to her voice "what do you really want? Tell me and I will help you!". It hurt me so much because at that point I realize I genuinely have no hope left in me. No more hope left to live, no more hope left in this fucked up system. I just know if I voiced out my aching desire to leave this world, I'll be put somewhere that will make me feel lonelier, I'll be put in a place where they'll feed more medicine that makes me even more sick down my throat.
Throughout writing this, I just thought: maybe I am the problem here.